Happy New Year, everyone! I hope you all had a lovely festive period and that you didn’t miss Neighbours too much while it was on its Christmas break. I understand that the UK has now overtaken Australia in terms of pace. Having both countries on the same episode is clearly something that the universe cannot deal with, so be aware that this round-up is of last week’s UK episodes.

Paul and Terese Have Clearly Been Lifting

Terese has been dangling off the top of Lassiters for a couple of weeks, displaying some truly phenomenal upper body strength. Seriously though, I could support my body weight for about five seconds before I had to let go, but somehow Terese manages to hold on until Paul, a man with one leg, gets all the way to the top of the building and hauls her to safety. Everyone is shaken by how close Terese has come to a possibly fatal accident (apart from Harlow, but more on that in a moment), and the whole street pulls together to support Terese and make sure she isn’t left alone while she tries to get back on top of her addiction.

Look at those guns. Photo: © Channel 5. Source: Digital Spy

Everyone Has Harlow Fatigue

When Harlow finds out that Terese almost fell off the roof, she honestly couldn’t give two hoots, despite being the last one to speak to Terese before she slipped. It was during their argument that the papers on Glen were scattered, which is what Terese was reaching for when she went over the edge. But Harlow doesn’t care. In fact, she is very quick to pour scorn on Terese for being drunk, leading to quite a few raised eyebrows. David has a theory that Harlow might have compassion fatigue, which is where a person suffers from a type of emotional exhaustion due to trauma. I think David is expecting Harlow to be relieved to receive a possible diagnosis and to want to seek treatment for it. Still, she instead declares that she’s fine, thank you very much, and that life is a lot easier when you don’t care about anyone else – I mean, I get debilitatingly sad every time I see an old person, so I imagine she’s right.

Amy’s Daughter Has Incredible Timing

After Amy has a raunchy dream where she’s having a threesome with Ned and Levi, she can’t stop thinking about doing it in real life. The three of them get a bit tipsy, and Amy confesses her fantasy to them, and they end up making it a reality. Nothing ever goes smoothly in Erinsborough, though, so of course, Amy’s daughter Zara picks this exact moment to arrive unannounced and walks into her mum’s bedroom to find the three of them in bed together. Amy has got marginally less annoying the longer she’s stayed in Erinsborough, but I remember how much she grated on me when she first arrived, and now her daughter is doing the same. Zara’s clearly not meant to be likable, though. She’s an absolute, weapons-grade brat.

After trying to lie to cover up what’s going on, Amy decides the best approach is to be honest, so she tells Zara that she’s polyamorous and doesn’t get the reaction she is hoping for. Zara is furious that her mum can’t just be normal like other mums. We’ve all been there, but I probably said it when my mum was dancing while doing the hoovering or something equally benign.

Like me, Zara is not a fan of Amy. Photo: © Channel 5. Source: Digital Spy

I’ve been pretty critical of Amy, Ned, and Levi’s communication, but this time they actually nailed it. The three of them are all into the idea of the threesome, but afterward, they all decide that they don’t really want to do it again, and so they go back to the way things were before. Well done for actually talking to each other, for a change.

Glen and Terese Get Closer

Terese is drawing closer to Glen as he helps to support her in the wake of her relapse. He’s also an alcoholic, so Terese feels comfortable confiding in him without receiving any judgment. She’s in emotional turmoil, and Glen is providing a steady and reliable influence that she is beginning to depend upon. Still, surely it’s all going to go tits up when she finds out that her wedding ring, which has mysteriously reappeared, has been in Glen’s possession all along. And she will find out because this is Neighbours. There’s also the matter of Harlow, who has been like a dog with a bone when it comes to Glen. She’s determined to dig up dirt on him, and she won’t rest her new evil powers until she does.

Photo: © Channel 5. Source: Digital Spy

Roxy’s Mum Comes to Ruin the Wedding

Roxy and Kyle are going full steam ahead with getting married because two weeks is a completely normal and sensible time period in which to plan a wedding. There’s bound to be some sort of massive disaster, especially since they’ve employed the King of Chaos himself, Mick, to be their wedding planner. I do hope he puts the bridesmaids in crab costumes.

Roxy’s mum arrives to help plan the wedding, or at least that’s what Roxy thinks she’s here for. In actual fact, she’s here to stop the wedding, because of course, she is. There has never been a Neighbours wedding that all went to plan, and I can sense some pretty explosive drama in the air surrounding this one.

It’s All About Paul

I see that Paul has not made any New Year’s Resolutions to be any less of a walking bin bag in 2022. First of all, he gets invited for dinner at David’s house and asks Nicolette who invited her. She reminds him that she lives there, which is very amusing – I love that Nicolette doesn’t make any effort to hide her disdain for Paul, even for the sake of keeping one of her baby’s dads sweet. Paul then starts being a typical narcissist and making Terese’s accident all about him, at which point he gets a serve from Jane as well. I think I actually shouted, “Yes, Jane!” at the TV. Let’s have more of people taking none of Paul’s nonsense this year please, it gives me life.