I don’t know if the people in Erinsborough are being particularly dim this week, or if it’s just because I’ve been in a raging bad mood for a couple of days, but I’m about to throw shade at a lot of people.
Harold Says Goodbye
Before I slag everyone off, I have to say that the little retrospective of Harold’s time on Ramsay Street was truly lovely. Nothing melts my cold, dark heart more than a bunch of grainy Neighbours flashbacks.
Harold’s departure was, in true Neighbours style, extremely sudden and it didn’t really make a lot of sense. Harold was only talking last week about how he didn’t want to be a burden to Skye and Lana, and yet now he’s decided he’s going to go and live with them after all. So he packs up all of his belongings in a couple of days and there’s only time for a little gathering at the Kennedys’ before he leaves, where the Ramsay Street history book is dug out to facilitate some reminiscing that allows the producers to trawl through the archives for some of Harold’s biggest moments.
Harold has been a truly iconic Neighbours character, played with such warmth by Ian Smith, and we’re all going to truly miss him. I wish Ian all the very best with his health and give him my heartfelt thanks for being such a huge part of Erinsborough history.
Darcy and Chelsea Are Blatantly Scheming
The Kennedys have been fooled before by a baddie coming back and declaring themselves reformed, so it is boggling my mind how quickly they’ve been hoodwinked by Darcy. Because he’s clearly up to something.
Karl has some suspicions that Darcy might not be on the up and up, but he’s not confident enough in his intuition to block him from encroaching on his territory at Eirini Rising. Darcy has a bargaining chip with Karl, because he’s helping him with his painkiller addiction, and now he’s going to have one with Terese as well, since the two of them have formed an alliance so that Darcy can help her with her “Chelsea problem” in return for her employing him at Eirini. Susan is a bit taken aback by his sudden employment, but she loves nothing more than to trust a softly spoken conman/homicidal maniac, so she’s absolutely fine with Darcy being close to the vulnerable residents in her care at the retirement complex.
Holly’s Behaviour is Pretty Toxic
Holly and Max are still very much in the honeymoon period, but I have a feeling that it’s not going to last too long unless Holly can get her jealousy in check. At the self-defence class, Holly takes exception to a female classmate putting her hands on Max, even though self-defence is pretty difficult to learn without some touching, unless you’re going to walk around carrying a big stick at all times.
Holly lays the woman out, and only realises afterwards that she completely overreacted. I know she hasn’t had the best experience with boyfriends in the past, but she’s going to need to work on this, or Max will run a mile.
Wendy Seems Surprised That Teaching Involves Looking After Kids
Wendy is now a qualified teacher, but she hasn’t managed to land herself a full-time role yet. At the moment she’s working as a substitute teacher, moving from school to school as and when she’s needed. For some reason, this seems to be the worst thing that could possibly happen to her, and she simply will not stop moaning about having to travel to different schools. She also describes herself as a “glorified babysitter”. Teaching involves interacting with kids, Wendy – I don’t really know what you were expecting.
While I understand that it must be difficult to build up relationships with kids or feel settled if you’re moving from school to school, she has work. As a teacher. Which is apparently her dream job. She needs to get a grip.
Cara is in a Worst Mood Than Me
I can’t believe it’s even possible, but Cara is in a worse mood than I am because of her new job, which involves catching people out and snitching on them to management. She comes home from a tough day and takes it out on Taye, yelling at him for dropping a few beans on the floor and calling him a freeloader.
She’s so out of order and she doesn’t even realise it. She seems to think that half a bottle of wine and an opened packet of crisps is going to be enough for Remi to forgive her for yelling at Taye so much that he decides to move out. Luckily he’s not going too far, as he’s destined for the share house. I love how on Neighbours there’s always at least one house that’s absolutely chock full of a miscellaneous assortment of characters that don’t really fit anywhere else.
And as if Cara hasn’t been deranged enough by this point, after a conversation with Andrew she decides she’s going to be a cop, with absolutely no discussion with her wife first. Righto, Cara.
Sounding the Death Nell
I was starting to think that Seb’s murderer was going to turn out to be a random stranger rather than one of the main cast, but this week we find out that not only is it not a stranger, it’s someone who I never even suspected!
Nell comes back from her trip to America, and she’s immediately acting strangely. Most of the grown-ups put it down to all the stress around Leo’s trial preparation, as everyone is on edge about the possibility of him going to prison.
There’s only JJ who realises it’s more than that, and when he catches her drawing a picture of Seb being pushed into the lake, he realises that it was Nell who killed him. There’s a legal argument to be made that she didn’t murder him, as she only pushed him to stop him from hassling her, and she didn’t realise he’d fallen into the lake.
Now, JJ is not known for his talent for making good decisions, but even by his standards, the way he and Nell decide to deal with this revelation is the worst decision they could possibly come to. Their big plan is to hope it all goes away.
They know that Leo is definitely innocent, so they’ve decided to just hope that the jury at his murder trial come to that decision too, and then it will all be over without anyone ever having to know what Nell did.
I know they’re only kids, but this is so mind-blowingly stupid. Nell’s dad is a lawyer, and she’s a juvenile, which means she would face more lenient punishment for what she did, not to mention that she has a pretty good argument for self-defence and for her having not meant to kill Seb. Compare this to Leo, an adult who is going to face the full force of the justice system, and who has a pretty compelling motive for wanting Seb dead. And the icing on the cake is that the expert who was willing to testify in his favour has jumped ship to the prosecution, so things are not looking very rosy for Leo at all. I cannot believe Nell and JJ are going to let Leo potentially get life in prison for something he didn’t do when they could so easily stop it. What a pair of dunces.
Leo Does a Runner
Leo is in an impossible position. His defence case is looking quite weak and he’s facing the very real possibility of having to leave his daughter and his business behind to spend a lot of time dressed exclusively in green. He doesn’t help himself though, by apparently doing a runner, packing up his and Abigail’s things and sneaking out in the middle of the night.
Leo is a smart guy, and I can’t believe he thinks this is the solution to his current problem. Firstly, doing a runner makes him look hella guilty. Secondly, what’s the plan? Does he not think the police are going to be looking for him? He doesn’t exactly blend into the background – he looks to be about nine feet tall for one thing. What’s he going to do for money? Where’s Abigail going to go to school? He just hasn’t thought this through at all.
My Queen Vera Has Been Promoted to the Titles
I am simply thrilled to see my incredible Queen Vera in the titles. Hopefully this means she’ll be sticking around for a long, long time. Joining her in the title sequence are Gino, Hillary, Agnes and Moira, and while I don’t love the Agnes/Madge doppelgänger thing, I really love having a cast of older characters and I hope they get some good storylines. The Eirini crew has the potential to be an absolute riot.
A Few Random Notes
- “I’m entitled to a voice here,” Paul says about Darcy’s appointment at Eirini Rising. In what capacity, Paul?
- 🚨 VERA IS IN THE TITLES 🚨
- Nell is being mega weird. Her voice has gone peak bleating goat.
- So Holly is straight-up assaulting women who come anywhere near Max?
- It’s a bit risky of Nell to be doing drawings of the murder she committed out in the open air where anyone might see.
- Surely the person working at the coffee shop heard every word of that shouted conversation about the murder that they surely know about.
- “This whole thing might go away.” JJ, THIS MIGHT BE THE WORST DECISION YOU EVER MADE, AND THAT IS SAYING SOMETHING.
- Max is telling Taye that convincing Byron to let him move in might be tricky because it took him ages to warm up to him. Wasn’t that because you were cracking on to his girlfriend, Max?
- I knew it! I knew Cara is the new Poirot!
