I’ve had the most tiring week at work in the history of capitalism, so I apologise if this round-up is a little bit lacklustre. I believe my brain had melted and dripped out of my ears by about Wednesday afternoon, but then the same could be said for a few of the people in Erinsborough, if we’re being honest…
Cara and Remi Hit Another Stumbling Block
Cara and Remi have been getting on much better as they navigate the awkward situation of Remi having completely erased Cara from her memory, but Nicolette throws a bit of a spanner in the works when she confesses to Cara that she has feelings for her.
Cara deals with the situation really well and with a lot of class – she’s clear with Nicolette that she’s absolutely not interested in her and only has eyes for Remi, while at the same time trying to limit Nicolette’s embarrassment and awkwardness. She stresses that they’re still friends and gives her a big hug, which Remi walks in on.
At first, I thought Remi’s reaction to the hug was a hint that maybe she’s jealous of someone else catching Cara’s attention, but it turns out to be the exact opposite. She suddenly realises that Cara may be hanging on indefinitely, waiting for Remi to remember her, when she actually may not ever regain her full memory of their relationship. So Remi tells Cara that she’s free to see other people, which absolutely devastates Cara, who can’t imagine ever wanting to be with anyone else.
I know Remi has forgotten Cara entirely, and therefore has no real emotional connection to her aside from objectively understanding that she is the mother of their kids, but did she also lose her ability to empathise with people when she bumped her head? First she changed her name so she no longer has the same surname as her kids, which upset them, and now she’s basically telling Cara to move on and find someone else, when she knows Cara wants nothing more than to get their old life back. She’s supposedly a smart woman, but she has been acting with very little emotional intelligence since she got whacked on the bonce.
Farewell To Nell
I’ve never been the biggest fan of Nell, with her bleating goat voice and her incredibly slow speech which always made me want to watch her on double speed, so I’m pretty indifferent to the fact that she’s moving away to be with Toadie and Hugo. Let’s face it, she should always have gone to live with her family, and staying behind because of a teenage romance was a little bit daft.
Before she leaves, she is desperate to smooth things over with JJ, despite it being about five minutes since she broke up with him, so he’s still nursing a very raw broken heart. Understandably he doesn’t want anything to do with her, and even accuses her of inviting him to her farewell party just to make herself feel better.
But JJ does an astounding about turn and is suddenly not just OK enough to be around Nell, but OK enough to throw his own farewell party for her. The ability to turn that level of heartbreak off in such a short space of time needs to be studied, quite honestly.
The neighbours give Nell a series of sentimental gifts, but it’s Paul – AGAIN – who actually brings a tear to my eye by presenting her with seeds from Sonya’s tree, so she could plant them in Collac. In my defence, I was very tired and I’d had a big glass of Bailey’s when I watched this episode, so my defences were down. Damn you, Paul.
Crap Cops
Cara hasn’t been a cop for long, but in the great Erinsborough tradition of police officers having absolutely no regard for personal safety or proper procedure, she decides to go and sneak around a warehouse she suspects belongs to the Linwell brothers. She has no backup, and nobody besides Nicolette and Andrew know where she is, and he’s too busy being a cheating cheat with Holly to come and help her straight away. Of course, the situation immediately becomes dangerous and she’s stuck in the warehouse with one of the criminals and a big bag of guns. Andrew eventually turns up, and by this point Cara has managed to record some incriminating audio which, while they can’t use it to prosecute anyone, gives them ample reason to conduct further investigations.
They get a dressing down by their boss, but he still inexplicably keeps them both on the case – who better to lead an investigation into a criminal gang than a very green rookie and a man with the current attention span of a gnat? What could possibly go wrong?
My theory is that we’re gearing up for some sort of big drama which will leave Cara’s life hanging in the balance, and that in turn will trigger Remi’s memory. At least I hope that’s where this is going, or else it’s going to be really boring.
The Holly and Andrew Mess Continues
Good god, where do I even start with this? Holly and Andrew decide to meet up in the city, because there’s absolutely no chance that anyone they know will see them there, despite Aaron having seen them there mere days ago. They have many heart to hearts, Andrew chucks some leaves at Holly and then they declare their love for each other and decide they’re going to gradually transition out of their relationships and then get together once the dust has settled. If they think they can navigate this without it becoming a gigantic, bubbling mess then they are both way more delusional than I initially thought.
They decide to carry on as normal so as not to rouse suspicion, but Holly immediately goes back on this and dumps Max unceremoniously. Poor Max is confused and devastated, and there are a few people, like Taye and Sadie, who think her out of the blue change in behaviour isn’t really making sense, and that there might be more to it.
Meanwhile, Andrew is unravelling. He can’t seem to concentrate at work, spending most of the time just staring into space, and he’s absolutely already checked out of his marriage. Wendy is doing her best to spice things up in the bedroom, but Andrew is struggling to perform and he’s behaving really distantly. It surely isn’t going to be long before Wendy starts to suspect something, especially if Holly and Andrew keep meeting for secret chats in various bushes.
This is all going to get very messy, very quickly.
Terese and Elle’s Feud is About to Get JUICY
Terese and Elle have been in an uneasy truce since Terese outed Elle for having been sacked and then Elle deliberately caused trouble between Terese and Susan. Things flare up after Elle tells Leo that she’s not forgiven Terese and that she gets bad vibes from her, and Leo goes straight back to warn Terese that Elle isn’t done with her yet. Terese confronts Elle and they have a rather undignified squabble, which results in Elle threatening to move out. Terese holds out an olive branch and persuades her to stay, and they’ve just about managed to declare another truce when Paul gets the news that Tash has gone into early labour, so he needs to get on a plane to New York straight away.
If Paul leaves those two in the house alone, there are going to be fireworks, especially now Nell won’t be around. I’m actually imagining them setting Home Alone-style booby traps for each other, and I think it might get pretty entertaining. It’s always good fun when Terese goes nuclear.
A Few Random Notes
As usual, here are a few random notes I took while watching Neighbours this week:
- The police are having meetings in the pub now? That seems nice and confidential.
- Best exchange of the week – Nicolette on Maddie: “I wanted to distract myself.” Cara: “She’s not a fidget spinner.”
- Why the hell are the kids doing metalwork in a normal classroom?
- Holly: “I just want someone patient and kind”. Max is patient and kind, you absolute saucepan!
- Holly’s earring is going to end up on Andrew somehow and it will all come out.
- Cara is going to go and get herself into big trouble because Andrew was too busy throwing leaves at Holly.
- Andrew, maybe don’t sneak up on someone hiding from a dangerous criminal. God, he’s stupid.
- It’s a very badly planned special breakfast if you have to get up in the middle of it to leave for school.
