Photo: © Channel 5. Source: Digital Spy

If you noticed that I haven’t been around – apologies for my absence for the past few weeks. But just like Shaun, I am back, although I am hoping to stick around a little bit longer than he did. Here are a few things that I observed about the recent episodes of Neighbours.

The Return of Naomi

I love Naomi and I am so glad she’s back. I hope she stays for a while because she’s so fun and a real breath of fresh air. I literally don’t have anything bad to say about her, please stay forever Aunty Nomes.

Keeping Abreast of Ned’s New Career

Ned has jacked in his rather vaguely defined hotel job to be an artist, and the first commission he gets is to make plaster casts of half of the boobs of Erinsborough. I am not sure there has ever been so much boob talk on Neighbours before, but I appreciated the vast array of puns and euphemisms we were treated to.

Getting back to Ned, I am wholeheartedly in favour of anyone trying to live their best life rather than being stuck in a job they hate. Having said that though, bless Ned, but those boob casts all looked a little bit GCSE art project to me. I had a much grander picture in my head of what his “art installation” was going to look like. He’s certainly no Helen Daniels, is he?

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Ned’s “art installation”. Photo: © Channel 5. Source: Digital Spy

Shaun – Blink and You’ll Miss Him

In the least surprising plot twist in the history of Neighbours, Shaun the Yawn has returned from the dead. He was apparently trapped in a cabin for months but was still able to hop on a long-haul flight a couple of days after being rescued, looking perfectly normal and not at all worse for wear. Nobody seemed all that shocked to see him, which was a bit odd, they all accepted it pretty quickly. I worked in a pub once and the first week I was there we had a collection for a regular who’d died. The following week, he walked in, very much alive and wanting a pint of Guinness and, let me tell you, I almost had to catch the girl I was working with because the shock of seeing a “dead” customer come in was almost enough to make her faint. But everyone’s reactions to Shaun returning were comically low-key – they may as well have just nodded and gone, “Alright, Shaun.”

Anyway, he’s gone again, and I don’t care. Coming back from the dead can’t even make than man interesting.

Chloe Finds Herself in Another Love Triangle

Naomi and Pierce have some history, and Naomi is carrying a torch for him, which everyone now knows about. Add to that the fact that Chloe and Naomi have some definite chemistry, and it’s left Pierce not knowing what to do with himself. I am fully on Chloe’s side in all of this though, she’s been very cool about Naomi and Pierce working together, despite Naomi’s feelings, and just because Chloe is bisexual does not mean that she wants to hop into bed with every woman she meets. Believe it or not, Pierce, it is possible to be just friends with someone who happens to be the gender you have a preference for. And I have another bone to pick with Pierce too. He might not have known that Naomi had feelings for him when he took his shirt off in a meeting and asked her to rub him down with Deep Heat, but that is still absolutely outrageous behaviour. In what world is it OK to get your shirt off in a business meeting, unless you’re a lifeguard? Someone needs to brush up on their sexual harassment training.

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Not OK, Pierce. Photo: © Channel 5. Source: Digital Spy

Why Hasn’t Anyone Put Paul in the Bin Yet?

Sometimes you just have to throw the whole man away, so I am absolutely baffled as to why Paul hasn’t been sent straight to a landfill site already. The way he is meddling with Chloe and Pierce’s love life is childish and ridiculous and he needs to go and get in the wheelie bin and think about his life choices.

And that’s it for this week. It’s really good to be back, I’ve missed blathering on about Neighbours to people who actually know what I’m talking about, and my family are pretty over it too….