Riverdale Chapter Four: The Last Picture Show

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Source: Riverdale/CW

Stop right there! If you’re not caught up yet, check out last episode’s recap here.

A week after the discovery of Jason Blossom’s body, things are familiar but different this week in Riverdale, as Jughead Jones’s signature narration kicks us off – but this time as almost more of a personal diary entry than his usual clever writing voice. As he tells us, Jason wasn’t the first, ”nor would it be the last casualty that the town of Riverdale would suffer… the Twilight Drive-In, where I work, my home-away-from-home, a piece of a town history, is closing for good just when we needed a place to escape to the most,” reminding us that Sheriff Keller has been knocking on the door of every potential suspect (AKA l’everyone) and that Betty Cooper has been wrestling with her newfound knowledge that Ms. Grundy was at the river’s edge the day of Jason’s disappearance – at the exact same time, day and place as her best friend, Archie Andrews. Betty picks up the narration duties by scribing in her own diary, writing that she’s concerned because Sheriff Keller doesn’t know what she knows about Ms. Grundy’s potential involvement and witnesshood in all this. Seemingly validating her fears, we cut away to Archie at one of Geraldine Grundy’s MALICIOUS  outdoor string quartet cello concertos with his dad, Fred, who is so ‘moved’ by the performance that he afterward insists she join him and his son for dinner, despite Archie trying to pull away. Dad making moves on his boy’s game. Awkward.

Later, at Pop Tate’s Chock’lit Shoppe, Jughead rants and raves to his friends Betty, Veronica Lodge and Kevin Keller about the closing theatre and the dying town that is Riverdale. Ronnie and Kevin protest that only people without Netflix and/or who want to buy crack go to drive-ins, but cinephile Jughead argues that it’s a staple of American culture and asks a very distracted Betty (using her common Archie Comics nickname Bets!) to side with him. Zooming past her aloof half-acknowledgement down his rant highway, Jughead rails against the anonymous buyer who bought the lot, which Veronica thinks is ridiculous – what have they got to hide? Jug invites them all to closing night (the last picture show! Episode title, take a shot!) and they go around hypothetically picking which movies they would like played. It gets to Betty’s turn, and she’s on Mars until Veronica drags her down asking if she’s okay. She lies, and says she was just thinking about her answer, before Veronica’s waitress mom Hermione brings them their food. Meanwhile, a few tables over, Cheryl Blossom and her evil henchwomen Ginger Lopez and Tina Patel mock Hermione from afar for working there, and Cheryl muses that she wouldn’t have given Veronica a spot on the River Vixens cheer squad if she had known. To Cheryl’s annoyance, Ginger reminds her that the Vixens all really like Veronica since her TMZ-style takedown of womanizing misogynist Chuck Clayton last episode. As Hermione comes to collect the tab, the Queen C reminds her to make sure she puts all the cash in the register – ‘she is a Lodge, after all, and Lodges are known to have sticky fingers.’ Veronica overhears and steps in to defend her mother, but Hermione hits back with a great comeback: “Cheryl, I went to school with your mother…”

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Source: Riverdale/CW

Zing! After Veronica smugly reseats herself, Archie walks into Pop’s with his dad and ‘music teacher’ (coughlovercough). Betty, who is now supremely uncomfortable since she’s had this on her mind all night, gets up to confront Archie about what she knows, despite Jughead’s insistence otherwise. Leading Archie outside to talk privately, Betty asks if there’s anything Archie wants to tell her, but is either confused and oblivious or lying. (My money’s honestly on the former. Archie doesn’t always think with his brain.) Prompting further, Betty cuts to the chase and tells him that she knows Ms. Grundy was at Sweetwater River on July 4th and asks if he was with her. Floundering, Archie asks if she found out from Jughead, which only upsets her further as she didn’t know that he knew about this prior to Dilton Doiley’s spillage of the beans. Ronnie, with a bad case of FOMO and a sprinkle of worrying and/or paranoia the talk is about her, decides to follow outside to assist in any way she can – just as Betty gets Archie to admit that his forbidden relationship is not strictly platonic.

Overhearing, Veronica joins Betty in blasting Archie (see: ‘trying to talk some sense into’) over sleeping with his booty tutor, and for lying to them and law enforcement about the exact details of his involvement with the crime scene. Archie obliviously protests that he lied to protect Ms. Grundy because she believed in him when no one else did, and this shuts a stunned and hurt Betty (president and treasurer of his fan club) right down. Good timing, though, as at that moment Betty’s psychopath mother Beelzebub – err… Alice* – pulls up in her sedan, blowing up on her daughter for consorting with such delinquents. Betty doesn’t want to hear it as she’s ready to leave posthaste, and she gets in the car as her and her mother speed off. Archie, preparing to head back inside for an extremely awkward situation now made about four hundred times awkwarder, is softly chided by Veronica that he’s ‘really in it deep this time, Archiekins.’

At home, Betty absentmindedly writes in her diary before her journalist gears begin to turn and she breaks out her laptop to google ‘Geraldine Grundy’ (on a Google knockoff site named Sleuthster.) Meanwhile, Cheryl and her goonettes are chilling in her convertible when they spot Mrs. Lodge behind Pop Tate’s having a ‘clandestine tête-à-tête’ with a shifty fella, played by Scream alumni Skeet Ulrich, whom they immediately identify as a member of the Southside Serpents. Yes, Archie fans, not only is there is a criminal gang in the Archieverse, it has the same cheesy sports team name as the rapscallion group of snotty second-graders from the rival school – Southside Elementary – in the Little Archie comics. The patron saint of blackmail, Cheryl snaps a cell phone pic of the shady duo for future torment. After the title card, later at school, while handing out and hanging up flyers for the final drive-in show, Jug explains to Archie that he didn’t give him a heads-up of Betty’s knowledge of the situation because he didn’t want to get involved and appear to be choosing sides; he instead chose the path of apathy. Archie mentions his concerns of Betty reporting what she knows in the Blue & Gold school paper, which seems to offend Jughead a bit as Arch should know Betty well enough to know she’d never intentionally hurt him… probably. Archie agrees, but just asks for the basic common courtesy that if Betty plans to do anything stupid involving him and Grundy, to let him know in advance so he can prevent it.

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Source: Riverdale/CW

Oh, Betty. Cut to ‘anything stupid’, as Betty ‘interviews’ Ms. Grundy for a ‘teacher spotlight column’ she’s writing. Probing into her life, things seems a little… amiss. We learn that before she moved to Riverdale last year, she ‘mainly lived on the road,’ before catching herself and slipping in that of course she taught at other schools, though. However, she hesitates before listing any of the school’s names and admits they were just temp jobs filling in for maternity and sabbaticals. Moving on to Archie, Ms. Grundy sputters that she has done this type of individual ‘independent study’ before, listing off the names of students that Betty couldn’t possibly verify – like Japanese Archie Comics exchange student Tomoko Yoshida… and Jason Blossom. Betty, chasing her instincts, tries to lead Grundy into admitting Jason was an attractive guy, but she ends the interview and shuts it down by saying she totally doesn’t think of her students that way, you perv. Meanwhile, in the student lounge, Veronica formally asks Kevin to accompany her to the drive-in, but can’t promise him any action. (Get it? It’s funny cause he’s gay. Ohoho.) Resident hag Cheryl interrupts to mock Veronica for what she saw at Pop’s last night, using this as an example of her place in the social hierarchy and even showing her the picture as evidence (but not before Veronica gets some good digs in about Cheryl being a stock ‘90s teen drama character and feeling socially threatened by Veronica’s presence.) As Cheryl gleefully skips off in the face of Veronica’s disbelief, Kevin explains that the Serpents are a gang of drug dealers and petty thieves from the south side of town – a group of very bad dudes.

Later, Veronica confronts her exhausted mother at home, but Hermione tells her that she has nothing to worry about. She reminds her daughter that she grew up in Riverdale, and though the Southside Serpents may be from the wrong side of the tracks, she went to school with many of them. She further explains that they weren’t arguing, like Cheryl had suggested, he had just made a lewd comment and she put him in his place and of course she’d tell Ronnie if she was in some kind of trouble – she’d never lie to her mija. Elsewhere, Jughead is at the town hall for the first stop of his campaign trail to lobby for the preservation of the Twilight. Mayor Sierra McCoy defends her decision to sell the land, as the theatre has devolved to be solely a cesspool and hangout spot for transients and thugs, and, town history or not, it isn’t bringing in any more money. The deal is done, and Andrews Construction is set to demolish the lot on Monday. Jughead won’t settle for this answer, however, and tells the mayor of his fond memories of sneaking into the theatre in the trunk of his parents’ car with his little sister Jellybean (Jellybean is in this!? YEEEESSSS!) as they couldn’t afford tickets for everyone, adding that the drive-in is like his home. While she appreciates the sweet sentiment, Mayor McCoy won’t budge either – the future of Riverdale is at stake, and she wants to rid the town of crime wherever she can.

Meanwhile, B and V are having a little sit-down with A at the Chock’lit Shoppe to fill him in on what they’ve come up with on Grundy during their research. Betty explains that she appeared out of thin air; all of Ms. Grundy’s social media accounts and public records go back one year – exactly when she moved to town. All the records, she adds, but one belonging to a Geraldine Grundy who died seven years ago, showing Archie her obituary. If you’re an Archie Comics fan, this is both an exciting reference and a bitter revelation, as the G. G. in the obit is very clearly the Ms. Grundy from the comics, even down to the iconic polkadot frilled blouse. R.I.P., Geraldine, we hardly knew ye. Veronica jokes that they found this all on the dark internet Tor deep web, before adding that they just Googled (or technically Sleuthstered) it. Archie doesn’t want to hear it, and instead coldly brings up that Betty’s cyberstalking and lying about articles has been getting a bit much, and if she is really his friend she will discontinue digging. Betty points out that Archie doesn’t really know anything about her, but reluctantly agrees to stop Nancy Drew-ing.

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Source: CW Riverdale

Later, Archie and Geraldine share a date in her basement, with a makeshift projector playing old Chaplin movies to simulate the closest thing two statutory lovers can get to a drive-in picture show. Arch is a bit preoccupied with Betty’s previous comments, though, and, realizing he doesn’t know anything about her, asks about her past. Miss Grundy goes into a presumably fake life story (‘cuz let’s be real here, she’s always seemed a bit off-balance, but does anyone trust anything this cougar says anymore?) about how she never wanted to be a teacher, but after she graduated Juilliard she couldn’t get any work in orchestras so she settled for something that pays. Archie, proving he’s part of the problem by quickly turning things back to himself, asks if he’s just another dream doomed to fail. Ms. Grundy admits that she doesn’t know where this relationship is destined to end up, but that she’s living in the moment and glad they’re together now (while he’s still young and hot and abs-y) and the two make out. Meanwhile, Betty does a great job of letting things go by taking Veronica along to help jimmy the lock on Ms. Grundy’s old VW Beetle, which she learned from fixing cars with her mechanic dad Hal. Once inside, Veronica stops the illegal warrantless search to ask the question: is Betty doing this because she has feelings for Archie? She denies this, saying she wants to find dirt on Grundy to break her sexual spell on Archie. The pair rustle around looking for clues until – bingo! – they find a lockbox. Using a bobby pin to break in, Miss Gyver finds a huge clue… an outdated Minnesota driver’s license. Can you believe it? Her weight is listed as 105 pounds! That’s not the real shocker, though – the card was issued to one Jennifer Gibson. What!? And that’s not the only thing… Betty finds another fun surprise in the box, too.

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Source: CW Riverdale

Walking home, Archie is delighted to see his two best gal pals waiting for him outside. Betty, admitting they broke into sketch queen Grundy’s car (and giving him T-minus no time to swallow that pill) immediately tells him what they found. This time, Arch is actually a bit rattled, but when Betty and Veronica start making a fairly solid case that she may have had something to do with Jason’s murder, that’s when he bristles. (Seriously, though. Sexual predator identity thief, sleeping with kids and killing them so they don’t go public? That sounds decently logical, if not nothing like the Riverdale I grew up with.) Betty pushes Archie to ask why he didn’t try and pry into her life and her past, but, since he’s likely afraid of what answers he would find, he just sighs and walks away. The next morning, Jug makes stop #2 on his trail, this time confronting Fred Andrews on his winning bid to tear down the Twilight Drive-In. Fred apologizes for the job, admitting that he loves the drive-in too, but there’s nothing he can do. Jughead asks to delay for one week so he can track down the anonymous buyer, but this is a huge contract for Mr. Andrews and his guys and whatever is going up in the theatre’s stead could mean more jobs for the town. Bitterly, Jug spits that he put one Jones out of work, so why not another? Fred defends himself, arguing that he had fired Jughead’s father (presumably Forsythe Pendleton Jones II, since Jughead is III?) for stealing materials from the job site, but Jug refuses to listen and sulks out. Elsewhere, Hermione Lodge goes to the mayor’s office and hands over the huge duffel of illegal embezzlement cash she received from her jailbird husband Hiram as a donation for Mayor McCoy’s re-election campaign. All is not politically innocent, however, as both parties agree not to let the notoriously malevolent Blossom family catch wind of this, and the mayor confirms the trade-off: campaign donations for the Twilight. The anonymous buyer is Lodge Industries! Who’s ridiculous for keeping it secret now, Veronica? Aaaand there goes all my respect for Hermione, ya shady hoe.

At Castle Grundy (AKA ugly retro-decor shack of a house) things are running less smoothly, as a cold and distant Archie eventually asks about a lady named Jennifer Gibson. Bringing up every sketchy or unexplainable thing she has done, Archie demands the truth. Jenniferaldine stammers to explain herself, admitting she changed her name and moved to escape a bad marriage with a physically abusive alcoholic husband. As she’s sorta a pathological liar, forgive me for not accepting this story as fact, terrible as it may be. Buying her sob story, Archie forgives her with an embrace. Elsewhere, Kevin returns home and, jokingly complimenting his dad on his detective-style murder wall of leads and suspects, asks his Sheriff father to borrow the truck for the drive-in. Disappointed that he doesn’t have a nice gay boy to bring as a date, the sheriff agrees to let Ronnie and Kevin borrow his vehicle. Now, in an earlier recap I noted that Kevin seemed mortified that his dad had to find out why he was at the river’s edge with Moose Mason, and hypothesized that Sheriff Keller was oblivious for not noticing his son’s obvious flamboyant homosexuality. Today I retract that statement, as it’s clear that he knows and is very accepting and supportive of his son – Kevin probably just didn’t want his dad to know when he was having sex and with whom, and possibly not wanting to out someone still closeted. At any rate, thanks for being a good dad, Mr. Keller. Before he lets him go, he asks his son to make one promise: not to go cruising guys at the Twilight and not to leave the truck, as there’s a lot of unsavoury folk that like to hang out there. Kevin, embarrassed, agrees to abide.

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Source: CW Riverdale

Meanwhile, at the Andrews house, Hal and Alice Cooper knock on the door to talk to Fred, and they tell him that they don’t think Betty and Archie should spend any more time together. Mr. Andrews protests that his son is a good kid, but Mrs. Cooper has been spying on them and sees Archie sneaking out. Making the catty remark that it’s on him if he ignores them, the couple leaves. Walking home, Archie tells Betty Ms. Grundy’s supervillain origin story. While she agrees it’s sad, she doesn’t think it excuses her from this whole sex offender registry business, and she urges Archie to really think about if this relationship is the best judgment call for either of them. Archie will deal with it – but on his own terms. To round out scenes with the major parents of the show, Hermione Lodge is on her laptop when her butler Smithers enters with her drycleaning. She tells him that all the pieces are in place: she’s going to the drive-in tonight with her old friend Fred Andrews to appear less conspicuous and to hide her true motives there, as ‘it’s less suspicious than an old crone going alone.’ Smithers argues that she’s not an old crone, and she seems perplexed for a moment before adding that it was just a joke. Now, this is either horrible and sloppy writing or building up to an insanely weird plot twist, and I can’t say that I would be especially happy with ether option. Please, Riverdale, just forget that this scene ever happened. For your sake. For your fan’s sake. FOR MY SANITY’S SAKE. If Jason Blossom was killed by the plot twist from Orphan I quit this show.

At Betty’s, Alice is loitering in her youngest daughter’s room (since it’s been well-established she’s obsessive and has no other hobbies,) and while snooping in a drawer she comes across a certain gun stowed away, pilfered from a certain somebody’s car. Mortified, she turns to  Betty’s diary (which she finds immediately, perhaps unsurprisingly, as she likely knows exactly where to look) and begins to flip through, because that’s the appropriate first-response for a parent. Motherhood. Betty comes home, and her mother immediately drags her little vanilla ass to the car. Later, the last picture show has started: Betty’s previous pick of Rebel Without a Cause, likely because its copyright has expired so it’s the only film the showrunners can show without paying royalties, as Juggie watches from the projectionist booth. In a faux-confident (but kind of sad, in a way) show of loneliness, Cheryl parks her convertible and scooches Ronnie and Kevin over to join the cuddle puddle in the back of the Keller pickup, while elsewhere Hermione and Fred reminisce about having awkward dates together here as teenagers and Sheriff Keller patrols the aisles of cars, making sure everyone’s safe. Hermione gets a text and leaves to get ‘get popcorn’ and  ‘powder her nose’ (but we guys know what that really means… AM I RIGHT, FELLAS?). At that moment, Alice knocks on the window like a crazy and tells Fred he needs to come with her, like ASAP-mode. While Kevin and Veronica make fun of the movie’s classic fashion sense, Cheryl commissions an as-per-usual eye-roll, by making this moment all about Jason and how he used to love the cinema. You know, Cheryl, if you were a better person I would tolerate your grieving a lot more.

This oh-so-heartfelt moment is interrupted by the clamouring of the Serpents, cause a ruckus at the back with their motorcycles and loud chatter. Kevin bravely turns to shush them, but not before catching the menacing glare of a Southside goon piercing his soul. As this just incites them to being louder, Veronica stands up and improves on Joss Whedon’s infamous Storm line from X-Men, asking: “Do you know what happens to a snake when a Louboutin heel steps on it? (The same thing that happens to everything else?) Shut the hell up, or you’ll find out.” Veronica curtsies to the applauding crowd before retaking her seat and telling Kevin she dealt with worse in New York. Cheryl immediately defers her popcorn refill duties on to Kevin (asking for a Cherry Cola, as always,’ her iconic comic favourite) and as Veronica watches him leave she suspiciously catches sight of her mom slinking off behind the projectionist trailer with the Skeetside Serpent from Pop’s earlier. At the concessions stand, Kevin places his order with a dude that looks legit like dorky redhead Archie ripped from the page, before spying Moose and his girlfriend Midge Klump from behind. He tacks more onto his order if now-comfort food, but is told they’re out of hot dogs, which he thinks is just typical. This is either a silly little gay in-joke, or a veiled reference to Hot Dog’s death. I’m still holding out hope for you, buddy. Turning to head back to the truck, he comes face-to-face with the goon who was giving him the eye before, who calls him out for being ‘not so tough without his beard.’ (If you’re out of the loop, this is a term used to refer to when a closeted gay person dates a friend of the opposite gender as cover, to appear straight.) Behind the trailer, Veronica spies on her mom giving money to the Ghostface Killer (oh, yeah, Scream spoilers) and arguing that this is the agreed upon amount that Hiram had directed her to provide. The thug, completing his ‘shady deals with billionaires’ quota for the day, says they’ll stay in touch and leaves.

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Source: CW Riverdale

Meanwhile, the only two people in town not at the Twilight Drive-In meet at the school, after-hours as Archie provides ‘Ms. Grundy’ a thank-you gift for everything she’s done for him: a brand new cello bow, hairs freshly plucked from the horse, which he pawned one of his guitars to afford. At a loss for words, Geraldine tells Archie that he doesn’t need to thank her, but he admits it’s also a goodbye gift – he doesn’t think they should continue their lessons, or their affair. Amicably, Miss Grundy agrees that that is for the best, and the two hug as they promise to see each other around the halls and to never forget each other. It’s a surprisingly touching moment in a fairly icky romance. Just as the two are about to kiss a final goodbye, Alice bursts into the music room, followed by Fred and Betty, catching the two lovebirds in the act. BUSTED. Alice asks Archie to explain exactly what’s going on here – and if he lies, she’ll be more than happy to fill in the lurid details, as Betty keeps a meticulous diary. (Which, side note, Betty looks absolutely crushed that this is her fault.) Back at the drive-in, the chain link fence violently rattles as Kevin is pushed against it and attacked by the Southside Serpent… ‘s lips. He introduces himself as Joaquin between kisses, and Kevin snags his phone to pop in his digits. Upon realizing he’s the Sheriff’s son he gets a bit twitchy, but he admits it won’t be a problem as long as his big honking serpent tattoo on his forearm, and what it represents, isn’t going to be a problem to Kevin.

Back at school, the parents confront the lovers and they don’t even try to deny the affair. Alice suggests to take Geraldine ‘Jennifer Gibson’ Grundy to the sheriff, but Archie argues that he was never forced into anything and he wanted all of this. Betty begs her mom to stop and asks why she’s putting Grundy on trial, and Alice says that this isn’t about her – it’s about tearing down Archie’s golden boy image so Betty can see what kind of person he truly is. This turns the tables against her, as Betty refuses to back down from their friendship and now Fred is pissed at Alice too for her streak of holding crazy grudges against teenage boys. As it’s turning into a flat-out argument, Archie breaks it up, telling Mrs. Cooper that he agrees that he’s selfish and stupid and doesn’t deserve to be Betty’s friend, but to take that anger out on him – not Ms. Grundy. Alice unconvincingly argues that she’s not trying to hurt anyone, she’s just trying to do what’s right (always her top concern), and Betty warns that if she publishes a word of any of this she’ll go public with the fact that she broke into Miss Grundy’s car and robbed her, and tell everyone she made up the illegal relationship during a psychotic break, just like her sister Polly… because, after all, ‘crazy runs in the family. Like mother, like daughter.’

Ms. Grundy finally pipes up to break up the family drama by offering to quit her job. Not satisfied, Alice adds that she has to leave town too, but Archie can’t accept that. Fred holds him back, telling him that it’s for the best and the way things have to be for Alice to keep her word, and, hugging her new bow close, Ms. Grundy sadly agrees to be packed and gone by morning before leaving in shame. Arriving home, the Kellers muse about the twist ending of the movie(/Joaquin’s intentions) before noticing that their front door is ajar with a cracked door jamb. Drawing his gun, the two enter to find that all of Sheriff Keller’s photographs, newspaper clippings – everything he had on the Blossom case aside from a few dangling pieces of red string to connect the ties – has been haphazardly torn down off his murder wall, along with all his file folders emptied. The Serpents, with Joaquin as a distraction and informant? Or someone who might have figured they’d be at the theatre?

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Source: CW Riverdale

At home, a scowling Veronica waits for her mom to come home in the exact inverse of most teen dramas. When she does, she confronts her about what the hell was going on back there. (Lot of confronting in this episode. Ctrl+F ‘confront’ – 795 matches found.) Hermione confesses she was dealing with some unfinished business for Ronnie’s father – ever the shady businessman, he had hired the Serpents to decrease the land’s value by doing what they do best, hanging around the lot and being general ruffians and thugs. That way, he could buy the property at a cheaper price using an offshore LLC that he owns. Hermione was simply paying them for a job well done, adding that he sank the last of their money into the deal. Veronica struggles to come to terms with the fact that her beloved daddy really is the monster the media makes him out to be, and that what he’s doing is wrong, but Hermione reminds her of all the nice stuff they used to have back in New York because of her father’s dealings, and that it’s not wrong – it’s their life. I changed my mind; now I’ve lost my respect for Hermione Lodge.

Meanwhile, Archie is softly crying in the passenger seat of his dad’s car, when his dad opens the door and tells him that he’s not the horrible things he said, and that this isn’t his fault. Archie leaves the car to give his dad a big weepy hug. DAD TALKS. Ugh, Fred is the best. Speaking of the worst, elsewhere Betty is also crying in her room while Alice tells her that she will not allow any more secrets to be kept from her, like her sister Polly did. Betty demands her mom say her name (Elizabeth Cooper, for those keeping score at home) and then tearfully says the first thing that actually seems to get through to her mother: “That’s right. I’m Elizabeth, not Polly. Archie is not Jason. So stop using them as an excuse to control my life!” Beginning to cry as well, Alice realizes she’s lost and leaves the room to go make Jason Blossom voodoo dolls. Cracking a fresh new diary (with still no security features cause some people never learn), Betty goes to write, before going to her window to sadly watch an annoyed-with-her-looking Archie. She breaks out her phone to text, and immediately feels better (Bettier?) after his clearly-typed-by-a-l33t-speaking-adult response:

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Source: CW Riverdale

With Betty narrating as she writes in her diary, she admits that love didn’t always guide her to do the right thing, but that maybe it lead to the best possible outcome in the end anyway. As she writes, Not-Ms. Not-Grundy (presumably with a sparkly new psuedonym) is in some other town and up to her usual tricks, as she lowers her sunglasses seductively at two jacked teenage boys jogging past. I CALLED IT. She IS just a no-good lying sexual predator. UGH. EAT IT, JENNIFER GIBSON. Meanwhile, as the last of the film reel rewinds through the projector, Jug sadly looks around at the all old reels in his booth before turning to pack up his belongings – including a picture of a young preteen Jughead and his kid sister Jellybean (who is admittedly not a toddler like in the comics, but does have the same singular hair bow) – and he leaves… leaving behind a bed and empty boxes and cartons of groceries. Oh, Jesus, that’s sad. Leaving his transient home/workplace, Jughead spraypaints the very inconspicuous message ‘Jughead Jones wuz here’ on the exterior wall (alongside a comical caricature of his signature paper crown), before being approached by Skeet Ulrich’s Serpent. The Southside thug reminds Jug that the booth will be torn down too, and Jughead jokes with a smirk that maybe they’ll save the pieces and that hundreds of years from now an explorer will reassemble it and wonder who was. With the gangster asking where he’s going to live now, Jughead responds “I’ll figure it out, Dad. I always do,” before brushing past Forsythe Jones II and walking off with his backpack into the distance.

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Source: Archie Comics

Wait, WHAT? Just like Rebel Without a Cause, what a twist ending! But where’s Jug’s mom? And do Jellybean and he go by their respective nicknames to effectively ‘sever ties’ with their dad since their birth names, Forsythe and Forsythia, are named after him? And forget Hot Dog – with Jellybean only being spoken of in past tense, and with an incompetent as a father and a homeless brother, is she dead? I can’t wait for the answers to these questions, guys. At any rate, this is how you do an episode of Riverdale. (I’m looking at you, Chapter Three.) Just enough teen drama subplots sprinkled in with fresh new mysteries and a whole batch of dangling plot threads? I guess we’re going to have to wait and see how this pans out. Check out Riverdale at 9:00 PM (EST) on The CW or Canadian Netflix, after Supernatural!

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Author: Jordan

@jordanrolufs on Twitter!

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