Paula rebrands, Scott just wants some spousal support, Rebecca & Valencia internet stalk Josh’s new girlfriend, & no cats were harmed in the making of this midseason finale.
Nina, Cara, Gwennie, Selena & Uzo
Josh and his new girlfriend Anna (BRITTANY SNOW) are at some super douchey hipster coffee place and lil Joshie is super confused about all the varities. She loves that about him though, and we get a tiny “you love me?” “love about you” callback.
Later, when Valencia & Rebecca are going through Anna’s salon’s security footage (we’ll come back to this) they see Josh telling her that he’s never felt so strongly about anyone before. This is a bummer for Rebecca but it has to be devastating for Valencia, who was with him for FIFTEEN years!
*gasp* I’m so jealous you get to watch it for the first time
Paula is redecorating her desk at work and rebranding to fit her new lawyer image. She and Rebecca are still fighting and neither of them wants to be the first one to apologize. She’s also slammed with law school and work and kids and life. She doesn’t know how to make things better between them and Rachel & Donna have a moment together that is so heartbreaking it makes me cry for 15 minutes every time I watch it.
At home, Scott is super excited about his barbershop quartet singing at his office party but Paula is really bad at even pretending to be interested. We get to visit Scott at work later where some chick who looks like Paula is using her interest in the Brovinas to sort of flirt with him and it needs to stop immediately I smell trouble.
When we next check in with Paula, she’s studying with Sunil but really she’s just talking a lot about herself and not letting him get a word in edge-wise about his dead wife and the months worth of meals she made and all the toilet paper she pre-ordered. It’s clear that In this frienship, Paula is the Rebecca and Sunil is the Paula. While she’s blabbing to him about The Wire, she suddenly remembers that it’s Friday and that she’s suuuuuper later to Scott’s party/concert thing.
Donna Lynne Champlin’s IRL husband makes an appearance as Scott’s Brovina Bro and asks where she is – awwwwwwwwwww. He then slays at singing, as do all the bros. Unfortunately, Paula barges in literally at the last note, devastating Scott (and probably her actual husband too hehe). YOU KNOW WHO DIDN’T MISS ANY OF IT?! That woman from shipping who was all flirty before, she’s in the front waving at Scott like he’s not married to the perfect woman.
When they get home, Scott is so pissed that he walks out to cool off. Paula is super upset and calls Sunil, but he’s busy with his kids (gross) so she’s stuck just staring at Rebecca’s contact information and looking sad.
Thelma & Louise drove off a cliff, so…be careful
Rebecca’s girl squad is hanging out on the internet together, Heather is doing a Miss Douche AMA and Rebecca & Valencia are lying about stalking Josh’s Instagram. After some intense super sleuthing – aka a reverse google image search – they realize Josh is dating some new girl and become OBSESSED with her.
Anna Hicks is a brow guru to the stars and her brand is meticulously crafted so 3 days later, when the “stalking” ends, they are basically in love with her and think she’s magical and too good for Josh Chan
The next logical thing for Becks & V to do is to go to Anna’s salon and check her out. While there, they overhear a conversation that sounds like it’s about drugs and then they see a woman walk out with a baggie of white powder. They don’t know that this is a TV show trope so they assume it’s cocaine and take it upon themselves to tell Josh about it.
They start to excitedly drive off but Rebecca runs something over and it’s not Valencia’s calf-hair-cross-body. IT’S ANNA’S CAT! She runs out to see what happened and asks Rebecca & Valencia what happened instead of just assuming they hit the cat given that they’re the only people on the scene and Gravy is under their car. They make up some pirate man with makeup and say he did it and ran away before volunteering to drive her and Gravy to the vet.
The cat’s tail has been reattached so he’s fine now. Anna starts telling R & V about her new boyfriend Josh who is “so great” despite all the toxis relationships he’s been in in the past. A HUGE BLOW TO BOTH OF HIS EXES SITTING RIGHT THERE!!! She also mentions that her salon has security cameras set up out front, which would help her find the guy that did this to her cat.
Now, Madge & Allegra have to break in to the salon and delete the video that would incriminate them. They guess the alarm system’s password (Anna’s goal weight) and erase all evidence of their presence. They try to find evidence of drug selling but instead find out that the white powder is just a paste that makes eyebrows grow faster. This is where they see that video of Josh that I mentioned earlier.
It visibly shakes them and they’re still in a funk when they go to Home Base later. Valencia decides that if Josh never loved them and if he’s over them they they should be done with him too. She picks out a bar rando and leaves Rebecca in the hopes of getting laid.
All alone, Rebecca stares at her phone just like Paula was doing a few paragraphs ago. P really is her one true friend in WC and now that this “Josh’s exes bond” thing is over, she doesn’t know who to talk to.
CUT TO THE GREATEST MUSICAL NUMBER OF THE SEASON! Paula & Rebecca are in 80’s wigs and singing about how they miss each other. Each woman admits that it’s sort of her fault but asks the other one to apologize force.
- Research Me Obsessively – be real, we’ve all been caught “stalking” the person an ex is dating and lost track of time for three days!
- You Go First – the 80’s are here with a vengeance, Paula & Rebecca can’t talk about their feelings openly so instead they put on 80’s wigs and sing about how they won’t admit to being sorry while a rando dances in the background.
Other perfect moments include
- I’ve never loved a cat before, I’ve always thought they were haunted
- I wish I had her hormone imbalance!
- “Honk if you’re horny Paula Procter is horny” bumper sticker (GET YOURS HERE)
- Is she the tall one, the naked one or the mom one cos if you’re talking about the model one or the lip one, those are Jenners
- Mary-Kate Olson had to pretend to be Elizabeth Olson
- We’re mortals, she’s like a fairy angel
- Drug “sales person”
- The loop-de-loops
- IT’’S ALWAYS A MAN
- Gravy Miffy Muffins
- Rapid fire
- His word, your word, or Britney’s word?
- MALE GAZE VERSION OF THE NARRATIVE
- Period sex callback
- I wish I could do that in my own life, just erase things that happened
- Does she not support the troops?
- “God only knows what he’s sticking in his rectum” “oh have we talked about that” “WHAT” “oh so he never…?”
- Rebecca’s deaf lover
- I’ve been saving Friday Night Lights for someone special
For a midseason finale, this episode was perfect. Everyone’s story moved forward in a significant way, causing a lot of the progress each character thought they had made to roll back and regress. Rebecca & Valencia can finally admit that they’re still in love with Josh. Paula and Scott might be realizing that sex can’t fix a broken marriage. Josh has thrown himself into a new relationship even though he should be alone for a while. Greg is just flat out gone (still sad). At least Heather is doing well, and probably WiJo and Darryl, they’re in a good place.
Crazy Ex-Girlfriend returns January 6th with a TWO HOUR PREMIERE and introduces Scott Michael Foster; the following January 13th episode features Queen Patti Lupone. There are 3 more episodes after that, with a season finale on February 3rd that Donna Lynne Champlin and others have described as mind blowing and a cliffhanger!!!
So let’s make sure to watch the show live (and tell your Neilson frienda to DVR it) when it returns in the new year and tweet about it like crazy! Also catch up on the first half of the season on The CW’s website or app. Get those numbers up so The CW renews this magical unicorn of a show for a 3rd season!