Let’s face it, 74 characters in Smash Ultimate is not NEARLY enough to satisfy our gamer needs. We need characters from every facet of the world, so let’s go big with our wants and needs that I know that every gamer wants to play as.
*Note* THIS IS PURELY A COMEDIC ARTICLE, NOTHING I SAY SHOULD ACTUALLY BE IN SMASH BROS.
Everyone’s favorite snub should definitely be included in the first DLC released by Nintendo. He has been a fan favorite ever since Wario was introduced in Brawl, and he has plenty of reasons to be put in the game as a playable character rather than an assist trophy. The first reason is that he is a staple of the series, and totally plays a big part in every Super Mario game. The only other reason that he should be in Smash is the mustache that he sports. It’s a thing of beauty.
9. Rocket League Car
Rocket League has become a very popular game in recent years so it would be obvious to put something in from the game. This also opens up assist trophy possibilities like the ball or other cars. Its final smash could be racing around the edge of the screen and shoot out balls onto the stage.
8. Freddy Fazbear
Your annoying 10-year-old nephew who thinks he is edgy would go bananas if Freddy Fazbear was included in Smash. The pizzeria could be a stage and Scott Cawthon should replace Sakurai as the director of the game. Freddy’s final smash would be a poorly timed jump scare and the more damage he takes, he becomes more of a robot skeleton.
7. Jojo Siwa
In 2017, I had the honor to be plowed over by tons of girl tweeners who wanted to get a photo with Jojo Siwa at Vidcon 2017. Ever since then I knew that this “celebrity” should be in Smash. If you wanted your 10-year-old nephew to play, why not let his sister play too. Her side special could be her throwing her ponytail at someone like Link’s boomerang.
6. Ryan Seacrest
Seacrest would be the smallest character on the screen, and he would also wield a microphone on a cord much like Simon’s whip. The possibilities could also be endless. He could throw out golden American Idol tickets like Dr. Mario, or have a final smash like the inkling girls assist trophy.
5. A frog
Alex Jones should be incorporated into the frogs move set somehow.
4. Flo from Progressive
Flo has been a staple of hundreds of video games and it’s honestly a surprise that she hasn’t been included yet. Her price gun is a weapon of chaos and can absolutely obliterate any other insurance company, so its a no-brainer.
3. Dex Dogtective
Everyone’s favorite food icon needs to come back ever since he was rumored for Smash 4. Charlie Sheen could reprise his role and do all sorts of new one-liners that will be sure to get new gamers clamoring for the newest edition of this beloved franchise. His taunts could include him throwing a raisin in the air and catching it with his mouth.
2. A roll of Flex Tape
The internet’s favorite infomercial should absolutely be in a DLC patch as a playable character. It is the epitome of gaming characters and its honestly a surprise that it’s not in the game already. It does the most damage underwater.
- The dumpster juice outside a Papa Johns in Little Rock, Arkansas
There is no greater threat to video game characters than my number one pick, so this vile greasy remnant of your least favorite pizza place has got to be in Smash Bros. Papa John could be in the background like the Pokemon Trainer, and it can mold into any character it wants given the situation that it’s in. It could turn into an atomic bomb and wipe all players off the map if that’s what it wants to be.