This finale had EVERYTHING: heartbreak; awkward dancing; balloons & flowers, metaphorically and figuratively; actual princess LEA SALONGA; a self cock-block which is that thing of when a guy gets drunk and tries to stay cool but acts like an idiot and ends up ruining his own chances; both lies and honesty; magic carpets; and most importantly, the most romantic reunion of all time.
The episode starts out in 1995, where the most adorable mini-Rebecca (smaller than usual and also adorable lil-Rebecca) is playing with her friend Jake, trying to make him fit into her princess narrative game complete with a fake horse and a Disney Princess-esque song. Just as Rebecca convincingly tells dumb Jake that she will have the best love story of all time, we cut to present day.
Rebecca and Greg are actually having a sweet and honest moment in the hospital, he admits he never wanted to go on a date and she admits she lied about all 8 of the dates she said she had. Seriously these two have never been this sweet and open with each other, that is until Paula walks in and kicks Greg out so she can give Rebecca a piece of her mind. She feels extremely betrayed by Rebecca and like Rebecca is undoing all of the hard work she did to get her & Josh closer together. While in reality she is probably just yelling or talking loudly, in Rebecca’s mind, this turns into a Rose’s Turn-style musical number that Donna Lynne absolutely NAILS! Apparently, there’s a lot she’s done for Rebecca that we don’t even know about, like putting a tracker on Josh’s moms car and making copies of his grades (why?) and controlling Valencia’s teaching schedule. When she’s done venting, she tells Rebecca that she’s fooling herself if she thinks she’s over Josh and storms out.
While Paula was having her turn, the boys, aka Josh & Greg, ran into each other in the hallways and basically had a pissing contest. Josh had gotten Rebecca flowers while Greg bought an ironic balloon. Because Josh doesn’t want to give up the adoration he gets from Rebecca and Greg is still insecure and feels like Becks is settling, their friendship is strained and they’re trying to one-up each other. Josh brings up their history while Greg reminds him that he has a girlfriend of FIFTEEN YEARS at home. This weird mini fight messes with Greg’s head, who acts weird when he takes Rebecca home, tries to make flowers and balloons into a metaphor for him vs Josh, confuses Rebecca, and just bails. We get to see a quick scene with Greg’s dad, who after hearing the whole story, and about how G will act like a cool bad boy, calls Greg an idiot – making me go YAS DAD HE IS, FIX YOUR SON!
Josh is also being weird around Valencia. She got a dress for the wedding (she needs a second look for the reception duh silly brain) that she claims is not technically white but, girl, come on. Josh thanks her for being patient and promises to look at rings and make this commitment, but asks for more patience so he can do it in his own way and on his own time. Valencia acts super cool about it but the second Josh leaves the room, she does the greatest sports-ball inspired celebration dance of all time.
Remember when Greg got weird and just bailed on Rebecca after the hospital? Well she noticed and is totally wondering what’s wrong with him. She can’t talk to Paula about it because they’re still fighting, so she turns to Heather. Queen Heather, despite the fact that this is so weird for her and must be hurting her on some level, is a good friend first and foremost, dismantles the patriarchal narrative of a princess and the “moment” Rebecca so craves, and tells her to just be honest with Greg about her feelings. “Angels don’t have to be singing, or some crap.”
Taking Heather’s advice to heart, Rebecca goes over to Gregs place to talk and share what’s in her heart but then he farts all over the moment; literally. While he’s looking for a 3 wick candle to cover the smell (ew, ew, ew), Becks sees Jayma’s wedding invitation and basically writes out the script for that night: they will go to the wedding together and it’ll be great and romantic and they’ll have their moment and Greg will know how she feels. She asks Greg if he wants to go together and he non-commitally agrees. The sliiiiiiight hiccup here is that Rebecca is not actually invited to the wedding, given that whole dress fiasco from a few weeks ago. Never one to be stopped, she buys the most expensive thing on the registry, uses Paula’s tracker thingy to find Mrs. Chan and gets herself re-invited to #JaymaPhillip2016. Let’s just take a moment here to appreciate Lea Salonga’s first scene this episode!!! She plays Josh’s aunt Myrna who was on star search in 1996 and wants to perform a number at Jayma’s wedding – honestly she’s Lea Salonga, I’d let her do whatever she wanted.
Super proud of herself for having done something cool and sneaky, Rebecca goes to tell Paula all about it and show her the kinds of adventures they can have if she dates Greg. Paula is having none. of. it! You know it’s serious too because Rebecca suggests hanging out together and going to get a donut or a donut-hole or a hole-nut and P doesn’t even flinch. As the scene fades away, the camera cuts to Darryl who is so heartbroken that these two friends are fighting and makes sad puppy eyes.
We don’t have time to dwell on sadness because Rebecca has a wedding to prepare for. She goes to a jewelry store to buy some earrings AND GUESS WHO WALKS IN?! JOSH!!! He’s back to look at some more engagement rings! This whole moment is so moving, first they are so happy to see each other and you can cut the tension with a knife, then she hears about the upcoming engagement and you can see R’s heart drop, then Josh looks sad too, and finally they mumble good wishes to each other and Becks leaves.
It’s now time to prepare for this wedding. Rebecca is giving herself a pep talk in the mirror when a bird lands on her window. She immediately becomes Snow White/Cinderella and starts singing & talking to the bird and asks it if it wants to help her get dressed. In a hilarious twist, the bird chirps back and there are subtitles to what he/she is saying – i.e. not at all what you’d expect a helpful word to be saying. A lovely touch that this show has is that Rebecca’s real life singing voice is only okay – compared to the fabulousness we get in the musical numbers – further distancing her fantasies from reality! Greg is downstairs waiting for her so when she’s dressed, she comes down while making trumpet noises with her mouth and telling him to imagine her on a cloud of magic. He obviously loves her dorky side and is blown away by her hotness in that dress but he’s being an idiot so he’s like “you look alright” & “I didn’t know we were getting fancy…” Like, BRO, IT’S A W E D D I N G!
When Grebecca arrive at the wedding, he’s being super snarky and sort of a pain in the butt. He goes to get shots and Josh comes forward, telling Rebecca she looks like a princess and that she deserves better. She dismisses his concern because she’s happy and he’s with Valencia and it’s fine she’s a grown up. Greg sees her talking to Josh so he comes back even snarky-er (who knew that was even possible). Rebecca really wants them to dance so she can tell him how she’s been feeling, instead, he aggressively dips her and then does some dumb sizzling bacon dance. I’m just now realizing how mad I’ve gotten at Greg throughout this episode. Anyway he finally agrees to dance normally because he sees her making sad puppy eyes but just as she’s about to say I like you Greg, the groomsmen come out with a dance on magic carpets that are actually hoverboards. Josh is eye fucking Rebecca again so Greg just downs some random drinks and Becks is like ugh.
Paula is sitting at home alone, just looking at pictures from the wedding, and Rebecca is also sitting at the wedding alone, just looking around. Darryl notices how unhappy Becca is so he goes over to Paulas, tells her to suck it up and be a good friend, and takes her to the wedding. Rebecca and Paula have the most touching reunion and hug and makeup and all is right in the world. Paula tells her to tell Greg how she feels and just be honest. Meanwhile, Josh’s aunt gives him a family heirloom to give to Valencia BUT he finds out that Valencia actually put his aunt up to it and gets frustrated. They have a big fight and Valencia says that they were having problems way before Rebecca showed up, that she’s put up with a lot, and that she’s done. SO THAT HAPPENS, THESE TWO JUST BREAK UP, AFTER FIFTEEN YEARS! Next up Rebecca and Greg are having a conversation and she pours her heart out to him. Greg, still being an idiot and now being drunk as fuck, says “we’re having fun, let’s not plan our future.” and passes out. My sweet angel White Josh apologizes to Rebecca on behalf of Greg and cleans up the mess.
Aunt Myrna is performing the song that mini-Becks sang at the beginning of the episode, which seems like a sign to Rebecca. Then Josh texts her to meet him outside. THIS IS WHERE THINGS START TO HAPPEN FAST. She goes, they run off in his sisters “just married” car, he tells her that he & Valencia are done, shows her that he keeps her letter from camp in his pocket at all time and they start making out. While Lea Salonga is belting this gorgeous ballad, everything changes. First we see WiJo & Darryl holding hands and being happy – MY SHIP IS SAILING! Then we cut to Joshbecca making out and hooking up on the front of the car. The car actually fades away and they’re on a magic carpet now, meaning Rebecca finally got the gasp and princess moment she’s always wanted. THIS IS ALL GOOD AND WELL BUT THEN WE CUT TO GREG. He wakes up, vomits and realizes that he should have told Rebecca that he LOVED her! To make things even messier, we revisit Josh and Rebecca who are cuddling and she tells him that she moved to West Covina for him – flat out tells him ALL OF IT like an insane person. Josh makes an uncomfortable face to camera – Jim Halpert style – and the shows title card flashes.
Honestly though what a beautiful episode to end such an amazing season of television. Like, it was actually perfect. Everyone was flawed and doing what they thought was right but also they were also overreacting and wrong and messy, like life is. You kept wanting to be mad at a character but then they’re so well developed that you can understand where they’re coming from and see that they’re not 100% wrong. I’m all about #TeamRebecca and love that there isn’t really a right or wrong answer at this point. There is so much that can be done for season 2 and I’m so excited to see how it turns out.
Lastly, I want to be cheesy and thank everyone that worked on Crazy Ex! I, like all of you, am psyched to go on this television journey with Rachel & Aline and everyone else! 5/5 nerd glasses and all the praise hands emojis!