I can’t quite believe it, but here I am writing my penultimate weekly round-up of Neighbours, and I’m not even doing it justice because, yet again, it’s one of those weeks where I’ve only seen up to Thursday. I don’t want to waste any more time dwelling on end, though, so here’s my round-up of last week’s UK episodes.

Jane Dumps Clive

Jane is still struggling with her discovery that Clive has been basically leading a woman on for years in order to milk her for hospital funding, and Clive can’t seem to understand why she’s upset by it. I don’t know, Clive, perhaps it could be because you’ve been lying to her about it, or maybe it’s the moral issue with stringing a woman along for financial gain and your career advancement, or it could be the fact that you clearly enjoy a wealthy and attractive woman stroking of your ego. Or, just maybe, it could be all of these things, Clive, you absolute frying pan.

Photo: © Channel 5. Source: Digital Spy

I’m usually pretty fond of Clive, but the fact that he can’t seem to grasp why on earth Jane hasn’t instantly forgiven him for this is driving me a bit bonkers. Also, he’s had the audacity to throw a lot of shade on Byron for his choice of career. Clive might not have bumped rude parts with his wealthy admirer for a while, but I’d argue that what he’s doing is very much in a similar vicinity to Byron’s job, and at least Byron has the balls, to be honest with himself about what it is he’s doing.

It truly comes to something when Dr. Karl is lecturing you about the ethics of your behaviour and the downfall of enjoying the attention of a woman who isn’t your partner.

There’s More Real Estate Chat Than We’re Used To

There was an awful lot of real estate chat as Paige swanned back into our lives and immediately started trying to sell houses in a part of the country where she no longer lives. More specifically, she’s trying to sell Chloe’s house, something that Chloe neglected to tell the people who actually live in said house – they had to find out by seeing a “for sale” sign go up outside.

Chloe is selling her house due to having done some soul searching and deciding that there’s nothing keeping her in Erinsborough. Nothing that is, apart from her career, her brother, her niece, and some of her best friends, but let’s not be picky. She soon gets rid of her pesky job by handing in her resignation, but she leaves everyone else guessing as to why it is she’s really deciding to move on. I saw the teaser for upcoming episodes, so I have a feeling I know why it is she’s decided to leave, and I am not happy about it, but then I’m not a big fan of people who can’t make a good decision to save their lives and have about as much charisma as a wet mop. But anyway.

There’s also talk of Terese buying River Bend and setting it up as her own business. I have faith in Terese as a businesswoman, but I can think of few places where she would be more out of place than in a wilderness retreat, even if she does turn it into some bougie event venue. What would she even wear there? Stilettos and a business cape are going to look kind of ridiculous on a nature trail.

Photo: © Channel 5. Source: Digital Spy

We Witness The World’s Least Charismatic Zoom Call

We’ve all suffered the torture of a terribly stilted and tedious Zoom call since the start of the plague times. Still, I’ll have to admit, the ones involving members of my own family have never been quite as underwhelming as the one Paul had with most of his children this week. Elle and Leo were doing an awful lot of heavy lifting with keeping the conversation going and acting like they wanted to be there. Still, despite this, Paul is so enamored with the pretty foreign concept of seeing his offspring that he decides he’s going to move to New York. This puts David under pressure to make a move as well because he seems to have forgotten that his husband owns a business in Erinsborough (although, to be fair, I think Aaron has also forgotten about that). The mother of his child is also there.

Nicolette is pretty horrified that David is even considering moving to another continent, and everyone seems to be acting like that’s the biggest obstacle to them moving when in fact, I think the small matter of David’s criminal conviction for manslaughter might end up being the deciding factor. Of course, the USA is historically not a fan of granting residential visas to people who have been convicted for other people’s deaths, but sure, let’s all just get worked up over the way a multi-continental parenting agreement is going to work.

Glen is Basically Paul in a Flannel Shirt

Glen is getting jealous because Terese has had the audacity to interact with the man she’s still married to a few times. I’m no fan of Paul, but Terese clearly loved him enough to marry him, and you don’t just turn those kinds of feelings off. It’s not even as though she and Paul split up after a gradual process of falling out of love. They were still going strong until he did enough of his sociopath stuff for her to decide he wasn’t worth the hassle, finally. But Glen can’t handle her having anything to do with Paul, and what he’s doing by being incredibly jealous is pushing her straight back into his arms.

Terese truly has terrible taste in men, and honestly, the way Glen has been so controlling lately, he’s showing that he’s more like his half-brother than he’d probably care to admit. She should jack both of them in and totter off into the sunset, and she deserves better.

Amy Makes Things Awkward

Amy finally confesses to Toadie that she sees him as more than a friend, which is going to make everything so awkward in the run-up to the wedding. She’s making Melanie’s dress, helping organize the wedding, and living with them. I know she’s trying to move out, but these things don’t happen quickly, and now she has to live in the same house as Toadie and his wife-to-be after practically telling him she’s in love with him. Terminal cringe.

Izzy Gets Busy

Izzy has only been here five minutes, and she’s caused so much chaos. I don’t know what it is about Kennedy men falling for her nonsense, but it has to be genetic. Not only is Mally (vomit) completely drinking the Izzy Kool-Aid, but Karl is also falling for it all hook, line, and sinker. Izzy is trying to get the Kennedys to agree to her and Mal moving back to Erinsborough, using Holly as a bargaining chip, and Karl swallows the entire thing. As usual, there’s only Susan, who seems to have any sort of sense when it comes to Izzy, presumably because she doesn’t have whatever genetic condition it is that Karl seems to have passed on to Mal.

Photo: © Channel 5. Source: What to Watch