I always jot down a few notes as I watch Neighbours during the week so I can remember what happened when I came to write this round-up. I can’t even describe how many expletives were peppered throughout this week’s notes, and they got off to a strong start by saying, “TOADIE IS A JERK, AARON IS A JERK, CHELSEA IS A JERK.” So yes, I had some strong feelings this week. I can’t exactly remember why I thought that Aaron was being a jerk, though, so the notes don’t always work.
The Longest Lie In
The Erinsborough residents are all getting very excited about the Longest Lie In competition at the complex, with an all-expenses-paid trip to New York up for grabs. This storyline provides some of the best laughs of the week before it all devolves into absolute chaos. Nicolette was really good fun during these scenes – I’ve struggled a little bit to warm up to the new Nicolette. Still, I enjoyed her banter with Byron, and she was very cute with Isla when she came to visit during the competition.
The premise of the competition is to set up beds outdoors in the complex, and everyone has to see how long they can stay in bed, only being allowed five short toilet breaks. First of all, the idea of sitting outdoors in a bed for a prolonged period of time with all of my neighbours around me is quite possibly one of the worst things I can possibly think of. I’d need several books, my crochet, a heroic quantity of chocolate, fifteen blankets, an industrial-strength eye mask, and noise-cancelling headphones. But I would have quite a strong chance of winning because my snoring would probably drive everyone else to quit.
The Erinsborough residents are all very serious about this contest, including Vera Punt who plonks herself in a bed right in front of the coffee shop door in her absolutely fabulous pyjamas and refuses to move, telling Holly that her “butt is in a bed”, therefore she is in the competition. Holly retaliates by lacing Vera’s bed with itching powder.
She’s not the only person to resort to dirty tactics, either. Haz’s ex Billie turns up and doses him with laxatives, so he’s out, too. The rest of the field is decimated after an awkward walkie-talkie faux pas.
Chekhov’s Walkie Talkie
There’s a staff shortage at the complex, so Leo cheerfully hands out a load of walkie-talkies to everyone so they can be more efficient. They are Chekhov’s walkie-talkies because as soon as we see them, we know that some sensitive information is going to be broadcast to all the competition entrants.
Melanie’s got it into her head that she’s got a chance with Toadie now, despite him ghosting her, so she enters the competition to be close to Toadie and hopefully get a chance to talk to him. Melanie ends up in a bed next to Toadie and Terese, sporting their matching pyjamas, and tries desperately to get his attention, but he ignores her.
Eventually, she spits the dummy and goes to tell Holly that she can’t bear to be close to Toadie after sleeping with him, not realising that Holly’s walkie-talkie is on, and Terese can hear everything she’s saying. All hell breaks loose at this point, and means that most of the competition entrants end up resigning to deal with the aftermath, leaving the Varga-Murphys to claim victory.
Turn it in Toad
Toadie has absolutely done my head in this week. His reaction to being outed as a cheater is to become a blubbering, self-pitying mess – trying to foist the blame on Melanie for pursuing him and on to Terese for spending time with Paul. Since when was he this self-centered? I’ve always loved Toad, but this week has made me dislike him. There’s only one person to blame for his cheating on Terese, and that’s the person who did the cheating. Nobody made him do it, and it was his decision.
He’s dropped a grenade on his family, and he naively thinks he’s going to be able to patch things up with a few tears and apologies. There’s no way in hell that Terese is going to take him back after this; he needs to get a grip.
GO AWAY MELANIE
Talking of people who need to get a grip, Melanie is no angel in all of this, either. While the ultimate blame lies at Toadie’s feet, Melanie has hardly behaved impeccably, trying as hard as she did to tempt Toadie back to her. She also slaps him when he tells her he wishes she’d never come back to the street, which is absolutely unacceptable. I hate the soap trope of people slapping each other in the middle of arguments, it normalises hitting as a response to being angry, and I think this storyline could still have been just as dramatic without any physical violence.
Dodgy Dad
Felix is warming to JJ, which is basically a golden retriever in human form and takes him under his wing a little bit in what is possibly a misguided attempt to act in a fatherly manner towards him. First, he rescues JJ from a beating when Slade and his cronies corner JJ at Lassiter’s, then when they give him some more hassle at Power Road, he decides to dabble in a little spot of vandalism.
Felix puts a nail into Slade’s car tyre, despite JJ nearly not being all that keen on the idea. I don’t like Felix one bit. He’s shifty, and he’s up to something, and he’s going to cause trouble for the Rodwells, who have been nothing but kind to him. I’m hoping he won’t stick around for too long.
In Hugo
Felix thinks the nail in the tyre will be good revenge on Slade and his gang because they’d put nails in some cars at the complex, but he couldn’t predict what they would do next, which is to pop little Hugo in the boot of the car and drive off at high speed. This sends the whole neighbourhood into a panic while they try to locate the car. JJ and Felix are in even more of a panic than everyone else because they know that if a blown tyre causes the car to go careering off the road, then they’re to blame for it.
JJ is pathologically incapable of making good decisions, but he’s essentially a sweet kid, so I’m furious at Felix for getting him mixed up in all this. I know he’s only been a secret dad for five minutes, but he’s truly useless at it.
It seems that locating a kidnapped child in a car is solely down to Andrew, but he does nothing to help, apart from wafting in and out of the pub looking quite hot in his uniform. It’s Nicolette and Aaron who eventually discover the car with its blown-out tyre, and locate Hugo in the boot, safe and well.
Yasss, Terese!
The Hugo drama briefly brings Terese back to Ramsay Street to support Toadie and Nell while Hugo is missing, and Toadie leaps on the opportunity to try to get her to talk to him. I can’t believe he asks her if they can have a chat as if what he’s done is forgetting her birthday or leaving the toilet seat up. No, Toadie, you slept with your ex-wife while your current wife was looking for the plaque that memorialises her dead son, it’s going to take more than “a chat” to sort this one out. Terese gives him both barrels, and I truly cannot blame her. It’s pretty glorious.
Toadie is absolutely delusional if he thinks that one of his children getting kidnapped is going to help him get back into Terese’s good books. This is Erinsborough, where kidnaps and sieges are a near monthly occurrence – it’s going to take way more than that, perhaps an actual war with tanks and everything. I hope Toadie can redeem himself, though; I dislike disliking him!
