There I was doomscrolling through my social feeds when a book caught my eye. The cover was black, covered with spiderwebs, roses, and a crowned skull. The comments section was raving, and fans couldn’t get enough of “the gun scene.” It sounded like the novel had a strong female character, so I figured eh, she must be a badass if she has a gun, right? Needing an impulsive shot of dopamine, I clicked add to cart without reading the actual description of the story. And that’s how I began my dark romance journey with Haunting Adeline by H.D. Carlton.
It was a lot. Like, a lot. That gun scene? Yeah, not what I was expecting. But I was intrigued nonetheless and ended up ordering the second book of the duet as soon as I finished the first. Zade Meadows is just about the epitome of a book boyfriend, after all. I mean, yeah he’s a stalker and a mass murderer. But it’s all for the sake of love and saving countless women and children from sex trafficking rings. How could I not be a sucker for a guy like that?
I quickly became a dark romance girlie and branched out to other works as if chasing some sort of high. And it got me thinking…what is it about these dangerous characters that are so appealing? Why am I, and so many other women, obsessed with these looming, threatening men who could hurt us so easily?
Do we want a 6’7 guy stalking us and putting cameras in our homes? No. Does making unsafe situations like this romantic make us feel in control of the narrative? Absolutely. TikTok user @allistermarie summed up the ick of several MMC traits that emphasize this point, including kidnapping, growling, and, the ickiest ick for me, baring his teeth.
I tend to think of dark romance novels as having the same appeal as true crime for women. We read the trigger warnings and look forward to the depravities in store, just as we see a notorious serial killer’s face in a documentary and look forward to learning more about him. The difference is that when watching true crime, we feel fear because we’re watching it happen to other people and understand that that person could be us. When we read dark romance, we’re removed from the situation and find comfort in knowing that it’s all in our heads. When we know something is fiction, we can safely explore scary things in a controlled environment. This is similar to watching a horror movie; you get the thrill of being chased around with a chainsaw while knowing you’re in a safe space. We go into the movie knowing the atrocities we’re about to witness and consent to that exposure.
Trigger warnings tell us exactly what we need to expect when reading new dark romance novels. And that’s always the most exciting part of the book, especially if you see something you’ve never heard of! These triggers can be heavy, but the safety of fiction offers a way for someone to explore dark and possibly traumatic themes while being able to remove themselves from the situation at any time. After reading a trigger warning and continuing with the novel, you are giving consent to subject yourself to those themes. In my experience, some of the most common trigger warnings include but are not exclusive to, stalking, possessive behavior, dubious consent, and sexual assault.
Possessiveness may be the most popular trigger within this genre. When you crack open a dark romance novel, you’re not in control anymore — control is only for that tall, impossibly handsome man who is frighteningly obsessed with you. These novels are generally written in first person and narrated by the main female character, so it’s easy to get lost in the dialogue and forget that overprotective men are a huge red flag IRL. If you’re into dark romance, you’re familiar with the concepts of “if you touch her, you die” and “I would burn the world for you” type characters. And we all go feral for it, no matter how many times we read those tropes…but why?
Women in particular have long had a responsibility to be in control of not just themselves, but also of making sure every other person in their lives is safe and content as much as possible. It doesn’t matter if you’re a mother, a daughter, or that friend or co-worker who always seems to know what their peers will need. We all have someone depending on us at any given second. When a book boyfriend says he’s going to defend us and love us to the point of non-existence, it shows that he wants to alleviate our burdens by making them disappear. He wants to take control and make catastrophic decisions so we don’t have to. So, having a love interest who cares so deeply and is so devoted to you that he would commit unspeakable sins in your name is, possibly, the most attractive thing an author could pen to paper. And we adore the authors who bring that submission out of us.
A common joke I’ve seen on TikTok is looking at trigger warnings and thinking things like “Aw. He cares. He’s just protective. At least you know he’ll never cheat!” While these statements come off as harmless jokes, I think it’s interesting that women are allowing themselves to understand that part of their psyche. Of course, we don’t want a stalker putting cameras in our houses. Of course, we don’t want a guy killing any other man who shows interest in us. But the idea of having someone who would destroy everything and anything for the sake of loving us? Beautiful. Dark romance takes ordinary desires and makes them extreme to emphasize our craving for love, protection, and devotion.
Not to mention the need to escape reality. We all get wrapped up in our day-to-day lives and overwhelmed with the monotony and ordinary. Many women are in situations where they are always busy and pressured to be perfect and sweet while doing it. Dark romance is a way to escape that cycle and relax by exploring themes that you wouldn’t experience in your real life. Reading about dangerous, sexually adventurous relationships is no doubt a way out of your normal situations. The best part of this is tumbling into whatever subgenre you can imagine; stalker, paranormal, fantasy, and mafia are a few common favorites. This genre has appeal for any reading taste…just with some spice added for more pleasure.
Often, we see FMCs who start innocent enough but whose personalities shift to become more hardened and aggressive over the time they spend with the MMC. And when we relate to the evolved version of those characters, we feel a connection that creates an alter ego that only we can experience. That can only be experienced within the words on the page. Right now, many women are focused on going into their “villain era” to become a stronger version of themselves to overcome life’s struggles and refuse to be a damsel in distress. It’s no surprise that these women are also getting into dark romance novels and finding a new strength inside of them that they would not have found otherwise in their real lives. Likewise, those who find comfort in the submissive aspects of the genre are finding a safe space to revel in a new thrill.
At the end of the day, we all know it’s fiction. Perhaps you’ll discover something new to try in the bedroom, but the themes of the novels are generally a written 9-1-1 call. As long as you and your mind have a clear contract about the difference between fiction and reality, enjoy your forbidden romance fantasies to the fullest. But no matter how what type of dark romance novel you choose, there’s one thing you must always do:
Be a good girl.
