Seb’s recent “murder” on Neighbours ended up being a bit of an anticlimax once it was discovered what had actually happened, but it looks like we might be getting another blockbuster storyline to make up for it now. There’s lots to talk about after this last week, so let’s crack on with rounding up the last four episodes of Neighbours.
Paul Makes a Decision
The cliffhanger at the end of last week was Chelsea dropping the bombshell on Paul that Thomas isn’t his biological child, he’s Jeffrey’s instead. I expected Paul to blow up like a volcano, but instead he reacts really quietly and then scuttles off. He clearly considers telling Terese about it, but she’s very busy at work, so he stews over it by himself for a while, eventually reaching a really rather dumb decision.
He decides he’s just going to pretend that Thomas is his child after all. Chelsea is worried about Jeffrey, who is trying to blackmail her in exchange for keeping the secret about Thomas’ real paternity, but Paul assures Chelsea not to worry, and does some dastardly villaining in the background in order to keep Jeffrey quiet and out of their way.
I have absolutely no issue with people stepping up to be parents to children who aren’t biologically theirs, and I understand that after weeks of bonding with Thomas, Paul is completely smitten, but the decision to just continue pretending that Paul is the baby’s father is so daft. Why on earth would you want to attach yourself to someone as conniving and manipulative as Chelsea for the rest of your life when you don’t have to? She might be behaving herself right now (sort of), but she’s unpredictable and capable of some really nasty acts, so why on earth would you want to guarantee that you have to have her in your life forever? The least she’s going to do is attempt to split Paul and Terese up, but who knows what else she’s capable of?
Chelsea and Terese Clash Again
Staying on the subject of Chelsea, she arranges for Thomas to stay over with Paul and Terese again, but turns up with no breast milk, saying that she couldn’t express any and she’ll just have to stick around until Thomas needs feeding. Terese is obviously none too pleased, as she doesn’t want Chelsea hanging around like a bad smell at the penthouse any more than she has to. Later, when Terese pops round to the Varga-Murphys’, she happens to see a load of expressed milk in the fridge, so she knows it was just a ploy from Chelsea to spend more time with Paul and ruin Paul’s alone time with Terese and Thomas.
Terese confronts Chelsea, and the two have yet another row, because Terese can see right through Chelsea’s act and she knows what she’s up to. I absolutely love it when Terese gives someone both barrels, she’s completely terrifying and I adore it.
Jeffrey Outvillains Paul
Paul thinks he’s dealt with Jeffrey and his blackmailing antics, but Jeffrey decides he’s not done with this whole baby daddy situation yet, so he writes a letter to Terese that reveals the big secret. Paul has to play along and pretend he didn’t know, so he can do nothing but tag along after Terese as she rampages over to Ramsay Street in her stilettos to demand if Chelsea knew about what was in the letter. I absolutely cannot wait to see how this all plays out now that Jeffrey has let the cat out of the bag. For once, Paul seems to have been outvillained by someone else, which is quite something.
Dastardly Darcy
Talking of villains, Darcy puts his endgame into play. Jane decides to take Amanda out on a big family picnic trip, but when they come to fetch her, Darcy hears them talking about looking into her will and her power of attorney, and Darcy can’t afford to let that happen. He gets in Amanda’s ear and tells her that what he heard was them plotting to get her to sign everything over to them in order to take advantage of her. She’s furious, and she angrily confronts them and tells them the trip is off.
Darcy comforts Amanda, and suggests they make the trip together instead, but he gets called back into work at the last minute, so he puts her in an Uber by herself and says he’ll join her later. He then gets in touch with Tess in order to fix up an alibi for himself, telling her to meet him at a cafe, only he gives her the wrong location.
Darcy then heads to meet Amanda, and she finally starts to realise that she does indeed have the beginnings of dementia, and she’s upset about how things have gone with her family. It seems that Darcy then shoves her off the cliff, although we don’t see it happen, and makes a dash to meet Tess once he’s given her the right cafe name. It now looks as though Darcy has been waiting there for Tess all along, thus giving him an alibi for the time that Amanda “fell”.
Darcy then pretends to be trying to get Tess to give him a chance, and she actually seems to be going for it, despite her having given him one chance already and it ending very badly. What’s that saying? “Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me”. Tess has never heard that phrase before, has she?
Meanwhile, everyone is starting to get concerned that Amanda hasn’t been seen for a while. Andrew manages to find out that she was seen leaving in the Uber by herself, and the driver gives them her destination. Later on her body is found, and everyone thinks it’s just a tragic accident – a vulnerable and upset old lady dying by misadventure. Jane is obviously devastated, and blames herself for suggesting the picnic trip in the first place. Darcy even has the absolute brass neck to show up to pay his respects and bring flowers, when in reality he’s trying to figure out what the police know so far about what happened.
Karl has decided to change his approach to Darcy after some advice from Paul, so he pretends to apologise and get back on side with him. Holly is having none of it though, and given her recent form (more on that in a second) I’m kind of hoping that it’s her who figures out what Darcy’s really done. She could bring him down with a karate chop or two.
Holly Does a Holly Again
Andrew decides to meet up with Sandra, along with another colleague, to update her about the catfishing case and persuade her to hand her phone in to the police. Holly says he’ll scare her off, so she goes instead, and she manages to get Sandra to open up to her. But Andrew decides to speak to Sandra anyway and Wendy is outraged when she finds out that he was speaking to her without some sort of chaperone, as though he was some sort of Victorian debutante.
Wendy goes barrelling up to Sandra like an absolute madwoman and demands to know where Andrew is, even though if she thought about it for a second he’s clearly not with Sandra, so what is she so mad about? I really hope this tension in the Rodwell marriage is the prelude to Wendy leaving because I have had it up to my back teeth with her unhinged histrionics lately.
The reason Wendy can’t get hold of Andrew is because after looking at Sandra’s phone he figures out where the catfisher took one of his photos from, and he follows the trail to Phil, the angry gardener who got kicked out of Andrew’s self-defence class. It doesn’t go well for Andrew, as Incel Phil clonks him over the head with a spade once he realises Andrew is on to him.
But never fear, because Holly is on the case. She makes yet another fake dating profile to make a date with the catfisher, and when she gets to Phil’s she immediately senses that there is indeed something fishy is going on. She manages to lay Phil out with some sweet self-defence moves and rescue Andrew so, for once, “doing a Holly” pays off. I don’t know about Cara joining the police academy, I kind of think that Holly should give it a go.
A Final Glimpse of Harold
Agnes decides that she’s going to relocate to Queensland, and we get a final glimpse of Harold after Agnes wanders through a very unconvincing tropical set in a sunhat to surprise him. Harold is pleased to see her, so we all get to imagine them up there in the sunshine, getting on like a house on fire.
While I never really got on board with the Agnes storyline, on account of it being stupid and not making a lot of sense, I will miss Agnes and Max’s friendship, because it was super cute. I can’t believe I didn’t like Max when he first turned up, because he’s ended up being such an adorable little cinnamon roll. They Byron-ified him.
A Few Random Notes
As usual, here are a few random notes I took while watching Neighbours this week:
- It looks like absolutely perfect weather for a picnic, it’s blowing a gale and both Amanda and Darcy look freezing.
- Tess must be the most gullible person alive.
- Why do Krista’s eyes always look bloodshot?
- I love that Karl is getting villain advice off Paul.
- Oh, no! Not Andrew’s pretty head!
- Neighbours is getting way more violent recently!
- Coffee will come out of that jacket, just take it to the dry cleaner and then pop it on Vinted.
- “Chelsea: We’re not talking about balls now, are we? Cara: Ugh. When am I ever?” Excellent lesbian humour.
