Photo: © Channel 5. Source: Digital Spy

There are a lot of people on Ramsay Street who would benefit from having a good long look at themselves in the mirror after their behaviour last week.

The Shane/Roxy Disaster

I knew the writers were going to take this in an unpleasant direction, and sure enough, here we are. Contrary to what TV writers seem to think, men and women can be friends without one of them catching feelings, but they don’t seem to think that there’s any fun in that. So, instead of the pretty wholesome father figure dynamic we had with Roxy and Shane, now we have a big old mess. Roxy made the dumb decision to kiss Shane, and Shane made the even dumber decision not to tell Dipi about it. It’s all going to blow up very unpleasantly, and I really dislike the fact that they’re about to prove Dipi right for being jealous.

Thanks, Neighbours writers, I hate it.

neighbours roxy shane

Roxy and Shane: no thank you. Photo: © Channel 5. Source: Digital Spy

Yet Another Dodgy Bloke Has A Beef With Ned

Yet another dodgy looking bloke with stubble and a signature jacket has turned up to follow Ned around and make threats about something to do with the fight club he was part of. Can’t Ned just be nice for a bit? Can’t he just move suitcases around (or whatever it is that he does at the hotel), wear a lot of tank tops and scribble in his little tattoo notebook for a couple of weeks, without a criminal coming to settle some sort of score with him?

Whose Embryo Is It Anyway?

After Hendrix’s extrememly dodgy behaviour, Chloe summoned his mum to come and sort him out, but all she did when she got there was cause a massive upset and then propose having another kid. I mean, Hendrix turned out so well, why wouldn’t you want to recreate that?

First of all, Lisa spilled the beans to Hendrix that she paid Pierce to do a disappearing act and be an absent father, and Hendrix was understandably devastated. I didn’t want it to happen, but he’s really growing on me. It’s like Roxy all over again.

Next, came Lisa’s big bombshell – that she wants to attempt to get pregnant using one of the embryos left over from when she paid Pierce to have a second child with her. This woman really likes throwing money at things, if there are any minor chores she’d like me to do for her, I’ll take a couple of hundred quid if it’s going spare.

Pierce and Chloe were horrified, but then Chloe started to come around to the idea. I predict that this scheme will all work out perfectly and won’t be an awful disaster in the slightest…

I mean, when the best case scenario is ending up with another Hendrix, you really have to question the wisdom of what you’re doing.

neighbours chloe pierce hendrix lisa

Why wouldn’t you want another go at parenting after creating Hendrix? Photo: © Channel 5. Source: Digital Spy

Nobody Will Play With Gary

I don’t know what’s going on with Gary, but there was one day where he just mooched around Erinsborough looking for someone to hang out with. He tried to go fishing with Shane, he tried hanging out with Sheila who is his mum and also his housemate, and at one point he even went round to see if Harlow could come out to play with him. Hasn’t he got pigeons to attend to? And a business to run? It’s not like the man should have so much free time that he’s just doing a sad stroll around the neighbourhood.

Anyway, that’s me done, so I’m off to randomly visit six of my neighbours to see if any of them want to hang out with me…