This is episode skips months ahead, and the writers love to leave viewers out of the loop. We see Gail in a suit, greeting Erica about today being the big day. Erica calls Gail her rock, and Gail calls Erica her roll before kissing her.
Tandy walks around calling Jasper, and Jasper calls out “I’m in here!” Tandy gasps and is filled with excitement. Jasper doesn’t get what the big deal is, which, of course, is that he talked for the first time… Ope, wait. Nope. Tandy is excited that Jasper painted his go-cart pink for breast cancer awareness. Since we jumped forward in time, we skipped right over how things unfolded with Jasper’s muteness.
Carol takes off Tandy’s fake eyebrows, which have still barely grown back in. She decides that maybe they should let his eyebrows breathe. The couple stands up, and we see Carol’s baby bump which has grown in very well.
Todd is singing at the end of the aisle while Gail plays her accordion. Erica walks down the aisle in a wedding dress. Once she’s at the front, Carol walks down the aisle in a wedding dress, too. Thirdly (and lastly), Melissa walks down the aisle in a wedding dress. Melissa is marrying Todd, and her bridesmaids decided to all wear wedding dresses (likely because, as far as they know, there are no other men on earth, so they will never have their own wedding). Tandy remarks “we all knew who was getting married, so that was not confusing at all,” clearly because the audience had no idea what had developed in the missing months. Todd is wearing a white suit because he “reclaimed his virginity.” (Todd must not have seen that episode of Adam Ruins Everything, where Adam tells us that white wedding dresses originally had nothing to do with a woman’s virtue, but was a symbol of status. “I’m so rich and fancy, I can buy a new white dress, even though everyone knows white dresses are impractical to own.” (Disclaimer: this is not a quote that was actually said by anyone ever.)) Jasper, acting as ring bearer, reluctantly recites the words Tandy told him to: “Here are two rings around the rosie. Boom” and hands over the rings that are around a rose. Tandy, officiating the ceremony, says that the rings are round, like the woman’s cervix. Classic Tandy, making everything about himself, uses this segue as a way to not-so-humbly humblebrag about being the person who is going to deliver his baby from Carol’s womb. Melissa declares the ceremony over, says “I do,” kisses Todd, and the couple rush back up the aisle. Tandy releases a tub of crickets in place of doves, since all doves have died.
Gail confronts Carol about what Tandy said in his speech. Carol had already decided that she wants Gail to deliver her baby, but she doesn’t want to disappoint her husband. Tandy had written a rap as a way to study for this. “Inactive labor, what you gonna do? I’m gonna put on my running shoes.” Gail doesn’t understand why that’s what Tandy’s plan is, and she says that her plan is to monitor the fetal heartbeat, time Carol’s contractions, and measure her dilation. She asks Carol if she still wants her to deliver the baby. Carol finds Tandy, but Tandy is getting ready to give a speech, so he asks if this can wait. His speech is toasting Todd and Melissa, but again he finds a way to steer it to be about himself. He says that his parents never expected much from him, but now he’s an OBGIN (his spelling mistake, not mine.) and delivering his own baby. Todd puts his glass up and toasts ‘To Tandy!’ Tandy turns his attention back to his wife, asking what she had wanted to tell him. Instead of the truth, she uses the classic Carol excuse –that she has diarrhea. Melissa asks Todd if they can leave the reception because she wants to take advantage of their honeymoon, but Todd says they’ve waited this long already, and he doesn’t want his first time to be in a closet.
Gail tells her daughter that she needs to tell Tandy that he isn’t delivering the baby. She suggests that Carol blame it all on her (“Tell him I forbid it and that I’m being a massive B about it.”), if she’s uncomfortable saying that it was her decision. Carol says that the news should come from her. Once they’re back in their own house, Carol tells Tandy “Gail forbids you from delivering our baby and she’s being a massive B about it.” Tandy’s upset because he feels ready to do this, and Carol lies and says that she had tried to persuade Gail to change her mind, but she won’t budge.
Tandy confronts Gail is a dramatic way by presenting her with a knife and turning around so she can stab him in the back. She tells him that he isn’t good at most things. He says to name one thing he isn’t good at, and Gail names five: math, jokes, basic hygiene, ideas, knowing what others think about you. “You named five. Fail.” “Name’s Gail. You can have your F back.” “Sometimes I get my Fs and Gs mixed up, so why don’t you fo guck yourselg.” I know the actor would have practiced saying that, but on Tandy’s part, that was smooth. Tandy has spent the past six months preparing for the delivery, and swears he’ll prove it he’s capable. As he backs out of the room, we see a bunch of tomatoes (and possibly other fruits and vegetables) that the group started growing since we last saw them.
As Melissa and Todd lie in bed before consummating their marriage, Todd reflects on how happy he is that Melissa is going to be his second first time. This launches him into the story about his first first time. I doubt your wife wants to spend her honeymoon listening to the story of how you lost your virginity, Todd. Tandy interrupts them, saying this is an emergency. Once everyone is gathered and Melissa realizes that this definitely isn’t an emergency, she leaves and Todd follows. Tandy has prepared a series of demonstrations to prove he is qualified. First up is hygiene. As quickly as possible, Tandy puts gloves on his hands. It takes him fifteen seconds, and it looks like this:
Next up, catching the baby. Tandy reveals a baseball pitching machine, but instead of baseballs, it’s going to be pitching baby dolls. He catches four in a row. Gail says that that doesn’t proof anything, since you need actual skills to deliver a baby.
The third demonstration is a baby doll baked into a block of jello. His plan is to remove the baby without causing any damage to the metaphorical womb. The result, however, is a completely damaged metaphorical womb, as the jello completely falls apart. On top of that, he drops the very slippery newborn onto the floor. (This very much reminded me of The Office when Michael is practicing for when Jan gives birth by using a watermelon, and Dwight covers the watermelon in butter because newborns are slippery.) Gail declares these demonstrations over. Tandy counters that this is Carol’s decision to make, and with the evidence seen here, Carol is ready to openly reject her husband, opting for Gail.
Later, Carol finds Tandy in a pit of foam cubes. Tandy admits that this wasn’t just about making his dead parents proud. When Phil died, Tandy wasn’t one of the ‘doctors’ and he felt so helpless. He can’t imagine how worried he’ll be when he’s able to help Carol through labor. She tells her husband that he has the most important job of all — holding her hand.
Tandy finds Gail to concede. He says he wouldn’t want anyone else besides her to deliver the baby. She says she’s going to need a co-pilot, meaning Todd, but that Todd is going to need a flight attendant, meaning Tandy. Once they agree on this, Erica walks in and informs them that they have a situation — her water broke.
Only two episodes left, and they both air tonight! Catch The Last Man on Earth season three finale at 9/8c on Fox!