This is a round-up of last week’s UK episodes, but first of all, I need to talk about the baby drama from the week before, because I hadn’t seen THAT episode when I wrote my last round-up. Holy balls, talk about unmissable drama. I’d seen a photo of David holding a baby, but I didn’t read the accompanying spoiler, so my best guess from his behaviour last week was that maybe he’d stolen a baby because he wasn’t coping with his grief. I didn’t guess for a second that Nicolette would steal a baby and pull a switcheroo in order to avoid having to come back to Erinsborough. Whose baby is that? I need to know! Poor Aaron and David, there is definitely some more heartbreak on the horizon for them when they discover that Isla is not their baby. I can’t wait to see what happens.

Photo: © Channel 5. Source: Digital Spy

Now on to last week…

Is There a Waste Disposal Unit Big Enough For Paul?

Paul is genuinely the worst. At this point, it’s gone way beyond him getting in the bin, and we need a more permanent solution – I’m thinking either a giant waste disposal unit or, failing that, an incinerator. He comes back from Canberra playing the big hero because he’s managed to recover baby Isla (except he hasn’t, but he doesn’t know that), then he immediately starts lying to everyone about where Nicolette is how and why she isn’t coming home. He’s even lying to Jane, who is one of Paul’s oldest friends, and goes as far as interfering when Jane hires his private investigator to try to track down her daughter. He can see how distraught Jane is at not knowing where her daughter is, and yet he’s still feeding lies to her about Nicolette being in America where Jane won’t be able to find her. I’m sure the way Paul meddles in the lives of his family and friends could be described as emotionally abusive and controlling, he is an absolute trash bag of a person.

Poor Jane doesn’t deserve this. Photo: © Channel 5. Source: Digital Spy

Oh, Joy – Rose is Back

Toadie honestly has the worst taste in women. He’s currently dating kaftan-wearing, manure-delivering, tarot card aficionado Melanie, but who should turn up to work on the film festival but his painfully perky ex, Rose. I simply cannot deal with either of them. Melanie is weird and annoying and Rose is more irritatingly chirpy than a children’s TV presenter – why don’t we just get Audrey back as well and then we’ll have the holy trinity of Toadie’s awful girlfriends?

Hendrix is almost a professional gossip at this point, and it doesn’t take him long to figure out that Rose is in town to try to win Toadie back. Hendrix is all for it because he has the judgment of a normal, sane person and thinks Melanie is too much of a loose cannon for Toadie. As much as I don’t like Rose or Melanie, I’m kind of excited to see Hendrix meddle in everything and cause some drama. Hendrix has been terrific fun lately.

UGH. Photo: © Channel 5. Source: Digital Spy

Chloe is Threatened By Someone Who Was Very Recently a Child

Harlow literally left school thirty seconds ago, and yet she’s somehow making Chloe feel insecure in her job at the hotel. Harlow has been visibly pleased every time she manages to outdo Chloe in front of Terese, but this time it’s Chloe’s turn to be delighted when Harlow gets something a bit wrong and accidentally stirs up rumours among the Lassiters staff that there’s going to be redundancies while trying to compile a report. I sense an all-out war between them which will be entertaining, but it is a touch embarrassing for an established businesswoman like Chloe to feel threatened by someone who has been doing the job for literal minutes. Get a grip, Chloe, you can run rings around Harlow.

Amy’s Text Blunder

I’m all for Neighbours exploring some relationships with slightly different dynamics to the norm, but so far I’m not sure we’ve seen the most enlightened portrayal of a polyamorous relationship, as a texting mishap ends up with Levi and Ned accidentally in bed together naked. It is quite funny though. Amy books a hotel room for her and Ned, but then accidentally text Levi instead, while Harlow tells Ned that Amy was over at the hotel making a booking. Levi decides to get the key early and wait for Amy. It seems as though he’s going to do something romantic to surprise her, but all he actually does is gets his kit off and have a snooze, which is not the most raunchy thing for Amy to walk in on, but OK.

Ned has the same idea, so sneaks in, gets naked, and gets into bed next to Levi, thinking it’s Amy. It’s at that moment that Amy walks in and finds both of her boyfriends in the nip in the same hotel room, which is not exactly what she bargained for when she agreed to try polyamory. Ned and Levi’s acting embarrassed was my highlight of the week, and I also enjoyed Kyle’s reaction, especially when Levi asks him not to tell Sheila, and Kyle replies that he couldn’t pay him to have that conversation with their grandma. I like how supportive Kyle and Roxy have been of Levi’s relationship, but I’m also glad that Kyle still makes fun of him as well – that’s how families should be. Families should not, however, try to sabotage their relatives’ relationships, which is what Sheila is attempting to do at the moment, and I’m still not a fan of it. She needs to stay in her lane and let her adult grandson make his own decisions.