It’s my final ramble about Ramsay Street for this year, as I’m taking a little break over Christmas and will be back at it in January. Before I sign off, here are some imaginary awards to celebrate the best and worst of the return of our beloved and silly soap.
Bin Bag Award for Being the Biggest Trash Person
Haz might have had a little run at this one right at the end of the year, and Nicolette’s wardrobe was a contender, but I think it really has to go to Paul, who I’m positive has won this one several times before. So far, during the return, we’ve seen him trying to destabilise Terese’s marriage, recruiting Byron to help him dig up dirt on Reece, continuously refusing to respect David’s boundaries, and the big one – helping Melanie to cover it up when she thought she’d killed Krista.
His only redeeming quality is that he’s tremendous fun, and we can always rely on him to inject a bit of drama into every situation. However, he still needs to pop himself into the general waste.
The Tangled Knot Award for the Most Complicated Love Life
This one has to be awarded to Toadie and Terese for being with other people when Neighbours ended and having gone through some incredibly speedy relationship breakdown, divorce, and re-marriage in the space of the two-year jump. Not only that, but Toadie works in the complex run by his current wife’s ex-partner, and Terese thought it would be a simply marvellous idea to move Toadie’s ex-wife into the street while she recovers from her accident. It’s all very complicated and messy, but Toadie has managed to get Terese to put on a pair of jogging bottoms, so he wins some bonus points for that.
The Worst Taste in Partners Award
This one is a very tight three-way contest. First of all, Byron shacked up with the hotel’s big boss, who’s a good deal older than him and from a completely different world financially. Not that people should only date within their class or that age gaps are necessarily a big issue, but their relationship did always have the vibe of a middle-aged woman dating a young waiter on holiday.
The next contender is Holly, who used to date the vampire-looking Eden, who turned out to be a real wrong ‘un, locking people in sheds, blackmailing people, stealing handbags, and knocking out teenagers. Her current boyfriend is Haz, who’s turned out to be an actual wet wipe stringing her along despite not appearing to be interested in her. He genuinely looks at her like he hates her sometimes.
The winner, though, has to be Chloe because her partner is Elly. I will not be taking questions at this time.
The Elly Conway Worst at Making Decisions Award
This award is named after Elly because she has truly made some of the worst decisions in television history. I don’t think she’s done enough to warrant winning it herself this year, though – even that questionable jumpsuit hasn’t swung it for her.
No, I think this one has to go to JJ, which feels a bit mean because he’s a kid, but honestly, he caused such a lot of fuss about nothing. He became convinced that Andrew was his dad and persuaded his family to move to the same street so he could get a look at him. Then he broke into their house to look for “evidence” of his parentage, told everyone of his suspicions at exactly the worst time, blew up his mum’s marriage, stole a motorbike. It really was quite a busy few weeks for the kid, and Andrew wasn’t even his dad in the end. I hope he calms his farm a little bit in 2024.
The Stupidest Accident Award
There haven’t been all that many accidents since the return, so honestly, it has to go to Melanie for getting yeeted down the stairs at the school protest. I’m the clumsiest person in the world, but even I would be embarrassed to admit that I had become yet another victim of Erinsborough High.
Most Unhinged
I made this category up specifically so I could award it to Wendy. She’s as mad as a box of frogs, and I don’t know how Andrew puts up with her. If she’s not trying to start cheerleading at a job interview, she’s demanding her husband arrests her or barging into people’s houses without knocking first. If she lived near me, I would immediately sell my house, and I couldn’t cope.
Best Newcomer
Trevor! No contest. 13/10. Perfect, no notes.
Favourite Returnee
It was only ever going to be Richie after his incredible appearance at the protest. The only way Richie could have possibly missed out on this one would have been if our Lord and Saviour Mick had returned.
Peak Neighbours Moment Award
There have been a few, especially during the school protest episode, but the moment I knew that Neighbours was back was when Toadie was trying to wheel a double bed piled high with his belongings across the street. It was inevitable that the bed would roll down the road, and there would be a comedy chase, and it was so quintessentially Neighbours that it made me feel all warm and fuzzy inside. Perfection.
So that’s it for 2023 – what a year it’s been for Neighbours fans. Thanks to everyone who’s read my round-ups. I can’t wait to give some bombastic side-eye to more Neighbours nonsense in 2024. Merry Christmas and a happy new year, everyone!
