Photo courtesy of Channel 5.

“That’s when good Neighbours become good friends…” or, in many cases, a lot more than just good friends.

Now, I know that Neighbours isn’t real life and I also know that there are only a certain number of cast members and therefore, in a soap opera that’s about relationships, there is going to be a bit of partner-swapping going on. But having said that, I do think someone needs to go to Ramsay Street to stage some sort of intervention at this point, because things are getting kind of ridiculous. A genealogist would probably run out of different coloured pens, not to mention patience, if they tried to make a Ramsay Street family tree.

Tyler Brennan was an early example of the current family tree confusion, as he worked his way through Paige, her half-sister Imogen and then her other half-sister Piper. The Willis girls’ half-brother Ned was involved with Elly for a while, who is now Tyler’s sister-in-law, while Ned has moved on with Elly’s sister Bea. Elly also cheated on Mark with her sister-in-law Chloe. That’s all simple enough, right?


L-R Chloe, Elly, Piper and Bea. PHOTO: Official Neighbours Instagram (@Neighbours)

Another of Elly’s brothers-in-law is David Tanaka. David is Paul Robinson’s son, and David’s brother-in-law Mark was once engaged to Kate Ramsay, who was Paul’s niece. Does that make David some sort of cousin to his brother-in-law’s late fiancée? I’m not sure exactly. I think I have a headache coming on.

That brings us to Amy, who is also one of Paul’s many, many unexpected children, and whose love life is like something off The Jeremy Kyle Show (or the Australian equivalent). She’s currently dating Gary, who happens to be her ex-boyfriend’s dad, but she did have a brief fling with Leo, which stopped when they found out they were half-siblings. I mean… I don’t even have the words for how uncomfortable that all makes me feel. It’s very Game of Thrones.

Talking of uncomfortable, let’s tackle Leo’s other romantic dalliances, shall we? He hooked up with Elly for a while, who is now his brother’s sister-in-law. Leo’s dad Paul was with Terese, then Leo took over and dated Terese himself, before Terese went back to Paul, and Leo thought the best thing to do in a situation as confusing as that would be to start dating Terese’s daughter instead. So he is simultaneously dating his ex-girlfriend’s daughter and the daughter of his dad’s girlfriend – because they’re the same person. I definitely have a headache.

neighbours terese leo

Leo proposing to his dad’s girlfriend. Or his girlfriend’s mum. Whatever. PHOTO: © Channel 5. SOURCE: Digital Spy

It’s surely only a matter of time before Paul opens a drawer in the penthouse and discovers another child he’d forgotten about, but as much fun as it is for long-lost relatives to keep turning up on Ramsay Street, the trouble with that trope is that we end up with these huge dynasties. The scriptwriters must have to sit down and have a really long, hard think about how everyone is related before they start writing romantic storylines for them. I imagine that the Ramsay Street family trees must look like one of those murder boards with the red strings that you get in crime shows.

Maybe it’s time for some new characters who aren’t related to anyone?