Most families have a set of expectations that everyone is supposed to follow. It’s not the healthiest family dynamic, but it’s a common one because many parents view their children as a continuation of themselves. But not everyone fits the mold.
Every person is unique, and even years of family expectations and tailored upbringing won’t change this. Because of these innate differences, such family members get a label “Black sheep,” meaning unnecessarily sticking out.
Being a black sheep of your family brings a plethora of sad experiences: isolation, misunderstanding, dismissal, lack of support, etc. But these experiences are common. Let’s look at the real meaning of black sheep and 5 popular portrayals of them on TV.
Meaning of Black Sheep of The Family
What is a black sheep? When we think of sheep, we imagine them white and fluffy. In the 18th-19th centuries, when a black lamb was born into a white flock of sheep, they stood out. Black sheep were undesirable because their wool was commercially less valuable.
That’s where we got a perfect term for a person who differs from others who want them to fit in. People can be called the black sheep of the family meaning they may have different values, personalities, lifestyles, identities, or emotional expressions from their family. Traditionally, a “black sheep” was viewed negatively, as someone who disrupted the expected order.
However, being the black sheep nowadays doesn’t mean you’re automatically “wrong.” It used to be more beneficial not to stick out in the past due to collectivist values. Times have changed, and you have the right to experience life differently, think independently, and break generational patterns.
Signs That You May Be a Black Sheep of Your Family
- You feel fundamentally different from your relatives. You are not afraid of standing up for yourself, choosing a different professional path, or simply feeling internally different, even if you can’t fully explain why.
- Your values contradict family traditions. Due to this, many conflicts happen. Some people decide to stay silent during family gatherings not to spark any fights.
- Family members give you labels. For example, “sensitive,” “rebel,” “dramatic,” “difficult,” “weird,” and sometimes even a “leftist.”
- You tend to be blamed when conflict happens, even if you didn’t cause it.
- Your achievements don’t seem to matter. When you share good news about your life, there are three potential scenarios:
- Everybody will ignore you or give you a short cheer.
- Your achievements might be dismissed as “we knew you’d do it anyway” or “it wasn’t as big a deal for you.”
- Your achievements will be compared to those of other family members.
- You prefer spending time away from family gatherings because they feel draining rather than supportive.
- You choose your own path, even when it goes against your family’s expectations or established roles.
- You have a strong need for justice. It forms due to past experiences, when others treated you unfairly.
- You are not afraid to call out your family members. If certain people in your household are toxic, abusive, or biased, you will address their behavior, unlike other relatives who prefer to tolerate it.
Reasons Why You May Be a Black Sheep of Your Family
There is no single cause for becoming the family’s “black sheep.” Most often, it’s a combination of different factors, such as:
- You hold different beliefs than your family. This could relate to politics, religion, lifestyle, boundaries, health, or interpersonal relationships. Something, and especially radical (in their eyes), isn’t usually treated well, so your family might question why you would even want to change the system that worked for them for generations.
- You’re neurodivergent or have mental health traits your family doesn’t understand. ADHD, autism, anxiety, depression, emotional intensity, etc., can make you stand out in families. Besides the fact that neurodivergent traits are hereditary, your family members might be confused about them due to the stigma that surrounds different mental health conditions.
- You are more self-aware than your relatives. You notice tension, speak up about problems, or address unhealthy habits that others prefer to ignore.
- You break generational trauma patterns. Families can maintain/tolerate the same behaviors for decades. When you act out old roles because that’s how you see your life, you disrupt this cycle.
- Your relative can be jealous of you. If you outperform everybody, have a good relationship, and are generally a happy person, family members who are dissatisfied with their lives can be jealous of you. That’s why they might dismiss, ignore, or try to humiliate you.
The fact is that challenging comfort bubbles can actually be very useful for general development. A black sheep of the family can take on this uneasy role and carry the family to inner growth, even when nobody realizes it.
5 Examples of Black Sheep of The Family from TV
Stories about black sheep resonate deeply because they show what it feels like to be misunderstood, underestimated, or dismissed. But they are deeply engaging. Why?
Television would be dull if it narrated only about perfect characters and families who don’t change anything from generation to generation. A lot of great series and movies focus on black sheep of the families, outcasts, and rebels because they are interesting and they move the plot forward.
1. Eric from Sex Education (2019-2023)
Eric embodies the experience of being the family’s black sheep through his vibrant personality, queer identity, and unapologetic self-expression. His family loves him, yet they don’t fully understand him, especially the parts of him that challenge their traditions.
His story is evidence of how family can still love you, but still hesitate to accept you.
2. Mirabel from Encanto (2019)
Mirabel is the classic black sheep of the family, meaning she’s different. But the roles are reversed: she is the ordinary girl, whereas her family members all have magic powers.
Mirabel’s relatives underestimated her and compared her to those who are more “useful.” Yet Mirabel becomes the glue that holds the family together when they face intergenerational trauma. She fulfills the prophecy of the black sheep: disrupts old patterns so the family can finally heal.
3. Sam Winchester from Supernatural (2005-2020)
Sam Winchester is an example of a black sheep who doesn’t want to follow family tradition and chooses his own path. In the early seasons, we see how desperately Sam tried to quit monster hunting, their family business, because he always felt different from his dad and brother.
Refusal of the youngest Winchester to follow the destiny creates conflict, even though his choices are rooted in self-preservation and understanding of who he wants to be.
4. Elphaba from Wicked (2024-2025)
Elphaba is one of the most iconic “black sheep” characters ever written. Misunderstood from birth because of her visible differences, she becomes the symbol of being mistakenly judged.
Elphaba is an example of a black sheep, whom people envy. Not due to her green skin, but because of her intelligence and loyalty. Her story shows how people with low self-worth can make you feel like an outcast if they feel threatened by your power.
5. Claire Dunphy from Modern Family (2009-2020)
Claire Dunphy is a unique example, showing that being the black sheep isn’t always about rebellion. Claire has been a responsible one, but even good features were misunderstood as “controlling” and “intense.”
The reasons why Claire is a black sheep in her family are that she is inherently different from them. Most of her family is chaotic and unpredictable, and Claire needs structure to function. Both approaches are valid. And even when your family loves you, the differences can make you feel lonely.
Conclusion
Being the “black sheep” of your family can feel lonely, confusing, or unfair. From the examples above, we saw that even people who have the most lovable and respectful families can feel alone and dismissed because of their inherent differences.
However, these characters got the love of millions of people worldwide. Their hard past made them stronger and capable of solving the conflicts they face. They wouldn’t be so beloved if they followed family traditions; it wouldn’t be worth a separate series or TV show.
Whether your differences come from personality, values, identity, or self-awareness, they are worth honoring. If you recognize yourself in these stories, remember that being the black sheep can also be a path toward something better. Something that your family may have lacked, but you fixed it.
