Happy New Year, everyone! I hope you all had a wonderful Christmas and New Year. Mine was lovely but I spent two weeks at my brother and sister-in-law’s house, and they are a Non-Neighbours Household. So not only did I have to cope with adjusting to it being 2024 and having to stop eating so much cheese and go back to work, I also had to contend with watching three weeks’ worth of Neighbours in four days in order to submit this for my deadline. I did it though, so here are a few of my thoughts about the past three weeks of Neighbours. Apologies for this being a bit of a bumper edition.
The Wedding
I’ve made no secret of my dislike of Chloe and Elly as a couple, and the wedding is as underwhelming as I expected it to be. There is no real drama, as there usually is with Neighbours weddings, aside from Elly’s mum being uninvited and Chloe not being able to manage to walk in her high heels. The brides’ outfits are both really boring, the ceremony is kind of dull, Karl sings – it’s all just a bit meh. The only bit I got even vaguely animated about was when Melanie put her half-eaten breadstick back down on the buffet table. At least she could have thrust it into a bush like Sadie does.
The other notable moment is the discussion of Chloe and Elly’s couple name, with Nicolette writing “Chelly” on their car window, which no doubt will have made a lot of people very happy. All in all, though, I thought it was a bit of a lacklustre way to see off a character as popular as Chloe, unless she’s returning at some point. If she does, let’s hope she doesn’t bring Elly with her.
Melanie is a Diva Again
Things are looking a bit dodgy for Melanie, as it seems like she’s about to be extradited to the UK to face the drug charges she fled from. Ahead of her extradition hearing, she mentions to Nell that she’s collecting character references, and Nell takes it upon herself to ask Toadie for one on Melanie’s behalf. Thinking that Melanie has asked Nell to ask him, Toadie flies into a rage and writes an awful character reference, but he has a change of heart and goes racing to the hearing to hand in a different, more positive, reference. I think we are seeing the first steps towards Melanie and Toadie getting back together.
Terese apparently agrees, because when Melanie is secretly gifted the Drinks Diva van to celebrate her not being extradited, Terese assumes that Toadie dropped $30k on his ex-wife without running it past his current one. Even Melanie thinks it’s Toadie who bought it for her, and everyone is wandering around looking confused and scratching their heads about who could possibly have bought the van. They all seem to have forgotten that the other person wrapped up in the extradition drama, Krista, is from an impossibly wealthy family and owes Melanie a pretty whopping favour.
Really, none of you can think of anyone else who would possibly buy Melanie the van? The Ramsay Street residents are outrageously thick sometimes.
I’m Done With Hazzy
I could probably write a dissertation about how unbelievably over Haz and Holly I am.
After Mackenzie accidentally tells Haz that she has feeling for him, Holly is left feeling insecure, which isn’t helped when Mackenzie knits Haz a scarf in his favourite colour for Christmas. Despite the fact that Holly’s got an equally thoughtful present on the way for Haz, she goes into a bit of a jealous rage and rips the scarf to shreds, blaming it on Trevor. #justicefortrevor
Her absolutely unhinged, and very Izzy, behaviour is captured on the dog cam, and this is where Haz should have run several miles away without looking back. He starts to do that, but then Holly falls in the pool while having an argument with Mackenzie, and Mackenzie just flounces off and leaves her to it, not realising that the weird neck sash on her hideous dress has wrapped around the Christmas tree that had fallen in the pool earlier.
Of course, it’s Haz who jumps in to rescue Holly, and now they’re trauma-bonded back together again. They’re even together enough for Haz to come for dinner with Holly and Karl and be grilled about all aspects of his life and future plans, which sends Holly into a tailspin. She knows Haz isn’t that into her, but says that he just “needs to catch up.” Oh, honey, no. If he’s not into you, you need to move on and find someone who is. Haz is so lukewarm about Holly that everyone can see it a mile off – they’re just so wrong as a couple, and I’m completely bored stiff with the constant insecurity and awkward lack of chemistry. Hazzy needs to stop.
Erinsborough’s Crap Parties
Erinsborough has thrown more than its fair share of crap parties over the years, so it shouldn’t be a surprise that all the parties that happen over the Christmas and New Year are crap. First there’s the cripplingly dull wedding, then the party over at Haz, Byron and Mackenzie’s, where everyone is mad at each other and a Christmas tree tries to murder Holly. Not to be outdone, Krista throws the crappest of all parties at The Waterhole, where the theme seems to be to wear some sort of deranged halo, and Krista ends up in hospital.
It’s clear she’s ingested some form of opiate, but how she managed to do that is a mystery. I’ll admit I thought it was Paul at first, but like Leo, I’ve changed my mind on that one. Who else has such an axe to grind with Krista? Did Eden sneak in and out of the party without anyone noticing? Or did he maybe pay one of the underage kids to spike Krista for him?
Incidentally, it does make me laugh that JJ thinks he can get away with going to a party underage without his mums finding out, when most of the people who live on his street are in attendance. At least Cara points out to him that half the street saw him there. He’s not the sharpest crayon in the box, is he?
Wendy’s At It Again
Wendy’s not been too unhinged lately, but she’s back to her normal crazy ways again. She’s on Sadie’s back about her enrolling in university, and Sadie plucks up the courage to tell her that she doesn’t want to go, she wants to train as a make-up artist instead. Wendy immediately loses the plot and tells her that it isn’t a real job, Sadie accuses her of being prejudiced, and Wendy replies with the absolute zinger: “I’m not prejudiced, some of my best friends are make-up artists”, which made me snort.
She speaks to Andrew about how to handle the situation, and he very sensibly warns her that they shouldn’t be making Sadie’s decisions for her, but then he very stupidly leaves it down to Wendy to deal with the situation. Wendy’s bright idea about how to tackle it is for her to complete Sadie’s enrolment form for her, which is possibly the worst way she could have handled it. Understandably, Sadie loses it completely and threatens to move out – I can’t believe it’s taken this long for her to do that, to be honest.
I’m all for Sadie becoming a make-up artist anyway, it’d be nice to actually see her doing something, other than taking on the role of a sort of confusing agony aunt/ Yoda figure for her friends, and being a vehicle for other people’s storylines.
Christmas Comedy Award
I have to give Jane a shout-out for her comedy props over the Christmas period. Not only did we have a lovely nod to her makeover scene from back in the day, but we also got to meet Drunk Jane again, who is always a joy. “I quite like a mixed drink”, she says tipsily at the wedding. No s**t, Sherlock!
