Wayans Bros Declare Scary Movie is their Franchise, B****!

Scary Movie Review

Guess who’s back? Back again? The Wayans Bros are back! Though, to be honest, I was too young to grow up watching their show, and by the time I was old enough to watch the first two Scary Movies, the Weinsteins had run the franchise into the ground. In other words, I have no emotional attachment to the films or their parodies of then-relevant movies. But I at least heard about Scary Movie, and I saw the trailer they attached to Scream 7 back in February that said that they were gonna cross every line, so i figured what the heck? Let’s see if they can offend me enough to make me laugh. So, did Scary Movie manage to do that?

Meh. I’ve seen worse in my relatively short life on this planet. Though to be honest, it feels less like it was trying to be funny, and more like the Wayans Bros wanting payback for having the movies taken from them.  

What is even the Plot of this Movie?

The film’s plot, if you can call it that, centers around the return of bootleg Ghostface, AKA the killer from the original Scary Movie. That leads to the cast of the original movie reuniting in their hometown to try and figure out what’s going on in the hopes of putting a stop to it, while also involving the next generation. Note, though, how this film having a plot is questionable to begin with. If you’ve seen any of the Scary Movies before, then you’ll know that the plot is either tied together by silly string at best, or just non-existent. The films care more about telling jokes about things they want to parody rather than tell a coherent story. I mean, the opening is basically a crude parody of that fake Stab movie that opened up one of the later Scream movies in an effort to be so meta, it becomes a meta singularity. And then Ghostface comes and attacks the girl meant to be a parody of Wednesday.

I’m going to be honest: this film is pretty much all over the place. Firstly, there’s the fact that the negative continuity between films means that anyone who died before can come back with no explanation. Even Doofy is allowed to come back despite being the killer from the first movie. Apparently, he got a pardon for storming the Capitol when those people went bonkers, and has been living in fear of COVID. Those jokes would be funnier if the film had come out a few years earlier, but it’s been half a decade since that happened, so it already feels dated.

And the references. I’ve seen reviews that say the references to other horror movies are only skin-deep, like the Wayans Bros are trying to take whatever is relevant and make a joke about it. They’re right; none of it has any real substance to it beyond being used for humor. Thankfully, that’s the kind of humor I’m interested in since I love references, so that at least got a pass from me. Anyone else, though, is liable to think badly about Scary Movie. So, what was the whole point behind making this movie? I think I can sum it up in one word: revenge.

“F*** those Kids! This is our franchise!”

At this point, it’s public knowledge that the Wayans Bros were run out of the Scary Movie franchise by the Weinsteins and their execs. Karma stinks, though, because not only did the films go downhill from there, one of the Weinsteins is in prison for being a menace to women. The Wayans Bros, though, dont seem to be content with this. Underneath the jokes and crude humor, they’re trying to make fun of the whole “rebootquel” concept that Halloween 2018 started by having the OG cast and the supposed new generation generally being at each other’s throats. Mostly through Cindy and her daughter, Sara, being at each other’s throats about who the film should be about. It isn’t until the end of the film that this all comes together, and I should warn you, I’m going to spoil everything.

So, after the climax where the very obvious killers get unmasked, they are immediately killed by two more Ghostfaces, revealed to be Shorty and Ray, AKA the Wayans Bros themselves. They then go on this meta-tirade where they’re venting about getting kicked out of the franchise and how this was all revenge on everyone for it, including the OG cast who got to be in the other films. But then the OGs decide that the real enemy isn’t each other: its the next gen who wants to take their place. So, in the ultimate “f them kids” moment, they just decide to leave the teen cast to burn alive in the house as they set it on fire while they walk off like badasses.

I’m not going to lie: there were only a few moments of the movie that I actually found funny. But that ending was just so random that I couldn’t stop laughing walking out of the theater. It was so dumb! So stupid! They were basically flipping the bird to the idea of new blood taking over their franchise! It’s like the OG cast of Star Wars saw the sequels and decided “screw that. This is our story, ride or die,” and just killed off Rey, Finn, Kylo and the others. And then they did the same to Abrams and Johnson for good measure.

Look, I understand that continuing a long-running franchise means bringing in new blood, but the cast of the original Scary Movie is still fairly young. If the Wayans Bros wants to do this until they’re 90, that’s their decision!

The Ending to Scary Movie had me belly laughing! Thanks Wayans Bros

So, yeah. Scary Movie isn’t a good movie. I know it, critics know it, and Rotten Tomatoes knows it. But that’s not the point. The Wayans Bros wanted to let the world know that they took their franchise back, and anyone who wants it will have to take it from their cold, dead hands. In the meantime, though, I’m probably going to dress as Ghostface for Halloween and act like the Ghostface in this movie. My one regret is that the final product didn’t feature the Squid Game reference that the trailers promised. Or Shorty didn’t shout, “Run, b****, run!”

I Give Scary Movie a 2.8/5