© Channel 5

I’ll be perfectly honest, as the end titles of Neighbours started after Friday’s episode, I found myself wondering what the heck I was going to write about this week. Does anyone else feel like not that much has happened? I don’t know if it just occupies a bigger space in my mind because I find it so annoying, but the whole week seemed to revolve around Nicolette and her frankly unhinged behaviour. I’ve chosen to dissect the few bits I could actually remember…

Nicolette. Is. The. Worst.

So, let’s get this out of the way early on. Nicolette, who is already pretty unlikeable to start with, has been sent to a whole new level by having Pierce around. She’s being possessive and jealous and arguing with him at every opportunity. Admittedly he is doing his best to irritate her every time he sees her, but she could try to be the better person and rise above it all for the sake of her relationship with Chloe because, let’s not forget, she’s the one who ended up with the girl after all. She points this fact out rather enthusiastically to Pierce, and adds a snipe about having a baby with Chloe, which is something Pierce couldn’t do. Woah. Not only is it low to taunt a man about the fact that his ex-wife miscarried his baby, but she seems to be forgetting her baby’s dads in all of this – Nicolette and Chloe are not supposed to be the primary parents of this child. Her behaviour is incredibly alarming, especially for Aaron and David.

Showing absolutely zero awareness after causing such a kerfuffle about her baby’s parentage, her next brainwave is to invite Chloe to her prenatal class along with Aaron and David, despite the fact that clearly nobody feels particularly comfortable with the idea, and it’s the worst possible time to start trying to involve Chloe in the pregnancy and birth. At the class, she carries on having absolutely no ability to read the room when she chummily forces Aaron to go and practice his massage techniques on a random single mum. What is she thinking? I don’t think there’s ever been a character so unaware of how much she gets under everyone’s skin, she drives me up the wall.

Look at that pure, unbridled enthusiasm. Photo: © Channel 5. Source: Digital Spy

Leo is Back

Leo arrives back in Erinsborough, which I feel I should be more excited about, but he is only there to buy Pierce’s vineyard. I’m not entirely sure how long he’s sticking around for, but it seems to be for long enough to do some scheming with Paul and Pierce and hatch a plot to lure Chloe away from Nicolette by offering her the chance to be in charge of the vineyard renovations. The offer is clearly a tempting one when the alternative is hanging around with your emotionally unstable girlfriend. Get yourself to that vineyard, Chloe.

Amy Makes Things Awkward

As if the atmosphere at the Flamingo Bar hasn’t been strained enough recently, Amy goes and makes it even more awkward by kissing Ned. They both decide it’s a mistake, but things are very uncomfortable between them afterward. I’m not Amy’s biggest fan, and she’s also his boss, but she and Ned make sense to me. They’re both single and kind of dumb – I’m into it.

Amy is so professional. Photo: © Channel 5. Source: Digital Spy

Levi Finds a Small Train

Dear God, I am finding it difficult to get behind this storyline. As happens whenever Levi doesn’t have anything better to do plot-wise, he is revisiting the issue of his childhood assault again, by tracking down some of the people involved. He snoops on a few of them and then is totally freaked out when he finds a small toy train on the doorstep, concluding that one of his attackers must have left it there as a warning. I’m going to call this one out for being nonsense. First of all, what attacker has such attention to detail that in the middle of breaking and entering a house to beat up a small child they notice the exact kind of toy train he has? Secondly, who is then going to scour eBay for one exactly like it, and wait for the free economy delivery to do its thing so they can go and pop it on his doorstep? Seems like a lot of effort to go to, especially when they turn up in the park to threaten him directly a few days later. They need to get a hobby.

Buy it. Sell it. Love it. Photo: © Channel 5. Source: Digital Spy

Sad Harlow is Sad

Harlow has been wafting around like the tragic main character of some boring period romance all week. She refuses to hang out with her friends and is even disappointed when she has an impromptu day off and has to get out of her work uniform. Wouldn’t you be pleased to get out of that thing? It is so wildly obnoxious. After receiving a letter from Brent, Harlow has come to the conclusion that she was a “starter girlfriend” for both him and Hendrix. I don’t know, Harlow, maybe you should take a bit of responsibility for the fact that you have horrible taste in men? Maybe if you tried dating a fully formed human instead of a fixer-upper, you might have a bit more luck. Why not try Levi? He clearly needs something to occupy his time at the moment. At this point, I’d be relieved if there’s something – anything – that can stop Harlow from slithering all over the place like a sad slug…