Neighbours – Ramsay Street Round-Up (10th – 13th November)

Well. That was quite a week in Erinsborough, wasn’t it? I have a lot to say about Andrew in particular, so let’s get on with rounding up all the proverbial poo that launched itself into the proverbial fan this week.

Jane And Clint Kissing In A Tree

Since everyone found out that Clint is Addison’s father, Jane has been seeing a lot more of him, and it’s obvious there’s still a spark there. She’s even started trying to justify his criminal behaviour, telling herself and everyone else that Clint was just trying to care for his sick mother and that he’s a changed man, blah, blah, blah.

Jane, Clint and Addison make a date (and it absolutely is a date, regardless of a child being present) to do a pastry class together, but when it gets cancelled they all go to Jane’s to make eclairs instead. Is there anything more cliched than a crush wiping some cooking ingredients off someone’s face? Because if there is, then Clint will probably do it next week, on his way to charming his way back into Jane’s bed. Or the store cupboard – they’re not that fussy about location.

Nicolette Isn’t Pregnant

Staying on the subject of Addison, having her around at the penthouse seems to have scratched Krista’s brief motherhood itch, so when Nicolette barges in (does anyone ever not barge into the penthouse?) and declares that she’s started her period, Krista actually feels relieved that their parenting arrangement is on hold for now.

A blind man on a galloping horse could have seen that Krista has been decidedly lukewarm about the prospect of sharing a baby with Nicolette ever since it was suggested, but it seems that now she’s finally being honest with herself about it. How long will it be before she plucks up the courage to be honest with everyone else?

Greg Isn’t Dead Shocker

When Greg was declared dead without the police finding a body, we all expected him to reappear. I wasn’t expecting him to come back quite so soon, but then I also wasn’t expecting Greg to be so lacking in imagination that he just went back to his caravan after faking his own death. Seriously? That’s the best he could do? “Nobody will think of looking for me here,” he must have thought, as he ate baked beans and read the paper. Did he not think that Cara would come to clear out his things after she found out he was dead?

After Felix and Andrew discover Greg is still alive, Andrew has a decision to make – can he keep lying to Cara in order to keep Greg quiet about his affair with Holly? Of course not, so it’s finally time to get a bit closer to unpicking that particular hot mess.

Holly’s Tells The Truth (Well, Part Of It)

Max has been a bit intense ever since he found out that Holly is pregnant with what he thinks is his baby. He’s truly a turbo sweetheart, doing his best to try to support Holly, even if his efforts are a bit clumsy and overbearing at times.

Holly finally dredges up a tiny morsel of morality from somewhere and tells Max that the baby isn’t his, because she can’t go on letting him think he’s going to be a dad. Of course, he’s devastated, but he believes Holly’s story that she had a one night stand.

The trouble with Holly telling Max the baby isn’t his, is that she’s already told Andrew he’s not the father – but even a cop of Andrew’s calibre can probably work out that if the baby isn’t Max’s then it’s probably his after all. Sure enough, he does figure it out, and Holly confirms it.

Andrew’s Lies Begin To Unravel

Andrew now knows his affair with Holly has resulted in a pregnancy, plus Greg is back from the dead, and he knows Andrew’s secret. The final nail in the coffin is when Taye finds Holly’s earring in the V-Bar lost property and realises it was lost the same night that Andrew’s credit card was charged with the wrong amount. I knew that earring was going to come back in some way – I thought it was going to be attached to Andrew’s clothes, rather than this convoluted chain of coincidences but, all the same, the earring has come back to get Andrew into trouble.

Faced with his web of increasingly escalating lies starting to unravel, Andrew decides he has to come clean to Wendy, and that the ideal time to do that is at their vow renewal, about one metre away from all of their friends and neighbours. I suppose it at least saves Wendy the trouble of having to explain to everyone she knows why she’s about to divorce her lying, cheating husband.

All of Andrew’s secrets are exposed – his affair with Holly, the fact that Greg is alive, and that Andrew actively overlooked crucial evidence in a police investigation. He’s facing the breakdown of his family and the end of his police career, and to that I say: EXCELLENT.

Everyone Hates Andrew and Holly

Everyone else seems to be on board with me too, aside from Felix who meekly follows Andrew round as he does the walk of shame to apologise to everyone he’s wronged. Cara is furious that he let her carry on thinking her dad was dead when he wasn’t, and that he compromised his integrity (if he had any) as a cop. Max is, of course, angry that Andrew slept with Holly while they were still together. Wendy and Sadie are livid with both Andrew and Holly at the betrayal of Andrew having an affair with Sadie’s best friend.

Karl’s fury hits a level not seen before, as Andrew tries to play the “you had affairs too” card in order to get a smidgen of sympathy from someone. You got this man’s daughter pregnant while you were married, Andrew, now is really not the time to try to bond with Karl over the shared hobby of cheating on your wives.

And Susan? Susan is disappointed. She’s that quiet sort of mad, with both Holly and Andrew, that’s even scarier than when someone yells at you, but she is still trying to be supportive and sympathetic to Holly – which can’t be easy.

Watching this all finally reach a climax was very entertaining, and I think everyone acted their socks off during all the intense scenes. My one criticism is the infantilisation of Holly. Everyone keeps accusing Andrew of taking advantage of Holly, forgetting that she is an adult woman who has agency and can make her own decisions. Yes, she was vulnerable, but if she was emotionally capable of having a relationship with Max, then she was capable of choosing to have an affair with Andrew. Nobody was accusing Max of taking advantage of her, so I don’t really see how she’s any less responsible for the affair with Andrew than he is.

Anyway. I can’t wait to see what happens next, it really has been Unmissable Drama™ this week!

A Few Random Notes

As usual, here are a few random notes I took while watching Neighbours this week:

• Cara, looking at Greg’s empty bean tins: “Someone’s been squatting here.” Are you thick?
• What is it about a woman’s body autonomy that Taye isn’t getting?
• Loving Taye’s pink jacket. For once someone on Neighbours has a nice jacket. 
• Sadie is in danger of showing everyone her pants in that dress. 
• The brass neck on Andrew, just strutting about talking to everyone. Have some decency and go and lie low. 
• Why does Holly think she’s got any right to talk to Wendy? She doesn’t want to talk to you. 
• Does Guilty Andrew have to talk in that husky, whispery voice?
• “I knew that I had to come clean,” says the man who was minutes away from being found out by someone else. 
• Andrew is the most clueless man in the universe. He keeps walking into houses where he knows he’s about as welcome as a fart in a lift.