Top Ten Best Quotes from Each Season of Buffy the Vampire Slayer

I’ve watched a significant amount of television over the years, but one of my very favorites is Buffy the Vampire Slayer. It simply never gets old. I think that’s due in large part to the fact that Joss Whedon is a dialogue genius. When it comes to amazing quotes, Buffy is chuck full of them! In fact, it’s likely one of the most quotable shows I’ve ever seen.

Here’s a collection of the top ten most memorable, funny, and impactful quotes from each season of Buffy the Vampire Slayer.

Season One

  1. “Well…when I’m with a boy I like, it’s hard for me to say anything cool, or, or witty. Or at all. I-I can usually make a few vowel sounds, and then I have to go away.” – Willow
  2. “This is just too much. I mean, yesterday my life’s like, ‘Uh-oh, pop quiz.’ Today it’s ‘Rain of Toads’.” – Xander
  3. “Don’t you have an elsewhere to be?” – Cordelia
Buffy the Vampire Slayer Season One
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  1. “I gotta look on the bright side. Maybe I can still get kicked out of school.” – Buffy
  • “I don’t like vampires. I’m gonna take a stand and say they’re not good.” – Xander
  • “God! What is your childhood trauma?!” – Cordelia
  • “Gee, can you vague that up for me?” – Buffy
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  1. “I laugh in the face of danger. Then I hide until it goes away.” – Xander
  • “I may be dead, but I’m still pretty. Which is more than I can say for you.” – Buffy
Buffy the Vampire Slayer
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  1. “The earth is doomed.” – Giles

Season Two

  1. “I don’t know what your problem is, what your issues are. But as of this moment I officially don’t care.” – Xander
  • “You’re really campaigning for bitch of the year, aren’t you?” – Cordelia
  • “Oh Please! If every vampire who said he was at the crucifixion was actually there, it would have been like Woodstock. I was actually at Woodstock. That was a weird gig. I fed off a flower person, and I spent the next six hours watching my hand move.” – Spike
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  1. “Yes, it’s terribly simple. The good guys are always stalwart and true, the bad guys are easily distinguished by their pointy horns or black hats, and, uh, we always defeat them and save the day. No one ever dies, and everybody lives happily ever after.” – Giles
  • “I mock you with my monkey pants!” – Oz
  • “Funny how preparing looks an awful lot like sitting on your ass.” – Spike
  • “That’s fairly freaksome.” – Oz
Buffy the Vampire Slayer
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  1. “Do you have any tact at all?” – Giles
  • “I’ve known you for two minutes and I can’t stand you.” – Spike
  • “Bottom line is, even if you see ’em coming, you’re not ready for the big moments. No one asks for their life to change, not really, but it does. So, what are we, helpless? Puppets? Nah. The big moments are gonna come, you can’t help that. It’s what you do afterwards that counts. That’s when you find out who you are.” – Whistler

Season Three

  1. “Great. Now I’m gonna be stuck with serious thoughts all day.” – Cordelia
  2. “‘Kiss rocks’? Why would anyone want to kiss… Oh, wait. I get it.” – Willow
  3. “You’re not friends. You’ll never be friends. You’ll be in love ’til it kills you both. You’ll fight, and you’ll shag, and you’ll hate each other ’til it makes you quiver, but you’ll never be friends. Love isn’t brains, children, it’s blood…blood screaming inside you to work its will. I may be love’s bitch, but at least I’m man enough to admit it.” – Spike
  4. “You ever have that dream where you’re in a play and it’s the middle of the play and you really don’t know your lines and you kinda don’t know the plot?” – Oz
  5. “Not everyone worships Santa!” – Willow
  6. “I hope evil takes Mastercard.” – Faith
Buffy the Vampire Slayer
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  1. “There’s more than one way to skin a cat, and I happen to know that’s factually true.” – Mayor Wilkins
  • “You didn’t happen to take a lot of drugs, did you?” – Willow
  • “We’re not good friends. Most of us never found the time to get to know you, but that doesn’t mean we haven’t noticed you. We don’t talk about it much, but it’s no secret that Sunnydale High isn’t like other High Schools. A lot of weird stuff happens here. But whenever there was a problem or something creepy happened, you seemed to show up and stop it! Most of the people here have been saved by you or helped by you at one time or another. We are proud to say that the class of ’99 has the lowest mortality rate of any class in Sunnydale history! And we know at least part of that is due to you. And the senior class offers its thanks and gives you this: it has written on it ‘Buffy Summers, Class Protector’!” – Jonathan
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  1. “For god’s sake, man, she’s 18! And you have the emotional maturity of a blueberry scone. Just have at it, would you, and stop fluttering about!” – Giles

Season Four

  1. “I’ve seen honest faces…they usually come attached to liars.” – Willow
  • “Can I be blind, too?” – Xander
  • “Gee, I hope I’m not interrupting anything really depressing.” – Riley
Buffy the Vampire Slayer
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  1. “Please stop whatever you’re doing. You smell like fruit roll-ups.” – Giles
  • “And you just accepted that? I only said that because I thought that’s what you wanted to hear.” – Anya
  • “This is the crack team that foils my every plan? I am deeply shamed.” – Spike
  • “I happen to be very biteable, pal. I’m moist and delicious.” – Xander
  • “Wow. I wasn’t sure where the party was, and then I saw the flashing lights and the ambulance, and I was like ‘right, of course! Death, carnage—it’s a Buffy party!'” – Buffy
  • “What’s this? Sitting around watching the telly while there’s evil still afoot. That’s not very industrious of you. I say we go out there and kick a little demon ass! [Xander and Willow stare at him] What, can’t go without your Buffy, is that it? Too chicken? Let’s find her! She is the Chosen One after all. Come on! Vampires. Grrr! Nasty! Let’s annihilate them. For justice—and for—the safety of puppies…and Christmas, right? Let’s fight that evil! Let’s kill something!” – Spike
Buffy the Vampire Slayer
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  1. “We’ve got to face it, we’ve changed. Well, not you—you’re still sadistic and self-centered.” – Giles

Season Five

  1. “Besides, “I’m here to violate your firstborn” never goes over with parents. Not sure why. – Riley
  • “I thought it was gonna be like in the movies – you know, inspirational music, a montage: me sharpening my pencil, me reading, writing, falling asleep on a big pile of books with my glasses all crooked, ’cause in my montage, I have glasses. But real life is slow, and it’s starting to hurt my occipital lobe.” – Buffy
Buffy the Vampire Slayer
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  1. “Care package! Special delivery for the Summers girls. Now, let’s see what I have in this sack of mine. Oh, I feel just like Santa Claus, except thinner and younger and female and, well, Jewish.” – Willow
  • “You know what? I’m sick of this crap. I’m sick of being the guy who eats insects, and gets the funny syphilis. As of this moment, it’s over. I’m finished being everybody’s butt-monkey.” – Xander
  • “This must be my two-teenage-girls-in-the-house headache. I thought it felt familiar.” – Joyce
  • “I saw myself in more of a…patriarchal sort of role. You know, lots of pointing and scowling.” – Giles
  • “But I don’t understand! I don’t understand how this all happens. How we go through this. I knew her, and then she’s – there’s just a body, and I don’t understand why she just can’t get back in it and not be dead…anymore! It’s stupid! It’s mortal and stupid! And…and Xander’s crying and not talking, and…and I was having fruit punch, and I thought, well, Joyce will never have any more fruit punch, ever, and she’ll never have eggs, or yawn, or brush her hair, not ever, and no one will explain to me why!” – Anya
  • “Whatever you choose, you’ve got my support. Just think of me as… as your… You know, I’m searching for supportive things and I’m coming up all bras. So, something slightly more manly, think of me as that.” – Xander
  • “I look around at this world you’re so eager to be a part of and all I see is six billion lunatics looking for the fastest ride out. Who’s not crazy? Look around, everyone’s drinking, smoking, shooting up, shooting each other, or just plain screwing their brains out ’cause they don’t want ’em anymore. I’m crazy? Honey, I’m the original one-eyed chicklet in the kingdom of the blind, ’cause at least I admit the world makes me nuts.” Glory
  • “Dawn, listen to me, listen. I love you. I will always love you. But this is the work that I have to do. Tell Giles…tell Giles I figured it out. And, and I’m okay. And give my love to my friends. You have to take care of them now. You have to take care of each other.You have to be strong. Dawn, the hardest thing in this world-is to live in it. Be brave. Live…for me.” – Buffy
Buffy the Vampire Slayer
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Season Six

  1. “I do remember what I said. The promise. To protect her. If I had done that – even if I didn’t make it – you wouldn’t have had to jump. But I want you to know I did save you. Not when it counted, of course, but after that. Every night after that. I’d see it all again – do something different. Faster or more clever, you know? Dozens of times, lots of different ways. Every night I’d save you.” – Spike
  • “Wherever I was, I was happy. At peace. I knew that everyone I cared about was all right. I knew it. Time didn’t mean anything…nothing had form, but I was still me, you know? And I was warm and I was loved and I was finished. Complete. I don’t understand about theology or dimensions, or any of it, really, but I think I was in heaven. And now I’m not. I was torn out of there. Pulled out…by my friends. Everything here is hard, and bright, and violent. Everything I feel, everything I touch. This is hell. Just getting through the next moment, and the one after that knowing what I’ve lost.They can never know. Never.” – Buffy
Buffy the Vampire Slayer-they-can-never-know
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  1. “That’s a weird place for a horn…That’s not a horn.” – Dawn
  • “It could be witches! Some evil witches! Which is ridiculous cause witches they were persecuted Wicca good and love the earth and woman power and I’ll be over here.” – Xander
  • “We do not joke about eating people in this house!” – Buffy
  • “Are you kidding, it was like a meat party in my mouth! Okay, now I’m just a kid and even I know that came out wrong.” – Dawn
  • “I, Anya, want to marry you, Xander, because I love you, and I’ll always love you. And, before I knew you, I was like a completely different person. N-not even a person, really. And I’d seen what love could do to people, and it was hurt, and sadness. A-alone was better. And then, suddenly, there was you! And-and you knew me. You saw me. And it was this…thing. You make me feel safe and warm, so, I get it now. I finally get love, Xander! I really do.” – Anya
Buffy the Vampire Slayer
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  1. “Oh, come on, that’s ridiculous! What, you think this isn’t real just because of all the vampires, and demons, and ex-vengeance demons, and the sister that used to be a big ball of universe-destroying energy?” – Xander
  • “Sometimes the most adult thing you can do is ask for help when you need it.” – Giles
  • “First day of kindergarten. You cried because you broke the yellow crayon, and you were too afraid to tell anyone. You’ve come pretty far, ending the world, not a terrific notion. But the thing is? Yeah. I love you. I love crayon-breaky Willow and I love scary veiny Willow. So if I’m going out, it’s here. If you wanna kill the world? Well, then start with me. I’ve earned that.” – Xander
Buffy the Vampire Slayer
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Season Seven

  1. “My sister’s about to go to the same school that tried to kill me for three years. I can’t change districts, I can’t afford private school, and I can’t begin to prepare for what may come out of there. So peachy with a side of keen, that would be me.” – Buffy
  • “Sunnydale. Come for the food, stay for the dismemberment.” – Xander
  • “It is always different! It’s always complicated. And at some point, someone has to draw the line and that is always going to be me! You get down on me for cutting myself off but in the end, the Slayer is always cut off. There’s no mystical guidebook, no all-knowing council. Human rules don’t apply. There’s only me. I am the law.” – Buffy
  • “Did everybody have their Crazy Flakes today?” – Xander
  • “You listen to me. I’ve been alive a bit longer than you, and dead a lot longer than that. I’ve seen things you couldn’t imagine, and done things I prefer you didn’t. Don’t exactly have a reputation for being a thinker. I follow my blood… which doesn’t exactly rush in the direction of my brain. So I make a lot of mistakes. A lot of wrong bloody calls. A hundred-plus years, and there’s only one thing I’ve ever been sure of. You… Hey, look at me. I’m not asking you for anything. When I say I love you, it’s not because I want you, or because I can’t have you. It has nothing to do with me. I love what you are. What you do. How you try. I’ve seen your kindness, and your strength. I’ve seen the best and the worst of you, and I understand, with perfect clarity, exactly what you are. You’re a hell of a woman. You’re the One, Buffy.” – Spike
Buffy the Vampire Slayer
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  1. “They’ll never know how tough it is, Dawnie, to be the one who isn’t chosen. To live so near to the spotlight and never step in it. But I know. I see more than anybody realizes because nobody’s watching me. I saw you last night. I see you working here today. You’re not special. You’re extraordinary.” – Xander
  • “Have you seen the new library? There’s nothing but computers. There’s not a book to be seen. I – I don’t know where to begin, Buffy. I mean, who do we speak to?” – Giles
  • “You know, I always loved the story of the Last Supper. The body and blood of Christ becoming rich, red wine. I recall, as a boy, though, I couldn’t help but think: what would happen if you were at the Last Supper, and you ordered the white? A nice oaky Chardonnay or White Zin. I mean, would he make that out of his lymph or some-all? Never did bring it up. Suppose there was a reason why I never spent too long in one parish. Just looking for answers. Just looking for the Lord in the wrong damn places. Then you showed me the light.” – Caleb
  • “So here’s the part where you make a choice. What if you could have that power, now? In every generation, one Slayer is born, because a bunch of men who died thousands of years ago made up that rule. They were powerful men. This woman is more powerful than all of them combined. So I say we change the rule. I say my power should be our power. Tomorrow, Willow will use the essence of the Scythe to change our destiny. From now on, every girl in the world who might be a Slayer, will be a Slayer. Every girl who could have the power, will have the power, can stand up, will stand up. Slayers every one of us. Make your choice. Are you ready to be strong?” – Buffy
  • “We destroyed the mall? I fought on the wrong side.” – Dawn
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Author: Amanda Bowyer

I am an author living in Myrtle Beach with my husband, Ryan, and three dogs. I have a passion for sci-fi, fantasy, and all things geek/nerd. Check out my publications at www.AmandaBowyer.com - it's where weird becomes awesome! You can also hit me up on Twitter @alvosloh

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