© Channel 5

It’s that time again, and by that I mean it’s time for me to be snarky about all the goings-on in Erinsborough from last week. And there was quite a lot going on, although the early part of the week seemed mostly to revolve around Emmett and Brent, who I am so bored of now. When are they leaving?

Vera Attacked By Easter Bunny

By a country mile, my favourite quote of last week was when Terese said, “We need to learn from our mistakes,” when referring to the fact that a seasonal installation at Lassiter’s had just injured the exact same woman for a second time. I think I laughed out loud at that one. Last time it was when Leo hurled the huge Valentine’s Day heart across the complex and this time Vera somehow got felled by a few Easter eggs and is now due to a big payout as compensation. Vera was terrific value, as she then ended up in the hospital, kicking up a fuss about being treated by Karl, just in case he pushed her down the stairs like she heard he did with Olivia. And in a three-for-the-price-of-one storyline bonanza, we also discover that Vera is Curtis’ aunt and that he quite regularly turns off his cochlear implant so he can’t hear her nagging him, then just smiles and nods occasionally to make her think he’s listening. I cannot blame you, Curtis. Vera seems like she’s quite a challenge. She gives off Mrs. Mangel vibes, only meaner.

Karl Discovers Podcasts

Karl is partying like it’s 2014 and getting heavily into podcasts after Bea announces that she’s going to start her own podcast to set the record straight about what happened with Finn. Karl isn’t keen on the idea at first, but after he gets asked to take some leave from the hospital until the whole Olivia mess calms down, he jumps aboard the project with gusto and manages to persuade Bea to let him collaborate with her on it. In true Karl style though, he’s a bit too intense about the whole thing, thinking that he could be co-host because his “standing in the community” will be a pull to get people to listen. I’m not sure whether he thinks it’s his position as a barely competent doctor or as a cringe-inducing singer that’s going to please the punters, but even 1000 repetitions of “I need unique New York” isn’t going to help turn The Karl Show into a hit podcast.

Please Don’t Let Hendrix and Mackenzie be a Thing

Don’t get me wrong, I don’t like sad, single Hendrix and he’s way more fun when he’s being all happy and cheeky, but I am not on board with him and Mackenzie at all. Why is this happening? She had so much chemistry with Richie but there is literally zero between her and Hendrix. They’re really cool as friends, I just cannot buy them as a couple. I know Hendrix and Harlow had the whole bad boy/super nerd dynamic, but to do it again with Hendrix and Mackenzie is just tired. Can’t he have a fun girlfriend for once? Why does he always have to end up with someone who is like a pseudo-mum?

No thank you. Photo: © Channel 5. Source: Digital Spy

Paul Really is Just Called Bags Now

It turns out that Paul has been obsessing over the businesses on Power Road and the state of The Hive because he’s in financial trouble. It seems that forcing Pierce to sell the hotel back to Paul by threatening to reveal all about his affair with Dipi has backfired on Paul slightly, because even though he got the hotel back at a fraction of what it was worth he’s still overextended himself. This probably explains why he’s been so grouchy lately. He’s been acting like a man who only has a fork in a world of soup (to paraphrase Noel Gallagher) because nothing defines Paul Robinson quite like his business success does. He immediately goes dodgy in order to speed up the sale of The Hive and try to inflate the price, by making fake bookings and even massaging the figures for his potential buyer. Things are looking a bit precarious for Paul, so it’s even more apt when Sheila just calls him Bags instead of Moneybags because his bags certainly sound like they’re a bit empty at the moment.

One Sheila Wasn’t Enough

As if one Sheila Canning wasn’t enough, we meet another one, as Paul’s potential buyer for The Hive is also called Sheila Canning. I’m presuming she doesn’t also share the nickname Mama Jugs with the original Sheila. The new Sheila is also the real intended recipient of all the pricey things that the original Sheila has been receiving and gifting to people left, right, and center. It was never adequately explained how the parcels had managed to get to a Sheila Canning at an entirely different address to the one who ordered them, but let’s just forget that and go with it, because it was amusing to watch Sheila and Roxy scuttle around Erinsborough trying to recall all the things she’d given away as gifts. I also enjoyed original Sheila getting busted by new Sheila wearing sparkly shoes that were way too big for her, like a child raiding their mum’s wardrobe without asking.

Jane Turns Into a Karen

Jane wound me up a treat this week because she got all up in arms about Curtis doing his job and running Year 13 while she was off. She gets back from her trip, full of great ideas apparently (although we haven’t seen any of them yet), and immediately kicks up a stink about the project that Curtis has started with Hendrix and Brent. She shuts it down, and when Hendrix goes to Susan about getting it reinstated, Jane turns into a total Karen and starts complaining about it at every given opportunity, to the point where Susan isn’t even hiding her eye rolls anymore. She is such a pain in the backside over it, and what are her ideas? A mood board and an oil diffuser? Yeah, because the fact that you breathed in lavender fumes all day will be far more likely to help you get a job than a practical design and production project. Get over yourself, Jane!

Karen and Curtis. Photo: © Channel 5. Source: Digital Spy