I really had to stop and think hard about what I was going to focus on for this week’s round-up because literally, all I care about is the return of one of my all-time favourite characters ever. More on that later, but first, let’s round up the rest of the week (minus Friday’s episode because I’m a failure at life).
Jane Has Zero Empathy
Jane paints herself as this mind-mannered, wouldn’t say boo to a goose type, but every time she gets the chance to show someone a bit of compassion, she does the exact opposite. You only have to look at the way she treated Zara to see that she’s super judgemental and completely lacking in empathy. This week, after Zara intervened and put in a good word for Aubrey (also known as Crabbe in my head), Jane does a u-turn on her hard-nosed stance that she wouldn’t help her with her education. This girl tried to frame Zara for arson, and she’s still more willing to help her than Jane is.
Once Jane decides to organise some home schooling, Aubrey’s gran comes in to get the materials she needs and doesn’t hear Jane tell her when the deadline is for one of the forms she needs to fill in. Lo and behold, her gran misses the deadline, and Jane is exasperated, clearly thinking she’s stupid, so she palms her off on Curtis because she can’t be bothered with her anymore. It’s Curtis who notices that Aubrey’s gran might have a hearing problem, but she’s very defensive when he raises it as a possibility. It’s a good job. It’s Curtis who noticed this because I’m sure Jane would have zero patience with her. Her behaviour is so at odds with the way she presents herself, and it’s very curious. But you’re not fooling me, Jane.
Glen Acts Remarkably Like Paul Again
I mentioned last week that Glen is really honouring the Robinson family tradition of having a surprise adult child. Still, this week he went even further in emulating Paul by meddling with Kiri’s love life – and she doesn’t even know Glen is her dad yet. He doesn’t want her to stick around because it’s awkward for him knowing he’s her dad when she doesn’t, so he sabotages her romance with Nicolette before it’s really got off the ground. He tells Kiri about Nicolette’s questionable past, including stealing a dead man’s winning lottery ticket and selling a baby – you know, just the normal skeletons that everyone has in their closet. While it probably is important that Kiri knows these things at some point, it’s not really Glen’s place to tell her, and he feels very guilty for it afterward.
In an attempt to make amends, he arranges a date for the two of them and comes clean that it was him who spilled the beans on Nicolette’s dodgy past. Nicolette is absolutely furious and pushes him into the water in the middle of the complex. I was rooting for her, but I can also see why reacting in that way might put someone off dating you, which is exactly what happens. Kiri does not have time for this drama, so she nopes out of there. Glen’s meddling is so Paul Robinson that I can’t even. They might only be half brothers, but it seems like the genes are very strong in this family.
Freya and David Couldn’t Look More Guilty if They Tried
After Freya and David sat back and watched Gareth die instead of helping him, they’re now in the middle of trying to act normally and avoid suspicion, but they honestly couldn’t look more guilty if they tried. David is wearing his guilt like an elaborate and brightly coloured hat, right there on the top of his head for everyone to see. Everybody can see he’s acting weirdly, especially poor Kyle, who almost chokes to death right in front of him, while David just glazes over and stares into the middle-distance like me trying to avoid catching anyone’s eye on public transport.
Freya, meanwhile, has a visit from Gareth’s girlfriend Emma, who knows that something dodgy happened and makes it very clear that she’s going to make sure they pay for it. Freya denies they did anything wrong, but later, when Emma tries to confront David, Freya lets slip that they “did her a favour.” Wow. Well done, Freya. Why don’t you just get a T-shirt made with “WE LET GARETH DIE” printed on it in neon letters? Freya is now as on edge as David, which leads to the moment of the week that made me yell at the TV when Levi knocks on Freya’s door and asks her, “Since when do you guys screen people at your door?” That’s literally the entire point of doors, Levi. This guy is a cop. Dear god.
The Stork is Circling Erinsborough
The stork is overhead, as there’s a lot of baby talk in Erinsborough this week. Roxy is absolutely convinced she has a bun in the oven and is acting as though she’s already pregnant, so obviously, we’re all expecting that to not be the case whenever she ends up taking a pregnancy test. However, Roxy’s broody behaviour gets Amy thinking – she made such a mess of bringing up her existing kids that she suddenly decides she wants to give it another go. Because that’s usually how child-rearing goes, isn’t it? Third time lucky and all that, just keep pumping them out until you manage not to mess it up: “Oh crap, this one’s an arsonist, I’d better have another crack at it.”
The news sends Ned into an absolute crisis because he doesn’t even know if he wants kids. Let’s face it, Ned doesn’t know much, so it should come as no surprise to anyone that he’s never thought about having kids before. Is this going to spell the end of their relationship? I hope not because that will mean he’s probably going to end up with Harlow, and that is going to go down like a cup of cold sick with me.
All Hail the King
Mick is back! I was so excited when he sashayed onto the screen, and I kept having to rewind his best bits. I adore Mick, and I desperately need him to have his own spin-off show. He’s back in the form of an assistant to the obnoxious fashion designer Terese and Chloe are attempting to get to come to Lassiters for some sort of big fashion event. Because Mick is absolutely awful, he spends the entire day demanding five-star treatment from Terese and Chloe, getting massages and drinking Milky Mick cocktails. He tells them that how to tempt Montana to come to Lassiters is by putting tiki torches, gladioli, and ice sculptures everywhere. Chloe is suspicious and asks why he’s helping them, and he replies that if they look good, then he looks good too.
Terese and Chloe follow his advice, but it turns out that Montana hates all of these things, and Mick is just trying to sabotage them. When Chloe confronts Mick (while he’s eating an entire platter of food to himself) and asks what happened to him, “if you look good, I look good,” Mick just says, “I always look good, babe.” I love him so much.
When they figure out what’s going on and try to tell Montana, Mick drags her off because he’s spotted a quiche. It’s all solid gold with Mick, and he can do no wrong for me. In the end, though, it turns out that they didn’t actually need any advice from Mick or anyone else because all they needed to do to get on Montana’s good side was to wheel Leo out to charm her with his dimples. I’m with Montana on that one. He is very charming.
I really hope Mick will be back again next week. There’s just no such thing as too much Mick.