I cannot believe that we’re here, again, at the end of Neighbours. Next week will be the final week of our beloved show, which makes this round-up the penultimate one before I metaphorically hang up my keyboard for a second time. There’s quite a lot going on as we hurtle towards the finale, so let’s get on with rounding it all up.
Andrew and Holly’s Affair Was a Total Waste of Time
Wendy has given Andrew free rein to go and be with Holly now she’s expecting his baby, and they do seem to share a bit of a moment while they’re at her 12-week scan. Holly decides to bite the bullet and goes over to his crummy motel to force him to make a decision about whether he wants to be with her or not. They kiss and immediately realise that there’s no spark any more.
Sadie sees Andrew and Holly together and reports back to Wendy that they failed her test – because that’s what it was when she told him to make a go of it with Holly. Thinking they’ve failed gives her a push further in the direction she was heading anyway – she has decided to get a divorce and sell the house, and she even takes off her wedding ring. When Andrew and Holly assure her that they’re not actually together, she says she doesn’t care and she wants a divorce anyway.
This just shows what a waste of time the test was anyway. Andrew “passed” and she still doesn’t want him, and I can’t say I blame her. But the test wasn’t as much of a waste of time as the affair in the first place, because Andrew is realising how much of a tit he’s been – not only has he imploded his marriage just to realise that he wanted to be with Wendy after all, but he’s also got himself fired in the process. It seems the affair was only exciting while it was an affair, and now they’re free to be together, it’s just not doing it for either of them, so it clearly wasn’t worth Andrew pulling the pin out of a grenade and yeeting it into the middle of his life. I suppose he’s going to come out of it with another child, but it’s been very costly for him.
Paul’s Keeping Secrets Even As He’s In The Doghouse For Keeping Secrets
Terese is extremely put out that Paul has been keeping some pretty big secrets from her about Thomas and Chelsea, and she blows up at him when she finds out. I still don’t really get this – Paul didn’t want to stand up in front of everyone and say marriage vows while keeping the secrets from Terese, but it’s morally fine to just not tell her while they weren’t married? It makes zero sense.
At this point in their relationship, Terese has pretty much accepted that Paul is a lying jerk and there’s nothing much she can do about it, so she reluctantly forgives him. Despite this narrow escape from Terese booting him out on his ear, Paul is still keeping a massive secret from her, not least the fact that Jimmy is back and he’s got a mullet now. Whatever the big secret is, it involves finance and family, both of which affect Terese. Is he trying to “do an Andrew” and explode his own relationship?
Addison Was Obviously Just There To Bring Clint Back
Clint is about to ask Addison to move in with him when her mum shows up. She’s miraculously managed to get herself off the drugs and has a house and a job, which is quite the turnaround from selling drugs out of her car. Clint is still going to ask Addison to move in with him but she beats him to it and says she’s going to go back to her mum’s. So this Addison storyline seems to have been just to bring Clint back into the cast, which I’m honestly not mad about, because Jane deserves to be back with her dashing younger man at this point in the show.
Remi Remembering?
Despite not remembering her life with Cara, when Remi hears that the street is under threat she comes back to help everyone fight the freeway and to decide how her and Cara will navigate their joint ownership of the house. Cara is trying to figure out what to write in the Ramsay Street history book, and reminiscing about her 40th birthday, when Remi suddenly gets a look on her face as though she’s rediscovered a lost memory.
I thought it would be some sort of second trauma that jogged Remi’s memory, but it already seems to be starting to come back on its own. However, there’s also about to be some big trauma as well.
Where’s JJ?
Cara and Remi can’t get hold of JJ, and normally I would say that he’s just off doing something catastrophically stupid somewhere, but then they receive an old-school ransom-style note about his whereabouts, made from letters cut out from magazines. At the same time, Cara has just discovered that one of the Linwells has escaped from custody and has clearly also had time to take up the two new hobbies of kidnapping and junk journaling. I do love the image of one of the Linwells taking JJ hostage and then spending time cutting and Pritt-sticking all those letters to a piece of paper. Why wouldn’t they just print a note out or write something? That’s a very time consuming way to announce a crime, and their fingerprints and DNA will be all over it.
Stepford Vs Trump Towers
Even though the residents of Ramsay Street put up about four placards in protest, the freeway looks like it’s going to go ahead, especially since several residents have already decided to accept the offers made on their houses. A brief word on that – when Susan read out the letter they got she called it a “compulsory purchase” of their houses, so I’m not sure why there also seems to be this process of having to accept the offers. Surely if it’s compulsory, you don’t have any other option?
Anyway, this is where we see Paul and Shane enter the fray for a pissing contest. Shane has already bought a big parcel of land to build a Stepford Wives-style suburb called Ramsay Hills, which he wants all the Ramsay Streeters to move into. It sounds too good to be true, if you ask me – big plots of land, custom-built houses, cycle lanes, loads of parks, eco-friendly AND affordable enough that they’ll have hundreds of thousands of dollars left over after buying? What is he making the houses out of, cardboard?
But it seems that Paul and Jimmy’s big secret is also property-based. Paul wants to build an awful hotel and apartment building called Robinson Towers and fill it full of his minions – sorry, his family – who he assumes will all want to come and both live and work with him. It’s so typical of Paul to try to orchestrate his entire family’s lives without consulting any of them first.
Does Paul really expect people to want to move from a leafy suburb to a high-rise? It’s such a different vibe. I think I’m Team Shane, honestly, despite the big promises which feel like lies. Paul’s penis extension of a tower is giving me Trumpy vibes, and it’s also just a bigger and more obnoxious version of Lassiters and the Eclipse apartments.
Is this an attempt by the writers to keep the door open for a return at some point? Moving the entire community somewhere else so we can pick back up with them all again one day? Or is that wishful thinking?
A Few Random Notes
As usual, here are a few random notes I took while watching Neighbours this week:
- That’s what you want someone to say after you’ve just kissed them. “Oh… I’ll make the tea.”
- Does Paul know so many Jimmys that he has to save him as “Grandson Jimmy” in his phone?
- Probably not the best photo opportunity if you’re obscuring what’s on your protest placard.
- Was Jimmy born in a barn? He’s just left the door wide open!
- Paul saying “copulating in the lift” is killing me.
- Trust Karl to be won over by naming a street after him.
