Behold House TGON, a group of loyal GoT nerds who will provide recaps for you every week. Beware, this post is dark and full of spoilers.
“The Red Woman” opened with a wide shot on the MURDERED Jon Snow and Ghost mournfully howling in the background. A howl that sounded very much like my cry when he died. Davos, thankfully, was the one to come out and find Jon. He and a few of Jon’s friends locked him into one of their chambers. He was definitely dead though; stab wounds, blank open stare, the whole shebang. I’m still not convinced he’ll STAY dead, but for now he is.
Transition to outrage in the hall where stupid Alliser Thorne admits to killing Jon Snow for the good of the watch. Buddy, do you realize you’re all about to get slaughtered by an army of White Walkers? Who cares about some Wildlings? At least there was some outrage among the watch, though. They seem to be even split on the matter.
Melissandre then stopped by to stroke Jon’s face but not to bring him back. COOL, THANKS. Then she went to her room and took off her dress (normal), but then she took off her necklace and revealed her true form as a very old woman. Is she hopeless now that the Lord of Light has let her down? Why wouldn’t she just bring Jon back? And if she can’t bring him back…does that mean we may not get him back at all?
SANSA, THEON, BRIENNE, & PODRICK
Last season left us wondering how Sansa and Theon were going survive their jump from the rampart of Winterfell. It was never really a question of if they were going to survive, but how, and the season premiere chose not to answer that question. Instead we pick up Sansa and Theon, very much alive and uninjured, running for their lives through the Wolfswood with Bolton men and hounds following close behind. They try to throw off the scent by crossing a river so cold that Sansa doesn’t think she can make it, but the water isn’t enough to stop the hounds. Theon tells Sansa to go to Jon at Castle Black and then he tries to distract Bolton’s men by telling them that Sansa is dead. The hounds find her pretty much immediately.
Brienne and Pod arrive on the scene before Bolton’s men can bring Sansa and Theon back to Winterfell. When all the men are dead, Brienne kneels and pledges her sword to Sansa. Sansa had turned Brienne away last season because she didn’t know whether or not she could trust her. She doesn’t make the same mistake this time. Brienne’s promise to Catelyn Stark is finally fulfilled as Sansa accepts her protection (with a little help from Pod on the wording). Hopefully things will turn around for Sansa now that she’s got Brienne and Oathkeeper at her side.
With respect to Dany’s timeline, she has been brought back to Essos and taken to the main camp of the new Khalasar. As is her nature, she hides her language skills until the perfect moment when she shocks the Khal and his blood-riders with her fluency in Dothraki. She reveals who she is, saving herself from being Khal Moro’s newest wife, but, in doing so, condemns herself to be brought to Vaes Dothrak. Khal Moro decides she is to live her life out as a proper widowed Khaleesi, among the Dosh Khaleen. This outcome was predictable, but the introduction of Khal Moro, and the offensive-yet-appropriate dialogue between his blood-riders (did I hear a “Yo Grandma” joke?), make this installment dynamic enough for the season’s opening episode. However, something tells me that Khaleesi won’t ever see Vaes Dothrak again; her plotline needs to shift to Westeros sometime soon, to remind us of her ultimate intent. Drogon could probably help out with that.
Meanwhile, in Meereen, the self-exiled son and accidental ruler Tyrion Lannister has decided to mingle with the commonfolk to make himself feel like more of a leader and less of a dictator. His new right hand eunuch Varys accompanies him, both dressed as common merchants. Witty banter is in the air. As they come across a local woman, Tyrion offers her some money so her baby can eat; but the horrified woman thinks he is paying her to eat her baby. Valyrian – not Tyrion’s strong suit. Varys clears up the misunderstanding and they move along.
The duo finds some ill-intentioned graffiti on the wall, and try to debate which of Daenerys’ many enemies wrote it – and to counter their point, they come across a red-priest-slash-Daenerys-supporter preaching, telling people to take up arms now that their queen is gone. Either way, this doesn’t bode well for the new management. As the Spider tries reassuring our little lord that his little birds are looking for the leaders of the Sons of the Harpy and he has nothing to worry about, they are greeted by a swarm of people running from the very direction they are headed; an ever-ominous sign. As the bell tolls, Tyrion and Varys race to the smoldering remains of what was once of the docks of Meereen, and Tyrion exclaims that they will not be returning to Westeros any time soon.Dammit.
Alright, so let’s be real here. This premiere episode was basically just a lot of the sad and depressing. To be fair, I may have set my hopes too high, considering this is The Game Of Thrones and not “Everyone lives and no bad things happen to my favorite characters.” That being said, let’s get into why I can’t hate The Lannisters. We find ourselves pitying Cersei as she waits on the shore to see Myrcella and Jaime, two of her most beloved family members. As the boat bringing them ashore gets closer however, we watch her smile fall, and the waterworks begin. In the castle, Jaime tries to console her while she admits that she knew this would happen. Personally I love the whole “What the shit are you talking about” look that Jaime gives, when Cersei tells him a witch prophesized that she’d lose her crown and her children. He tries to give a rousing speech but it basically ends up being ”Fuck everything that isn’t us,” which y’know…A for effort, buddy.
The Lannisters gets to your feelings, but you know what helps with that? Seeing everyone’s favorite little list-making murderer! Just kidding though, because Arya is still blind, begging on street corners, and basically being pitiful. However, it does seem that her training with the House of Black and White is continuing, as we watch her get beaten down by a waif. The waif leaves her with the knowledge that she’ll be back the next day.
Less significant storylines
- Why should we care about the Sandsnakes now? Everyone we like is dead.
- Ramsay Bolton is in trouble. He’s lost his wife and his possibility to make an heir. Here’s hoping that we get to see him choke on some sausage this season.
- Jorah and Daario are still on the hunt for Daenerys. And Jorah’s greyscale is getting worse. Where can we find the people that helped sweet Shireen?!
- We’ve seen Melissandre without her necklace before and she wasn’t all shriveled up and gross.
- Why was Trystane Martell on the way to King’s Landing? Was he chasing after the deceased Myrcella? *RIP*
We’ll see you next week for a recap of “Home”!