This week on Neighbours just seems to be an entire festival of people acting like clueless tools, with no regard for how their behaviour affects anyone else. Boy, am I glad I don’t live on a street like this.

Hellraiser Hendrix

In the wake of Hendrix being told there’s a possibility of him having testicular cancer, he reacts in probably the least productive way by deciding not to get a further examination and instead turns back to his old ways of stealing money and acting like a weapons-grade div. I get it, cancer is very scary, especially if your diagnosis comes at such a young age, but I don’t see how doing shots with Roxy is going to help matters. On that subject, Roxy is always down for a big night out, but there is no way that a Roxy would be out on the town with a Hendrix in real life unless they were related. He’s still at school, for heaven’s sake. Well, he was, before he decided that finishing school is pointless considering he’s convinced of his imminent death.

Going out for a few drinks to let off steam wouldn’t have been so bad had he not funded it with Karl’s share of the prize money from the film festival, and on top of the theft, Hendrix drunkenly picks a fight with someone, which ends with Roxy getting pushed over. Hendrix also decides that now would be a great time to start being unpleasant towards his girlfriend, the one person he probably needs right now over and above everyone else. Good on Mackenzie for not standing for his behaviour when she asks him to tell her what’s wrong, and he refuses and just continues to act as a bit of a moron. We all know what happens when Hendrix goes off the rails and the way he’s behaving he is literally days away from racking up thousands of dollars of gambling debts or getting someone kidnapped unless someone sensible intervenes. And not Kyle. I said someone sensible.

Photo: © Channel 5. Source: Digital Spy

Karl Accuses Melanie

Karl never passes up the opportunity to act like the world’s tightest and most pompous man, and he has the brass neck to ask Melanie for a chunk of her prize money for winning the film festival prize because she used a snippet of his dreadful music. Melanie agrees, because she’s as potty as a box of frogs, and she leaves the envelope of cash at the Kennedys’ house, which is then promptly swiped by Hendrix to fund his angsty bender. Karl then decides that the most appropriate time to accuse Melanie of lying about leaving the money is while he and Susan are having lunch with Toadie and Melanie, much to Susan’s frustration. As is so often the way with Karl, he ends up being the one who looks like an idiot, when Hendrix takes a brief break from his downward spiral to confess to taking the money. Not that this is ever going to stop Karl from making a tit of himself again, especially if there are a few dollars at stake.

Nicolette Gets Straight Back Into Getting On My Nerves

Nicolette is still acting like the victim, which is really grinding my gears since she’s the one who did a runner and then sold an actual human baby to Paul. She’s just waltzed back into the street and expected everyone to bend over backward to make life easy for her. OK, I will admit that Aaron and David’s behaviour wasn’t exactly spotless this week, but still. When Nicolette invites them for morning tea to discuss her moving back in with them, it’s really poor form to not turn up or give her any sort of explanation for not being there. When she finds out that they didn’t come because they were looking after baby Abigail while Terese went to deal with some sort of poo explosion at the Waterhole, she’s annoyed. But seriously, what is she expecting? Aaron and David have spent the last few weeks looking after Abigail because they thought she was their daughter, they’ve bonded with her. Just because she’s shown up with their actual daughter doesn’t mean they can quickly and easily transfer all their affection to her instead. Human emotions don’t work like that. Her determination to make herself the victim in this situation is making me want to hurl my slippers at the TV.

Photo: © Channel 5. Source: Digital Spy

Having said all that, Nicolette was well within her rights to be annoyed when she spotted Chloe wearing the engagement ring she bought for her. It’s such a weird thing to do, especially when it’s highly likely that you’re going to keep running into your ex. I was fully supportive of her marching Chloe to the sink with a bottle of oil to get the ring off her finger when she got it stuck. I’m also not a fan at all of the trope from movies and TV shows when someone expresses a romantic interest in someone else and is rejected, then spends however long trying to wear them down or wait for them to come around, which is exactly what Chloe says she’s going to do. Respect her decision, Chloe. If she says she’s not in love with you, then you need to move on and get on with your life. If Nicolette then decides at a later date to give things another chance, then fine, but this whole, “I’ll wait as long as it takes” mindset is kind of toxic if you ask me.

Sheila Needs to Wind Her Neck In

Shelia’s obsession with her grandson’s love lives is so creepy, and I’m never going to be persuaded otherwise. She’s still clutching her pearls at the very thought of Levi being one of Amy’s two boyfriends, and she hates the idea of Amy getting an apartment of her own because she thinks it’s going to become some sort of Orgy HQ. Sheila’s first tactic to prevent her grandson from having too much sex is to gift Amy with a ton of really ugly home furnishings, which is frankly bizarre. Did an ugly net curtain or a jazzy vase ever kill the mood for anyone?

When Ned and Levi attempt to throw Amy a housewarming party and nobody comes, the three of them end up getting a bit drunk together, and Ned and Levi stay over. Sheila automatically assumes that they had a threesome, which would be none of her damn business anyway, and she is absolutely horrified. Ned and Levi think it’s funny to try to wind her up and pretend they’re into each other, but Amy fails to see the funny side of it, because people’s reactions to these situations always end up painting the men and women involved in a very different light, according to their gender. Sheila will no doubt be ecstatic that Amy decides to cool it with both Ned and Levi for a while. I get her having an interest in the wellbeing of her grandson but trying to sabotage his relationship because she’s decided that it’s not the sort of thing he’s into is so controlling. If he’s not really into it, he needs to figure that out for himself. He’s an adult, and there are some things that he just doesn’t need permission from his gran to do anymore, sex being one of them.

Photo: © Channel 5. Source: Digital Spy

Just Stop, Paul

Oh my god, this man. Terese is my absolute hero because she’s finally realised that sometimes you just have to throw the whole man away, and not only does she kick Paul out, but she packs up all his belongings and delivers them to the penthouse, leaving him sputtering in disbelief. Paul has done some really terrible things, but he always seems to get away with them because he either throws money at the situation, or he contrives some sort of grand gesture as an apology. He tries it again by arranging for Jesse to come back to Erinsborough to spend the day with Terese. Finally, though, Terese has had enough of Paul trying to work her like a puppet, and she tells him she wants an official separation. I almost applauded. It’s about time, Terese.