Neighbours – Ramsay Street Round-Up (15th – 19th September)

This week I’ve got an extra person to be annoyed with, because Elle has joined the ranks of Erinsborough residents who need to take a walk into the sea without stopping. I apologise that the following round-up is mostly going to be me being annoyed with Holly, Andrew and Elle. Let’s crack on with the rage fest.

Remi Faces a Conundrum

After Remi tells Cara that she’s free to see other people if she wants to, she’s faced with her own dating conundrum. A very charming lady keeps coming to the tram for coffee, and Remi doesn’t seem to realise that she’s coming there so often because she has a crush on her. There’s some flirty banter and then eventually the lady gives Remi her number.

Remi is torn about what to do, because on the one hand she’s clearly flattered, but on the other hand she wants to remember the wife everyone keeps telling her that she’s head over heels in love with. She’s definitely warmed to Cara in recent weeks, but there’s still no sign of any romance being on the cards between them. I feel that current events may lead to things getting back to a more even keel between Remi and Cara though – more on that in a bit.

Elle Is THE WORST

Elle came back to the street and immediately set about lying to her family and then rubbing Terese up the wrong way, and she continues to be absolutely awful as she tries to secure a job with a news website run by a 12-year-old with a dodgy mullet.

After declaring their uneasy truce, things are very awkward between Terese and Elle, until Terese gives her a career pep talk and then takes her around the street to see what all the houses look like now.

At Cara’s house, Elle spies the Linwell police files on the table, so when nobody is looking she takes a look and photographs all the pages because she’s looking for an impressive story which is going to impress the mullet-child editor. Cara shouldn’t have left people unsupervised in her home when she had confidential files there, but for Elle to actually photograph them and then write an article about what’s in them is such a breach of privacy and ethics that I can’t even fathom it. I did a journalism degree myself, and it’s precisely this sort of journalist that made me think twice about entering certain parts of the profession (internal communications is much less cutthroat, thank god). Susan is correct – protecting your sources is Journalism 101, so to put one of your sources of information in this kind of situation is unforgivable, especially considering that Cara didn’t give her the information willingly in the first place. Elle’s lack of integrity is revolting, and I hope she gets what’s coming to her.

The story is a huge success, but when Cara sees it she immediately knows where Elle got the information, and that she’s put her and her family in serious danger, and she’s understandably furious about it.

Everyone on the street is horrified with Elle, but she doubles down and tries to pretend that she’s on some sort of crusade to help the police, rather than just being in it for her own glory and career prospects. She keeps on digging for more information, quizzing Karl about one of his council colleagues and later breaking into her car to snoop around. She doesn’t seem to be bothered about what effect her story is having on Cara and her family, she’s so ruthless she’s like Paul but turned up to 11.

Cara Is Not Having a Great Time

As soon as Elle’s story goes live, Cara receives a threatening text and immediately starts putting plans in place to move Remi and the boys into a safe house. Except they choose the stupidest safe house, opting to “hide” Remi, Dex and JJ at Remi’s dad’s house, on account of them not being close. He’s still her dad! If the Linwells can find Cara’s dad, which they do later, they can find Remi’s. They need to be somewhere with absolutely no connection to their family or friends whatsoever.

Meanwhile, Cara is trying to get hold of her dad, but nobody has heard from him. Cara and Andrew go to look for him and find him unconscious in his caravan, having been beaten up by someone on behalf of the Linwells. The attack on Cara’s dad is another direct result of Elle’s news story – maybe someone should bop her on the head with something heavy.

Surely this plot is going to reach a head with either Cara and/or Remi in danger, and then the trauma will make Remi suddenly remember her life with Cara. Because if this ends with either Cara or Remi dying while they’re still estranged I’m going to be really sad. If anyone’s going to come a cropper at the hands of the Linwells, let it be Elle.

Holly and Andrew Continue To Be Trash People

These two get worse and worse – despite saying they were going to avoid each other until they’d both extricated themselves from their marriages, now they’re meeting up in seedy motels.

Andrew is still stringing Wendy along, knowing full well he wants out of their marriage, because he’s under some illusion that if he can bolster her self-confidence enough before he runs off with his daughter’s best friend, that Wendy isn’t going to be absolutely crushed by the end of their marriage. Is he on glue? Because I can think of nothing more cruel than making Wendy feel more loved and appreciated by her husband, then getting the rug completely pulled out from under her. At least if she was aware of how bad things really are between them, it wouldn’t come as so much of a shock when Andrew leaves her.

Holly is also being a walking trash bag, because she’s confronted with the knowledge that Wendy is trying to get things back on track in the bedroom with Andrew, and she feels jealous that Wendy is trying to “seduce” Andrew. Seduce him? He. Is. Her. Husband. Sex is a part of marriage. Grow up, Holly.

Then Holly has the bright idea that if Wendy can meet someone new, she’ll be absolutely fine when Andrew ditches her. This is such childlike logic that it really demonstrates Holly’s lack of emotional intelligence, and it shows how grim it is for Andrew to be with someone this immature too. This whole thing just gets more and more gross.

ALSO, STOP KISSING IN THE BLOODY BUSHES!

Someone Needs To Tell Terese and Susan That They’re Bad At Business

Susan and Terese have somehow only recently realised that in order to run a profitable retirement complex they need to have a complex full of residents to pay for things. So now they’re on the hunt for ways to save money, but they manage to find cheap biscuits and coffee that are so disgusting that the residents start another rebellion. Honestly, these pensioners protest more than French farmers do.

Susan might finally be realising that her and Terese are hopeless at running Eirini so she reaches out to Colton, who comes back with an offer from his company – they’ll buy into Eirini, keep Susan and Terese on, and install Colton as another manager. This is definitely going to be a case of, “too many cooks spoil the broth”, rather than, “many hands make light work.” I’m not feeling particularly hopeful that a man who consistently buys clothes that are way too small for him is smart enough to be the saviour of Eirini, but he can’t do a much worse job of it than Terese and Susan. All he needs to do to be better than them is to not get plastered and run over one of the residents, or get caught having sex in his office – the bar is VERY low.

A Few Random Notes

As usual, here are a few random notes I took while watching Neighbours this week:

• I thought Susan had taken the Eirini gang to a war museum but I misheard. It was a WOOL museum, which I actually would love. 
• Where the heck did they find coffee that terrible?! 
• I can’t believe that Susan is having to lecture a former New York post reporter on journalistic ethics. 
• I love this new badass police inspector. 
• Elle saying to Holly that she’s nears she’s nothing like her mother: Just one of the many things you’re wrong about, Elle.