Ugh why is the answer never just right there in an easily understandable comic strip?!
Eleanor is freaking out guys, she promised to help Michael find whatever is making the neighbourhood go crazy but that happens to be her, so if she helps, she’s doomed. Unfortunately, it would be unethical for her to not help, which would cause more craziness and doom her anyway. Sweet ethical Chidi tries to help her with the concept of contractualism but she doesn’t listen, mocks him a little (he loves it, maybe) and just wants to be a mini-tyrant (generally frowned upon).
Michael’s office is super messy (well, in dimensions 4-9) so he clears some space for Eleanor to sit and starts talking about how he could really use a Friend right now. Fun Michael fact: he watched all 10 seasons of “Friends” to study the human concept of friendship & even HE was confused by how they afforded those apartments in NYC! We flashback to a time in Eleanor’s life where she agreed to house-sit for a friend and take care of her dog. We all know this isn’t gonna end well for Lester the dog *sad face*
At Tahani’s house castle, Jianyu is using a magic 8 ball to talk like a monk and not incriminate himself. Dear, sweet Tahani, who just wants to bond with her soulmate, wants to go to the spa with him & “talk in long discursive sentences.”
Jianyu totally freaks out, because Tahani is so pretty and “talks so smart” like Nala in The Lion King, so he convinces Chidi to go along with them and he’s so confused by the right thing to do and his ethical responsibility that he agrees. #ThirdWheel
Back in Michael’s office, Eleanor is looking around at his nicknacks – including wax lips, a statue of Einstein, a cheese grater and a huge bowl of paperclips. At this point I got distracted and started wondering if we under-appreciate paperclips so I grabbed a couple from my desk and y’all paperclips are so cool!!! jk they’re super random.
Anyway, Michael thinks one object has a design flaw so he wants to inspect every single one. Starting with the 78 rocks that look sinister, like they’re taunting you, always one step ahead. Eleanor convinces him to take a break “recharge the ole batteries.” He agrees, but still wants to keep an eye out for twigs that might have a nefarious agenda.
At The Good Place spa, Janet is hella confused by Chidi third wheeling the couple. Janet’s got jokes too because she does her best “does not compute exploding robot impression.” Chidi wants Jianyu to connect with Tahani & he wants to know if he should be nice to her or throw all her jewelry in the toilet and I just want to thank him for teaching us all what the opposite of being nice is!
“There’s something so human about taking something great and ruining it a little so you can have more of it.” Michael shares this little nugget of wisdom as he & Eleanor are having froyo. Since they’re becoming friends “like Ross & Phoebe,” – “weird combo to pick but okay” – he admit that usually, the architect does not hang around his neighbourhood, he’s supposed to just play the intro video and leave the humans with Janet. His boss (God?) thought his idea of sticking around for the first thousand years to help everyone transition was CRAZY so he’ll be in big trouble if this experiment fails. After froyo, they go to karaoke, obviously,
Janet has now heated her hands to the perfect temperature and is ready to massage Tahani. Chidi jumps in and offers to do Jianyu at the same time so he doesn’t idly stand around and say something stupid and give himself away.
At the arcade, Kristen Bell teaches Ted Danson how to steal extra tickets from the machines – but guys that’s wrong!, something has to go wrong now right?! We then flashback to the same week when Eleanor was house-sitting for her friend. Turns out, another friend showed up with floor seats to Rihanna in Vegas, so Eleanor left a shit ton of food out for Lester and just left him alone – cut to me screaming nooooo over and over again.
Tahani – and her small pores – is really upset that Jianyu isn’t opening up to her so she goes to the suana by herself and Chidi tries to talk some sense into Jianyu and tells him to at least try to bond with T. After they talk about her love of impressionist paintings, J just runs off…thiiiiiis will also not end well.
Michael & Eleanor go back to his office with the minions that they won at the arcade and you can see how happy Eleanor gets when Michael tells her that she helped him a lot by taking his mind off things! SHE IS A GOOD PERSON! DEEEEEEEEEEEP DOWN!
Still upset, Tahani is hanging out at the “Tea for Two couples cafe.” Chidi sits down with her AND THEY BOND! Over art & museums! I can’t wait for this to lead to an affair! They both deserve to be happy, they’re so adorable!
The next day, Michael has had an epiphany! He figured out that the problems are arising from a person behaving unpredictably. He wants to celebrate with a paper clip shower, which just sounds painful tbh. This is a huge oh-uh for Eleanor, especially when they start going to the scenes of her “crimes” and collecting lists of all the people that were in the vicinity.
Meanwhile, Jianyu got Tahani a painting of a dude that does impressions, which is soooo not what impressionist painting means, but at least he’s trying to be nice?
The list of people who could’ve been responsible for the sinkhole is basically everyone, Michael is so discouraged, like when they ran out of ideas on season 8 of Friends and made Rachel & Joey date, so he lays down on the ground in his hoodie.
The final flashback of the episode shows Eleanor running into her friend Paula, whose dog became suuuuuuper obese & bulbous after that unfortunate incident with the dog food and the Rihanna concert. Eleanor is devastated after remembering this and promises to help Michael however she can. He then has another epiphany and tells Janet to call a town meeting with a moribund and devastating mood. #OHUH
“I made you a art.” Jianyu presents Tahani with a lovely painting in the style of her favourite artist that Chidi CLEARLY drew because he is the nicest man on the face of the earth. #BAE
Chidi sees Eleanor at the town meeting where she’s convinced that she is about to be outed. However, Michael surprises everyone by declaring that HE was the problem and that he has to leave forever!
OMG Y’ALL! Will Michael leave? Will Eleanor be the ultimate good person and come clean? Will Chidi & Tahani ever hook-up? Tune in next week to see if any of my random questions get answered.
The Good Place airs Thursdays at 8:30 on NBC, following Superstore which is also a delightful show!