Magic: The Gathering has a nice, digital version of itself called MTG: Arena. I’ve been playing paper Magic for over twenty years, and I’ve had a few experiences with limited Magic video games. I installed Arena a couple of months ago and now have 621.1 hours as of the writing of this sentence. I fully expect to tack on a few more hours before this article is released. Needless to say, despite my critical nature of Magic, it is still my favorite game. I primarily play Commander, because I am a normie, so when I play Arena I play Brawl. Brawl is Commander, but online! There are a few differences between the two formats: it is only 1v1 (for now), Planeswalkers can be your Commander, the card pool is more limited, the ban list is different, and there are fake Magic cards in it.
I’m Ready to Brawl!
Before I talk about fake Magic cards, let’s talk about how it feels to play Brawl right now. Bad. The ban list is different, which is fine, but some absolute gameplay stinkers seem to have snuck their way through.
Primeval Titan, which grabs any two lands from your deck and slams them onto the battlefield (tapped) whenever it enters or attacks.
Paradox Engine, which untaps all of your nonland permanents every time you cast a spell.
Rofellos, Llanowar Emissary, who generates one green mana for each forest you control.
Combine the three and you have a mono-green Commander that plays out their entire deck on turn three and makes me cry. Each on their own is egregious enough as it is. What can you do though? I slap Primeval Titan in my main deck because if I’m running green then there’s zero reason not to. There’s a worse problem than some absolutely busted cards not getting the ban they deserve.
Howdy, Partner, Ready to Brawl?
WOTC slaps pretty much everything that they print into Arena, if they can, and that includes all the cards from Final Fantasy and Edge of Eternities. What’s the issue there? Well, WOTC decided to print some real unfun lads and ladies into Arena so that us Brawl bois can experience them all over again.
The most egregious, in my opinion, are the inclusion of Yuriko, Tiger’s Shadow, and the original Partner Commanders. The original Partner Commanders are fine on their own, or together, despite offering the distinct advantage of effectively having a nine-card hand to start. My only issue with them is that they feel soulless. No Partner Commander deck is built with anything except the colors that they provide in mind.
Yuriko, a Commander who has sat in the top 10 most popular Commanders list for over two years (and is still #8) and remains the most popular Dimir Commander, was a mistake. Much like the Eminence mechanic, which allows you to utilize your Commander’s most important abilities without having to do anything, Yuriko’s “Commander Ninjutsu” breaks all the rules of the format and slot machines you to death.
She was printed in Final Fantasy as “Yuffie” alongside many other iconic legendary creatures posing as Final Fantasy characters. Azusa, Najeela, and Jodah all got Final Fantasy versions and each of them makes my butt clench whenever it’s time to mulligan. I hope you have a fast hand ready to rock, otherwise you are done, son.
Strip & Mine
With Edge of Eternities came a slew of reprinted utility lands for everyone to use. This is fine—good, even—for primary markets and Brawl players alike, but what’s not so fine is the inclusion of one card: Strip Mine. Strip Mine destroys lands, which isn’t that fun on its own, but has blossomed into the overarching Brawl meta of today.
The overwhelming majority of decks I run into these days are green “Strip Mine” decks, typically utilizing the aforementioned Azusa or “Wrenn and Six,” which is only legal as a Commander for Brawl.
Slapping a Strip Mine package into your green deck is a no-brainer, even I do it (Icetill Explorer is the GOAT), as it is incredibly powerful to *checks notes* destroy all your opponents’ lands forever.
There isn’t much counterplay, besides running a ton of graveyard hate artifacts that do very little when not facing graveyard strategies, so it’s not very fun. I can’t imagine it being fun for the stripper (the miner?) either, as whenever I rebuff one of these Strip Miners they instantly concede.
Am I just a crybaby? Probably, and I’m a hypocrite, but WOTC agrees with me. WOTC banned Strip Mine from Standard play before EoE was even released. It seems they conveniently forgot to ban the Strip from Brawl though. Thanks, WOTC.
Double, Double, Alchemy is Trouble
So what do I mean by “fake Magic cards”? I’m talking about the cards that come from Arena’s online-only format: Alchemy. Alchemy cards only exist online and fall into one of two categories: rebalancing or brand new. Brand new Alchemy cards do not have a physical version. Rebalanced Alchemy cards are cards that do have physical versions, but they have been changed online. I like that these cards have been rebalanced (minus one small example), and I even use one of these rebalanced cards as my Commander while playing Brawl. I am 100% down with cards being rebalanced when they are blatantly too powerful, even in paper Magic.
Nadu, Winged Wisdom, a card printed in Modern Horizons 3, was so hilariously imbalanced that he earned a swift ban in both Commander and Modern. Nadu is my Commander of choice for Brawl, because with Alchemy he had been reborn. My only complaint is that my poor bird wizard will forever have their reputation tarnished in the physical world, but I’ll gladly pilot them through another two thousand games.
Orcish Bowmasters and The One Ring, both cards printed in the Universes Beyond Lord of the Rings set and both considered hilariously overpowered, received small tweaks for Alchemy. They are both still very strong, maybe too strong, but with the power of Alchemy they are marginally less so.
Toil and Trouble
Here’s what I don’t enjoy about Alchemy: the things that only exist digitally. Alchemy has a few unique mechanics that make use of the fact that we are playing Magic on a computer.
Perpetual effects, which modify cards even if they move to other zones
Seek, which grabs random cards from your deck
Conjure, which creates duplicates of cards that continue to exist even when moving to other zones (unlike tokens).
It is difficult to explain why these mechanics don’t feel good without writing an essay, but I’ll give you some prime examples of the absurdly broken nature of Alchemy cards.
Nashi, Illusion Gadgeteer, is an Alchemy-Only version of the iconic Rat Rogue Ninja Shaman Wizard.
Nashi is a 4/4 for four mana (Sultai + one colorless) with Flash, Ward 2, and Menace.
Insane statline, but there’s more, of course. Nashi also has: “When Nashi enters, secretly choose a card in your graveyard and Conjure a duplicate of it into your hand. If the duplicate isn’t a land card, it Perpetually gains Flash.”
What does all this insane text mean? It means Nashi gets to, very easily, take infinite extra turns at instant speed. Fun? Maybe for the Nashi player.
Hamza, Might of the Yathan, can put every creature in your library onto the battlefield with the help of one other creature, who is tutorable straight onto the battlefield.
Lam, Storm Crane Elder, conjures a Monastery Mentor onto the battlefield whenever you cast a noncreature spell.
He creates a creature that creates creatures that all get stronger every time you cast a noncreature spell. What.
The most egregious offender is Val, Marooned Surveyor. With just a single other creature (who is also tutorable straight onto the battlefield) you lose. Oh yeah, and they both cost two mana. Good luck.
Alchemy Burns
Alchemy Commanders (Legendary Creatures printed in Alchemy) can often feel much stronger than “real” cards, but they aren’t the only problem that Alchemy prints.
Ambassador of Evendo turns lands in your deck into free drawing machines.
Bramblearmor Brawler can’t be countered, is a 5/5 with Trample for four mana, and if you dare to cast a noncreature spell in his presence then he will Perpetually give all creatures in his controller’s deck +1/+1.
Housemeld steals your creature and turns it into an Enchantment. Is that creature your Commander? Too bad, Housemeld doesn’t care. Your Commander is now my Enchantment and you can’t do anything about it because Housemeld does not care about rules.
Leaf-Leap Guide perpetually makes itself and the creatures you play stronger. He also comes with a sweet one-mana rescue ability. He doesn’t care if you aren’t a nontoken creature; everybody is big now.
Ornate Imitations (used to be my primary finisher) Conjures a bunch of random creature duplicates for each mana value. It’s fun to get fifteen creatures including each Eldrazi Titan onto the field with one card!
Waystone’s Guidance perpetually gives the first creature spell you cast each turn Mobilize 2. Oh, and it pumps up attacking tokens, and it costs 2 mana.
There are plenty more, but I’ve done enough complaining. Unfortunately, I am forced to interact with these cards if I wish to play Brawl, and I only do myself a disservice by not utilizing them.
What’s the fix?
Well, easy: hire me. Outside of that? Fix the mechanics of Housemeld, because it objectively doesn’t function correctly. Ban Strip Mine and use the Commander ban list so I don’t have to concede whenever Urza drops a Paradox Engine on me (thanks for reprinting him in Final Fantasy…). Will I stop playing if you don’t do these things? Probably not, but it’d be nice to see a color other than green every game.
