With a name like Pasión, we’re bound to see some excitement in this week’s episode. Will Abby and Sven hit it off? Will Joel learn how to Tango in time to teach Anne? Will Sheila refrain from murdering anyone in a blind rage now that she’s full of Nazi? Lets find out!
Plans for the Day
We open on Abby and Joel sorting through Japopo’s receipts to find anyone who bought the clam special. Although the receipt work is making Abby hungry, Joel stands by his statement that the food is just not great. Abby takes the opportunity to ask a boy question, on the grounds that Joel isn’t allowed to get weird. Like THAT could happen!
Abby asks whether or not she should tell Eric about her date with Sven, considering she knows Eric likes her tremendously. Joel gets extra defensive when she mentions that he’s a hunk who spent a year in Greece playing guitar. “Does Sven know your mother and I are constantly looking for people to kill?” I get where you’re going Joel, but you can’t really threaten the boy with something that’s supposed to be secret. In the end, he advises her to tell Eric herself because hearing it from someone else would hurt a whole lot more.
Sheila pops in, and congratulates her family on locating the only 3 people who ordered clams that night. Ramona, Sheila, and Colonel Ed Thune. Ed is a single, retired, and lives right in Santa Clarita. Joel wants to begin their quest to save the world by heading to visit Ed Thune straight away, but Sheila reminds him of the meeting with Carl and the investor for the new housing development. Abby begins to protest, that saving the world is way more important, but Sven calls her and snags her attention away.
Sheila and Joel start to divide and conquer, planning for Joel to talk to Ed and Sheila to take care of the meeting. They quickly realize the blatant issues with that plan however. If Ed is really feral, Joel couldn’t possible handle him. Not to mention that Sheila has already nearly murdered Carl for his shitty attitude, heading into an important meeting with him is sure to end badly. Sheila’s answer is just to act like old Sheila who is shy and demure… not sure that’s possible given her newfound lack of self control when angered!
Top it all off, they get approached by Anne when they head outside to start the day. Anne asks Joel, since he’s such a great dancer, if he could teach her to tango before Lisa’s birthday. Joel quickly melts under the pressure, and agrees to have her over at 6 that night. Anne leaves, and Sheila make Joel agree to only spy on Colonel Thune. If he can’t handle deputy Garcia, how could he take on a Colonel? Good call Sheila!
Eric and Abby do some research on the fracking site to plan out their disruptive demonstration. Unfortunately, there isn’t much to go on from the satellite pictures. Eric offers to help them make gillie suits after school, so they can approach the site undetected, but Abby drops the date bomb on his plans. After an exchange in which Eric reveals that he knows all about handsome Sven who was on Good Morning America after saving his little brother from a shark, he gives Abby his blessing. Which is great, because Abby was going on that date with or without it.
Sheila tries to butter Carl up with coffee and danishes, which looked positively delicious. As per usual, he’s a total prick ranging from belittling her as a woman to insulting her ideas about sustainable new-age homes for millenials. As the conversation continues, Sheila becomes visibly agitated. She starts biting her nails, and fidgeting. Carl instructs her that her job is merely to smile big for him, and she attempts to oblige. Unfortunately, her left eye decides not to cooperate, and drifts WAY off to the side.
Joel is staking out Colonel Thune’s house, and learning the tango via his phone in the car. He watches Colonel Thune drive up and head into the house, which tells him positively nothing. He goes against Sheila’s wishes, and rings the doorbell under the guise that he is Martin L. Taylor, Esquire, putting together a lawsuit against Japopo’s. The Colonel is awfully dismissive, until Joel shows him the receipt with his name on it. His demeanor changes, and he tells “Martin” to come inside. He successfully goes from grumpy to creepy in no time at all.
Sheila goes to Eric to double check that she isn’t deteriorating, which she is not. Eric informs her that stress will show itself when you bottle your feelings. He advises her to quit the project, which she does not agree with. Giving that up means giving up living a normal life as an undead, so she’s determined to control it. Her answer is to just style her hair differently, to hide the super lazy eye. Not the best plan Sheila, but you do you!
Abby and Sven are on their coffee date, and Sven is charming up a storm talking about his time in Greece. He asks Abby to talk about herself a bit, which is incredibly difficult. There is very little she can really say about her exciting life, so she settles for talking about the tray incident. After an awesome little speech about needing to help, rage blackout fueled aggression, and how she scares herself because she LIKED doing it, Sven is visibly taken aback. She quickly changes the subject, seeing his face, and jumps on his mention of a photography hobby. I think we know where this is headed.
Colonel Thune and Joel are sitting in his living-room discussing the clams. Colonel Thune seems totally interested in whether or not anyone who ate them vomited, but insists that he himself didn’t have them. He’s a vegan! He’s also super sketchy. He dodges the question about the clams being on the receipt by mentioning that he had a date over that night who must have ate them. He invites Joel into the kitchen, so he can find his date’s phone number, and offers up some fresh danish he made. Joel, knowing zombies can’t possibly eat anything that isn’t meat, decides to follow to enjoy some danish together.
Joel finds a stack of tarps on the kitchen counter and questions Ed. He gets defensive again, and starts getting agitated. He tells Joel that the number must be in the basement, which Joel declines visiting. Ed realizes he’s being creepy, and heads down himself to his basement office. Joel begins snooping, checking the fridge and freezer for anything exciting. Unfortunately, he finds nothing before Ed creeps back upstairs and catches him.
Sheila commences on being Carl’s support during the meeting with the investor. Todd, the investor, wanted to hear more about forward thinking housing ideas, like uber. Sheila goes rogue and mentions her plans, which infuriates Carl. He berates her, and she begins gnawing on her nails again. I was worried she’d chew them all off, and look ridiculous, but what happened was so much worse. As Carl talks about master bathrooms you can wash a car in, Sheila bites through her finger!
The Art of the Dance
Ed isn’t happy about Joel snooping in the freezer. He gives him the number and tells “Martin” to leave. Joel insists on eating the danish together before he leaves. Ed bites in, and Joel is convinced he’s alright. As they shake hands to leave, Joel pulls the skin right off his hand. The Colonel spits out the danish, asks for his skin back, and begins to attack.
Joel rushes for his trusty hammer-knife, but the Colonel has stolen it. Joel offers him the serum so he doesn’t go feral, but Ed responds with a nasty zombie roar. Joel dodges the hammer-knife attack with a fancy tango move. Ed grabs him by the throat, and pins him against the wall. They struggle, and Joel notices that the hammer-knife is just out of reach. Instead of grabbing the vase of roses, he simply grabs the roses to assault Colonel Thune with. We see a delightfully cute image of Ed with a rose in his mouth before Joel grabs hammer-knife and plunges it into his skull.
Abby interrupts Eric’s sad song-writing to tell him all about the date with Sven. Eric is not willing to hear the details, until he finds out things didn’t go well. Abby admits that while Sven is gorgeous and smells like summer, she couldn’t tell him anything real about herself. The only person she can do that with is Eric, which he is delighted to hear. Abby DID convince Sven to head to the fracking site so they could take pictures, only he thought they were for a photo album. Armed with a plan of attack, Abby and Eric decide the perfect place to stage their protest.
Joel returns home to tell all about the Colonel Thune incident, plate of danish in hand, and finds out Anne is waiting for her lesson. He breaks into some really artsy tango moves, sufficiently scaring her away from dancing. Anne leaves, and Joel reveals that he’s not only confronted zombie Ed Thune but also killed him. Sheila doesn’t seem to excited, and has her own reveal. She admits that she had an incident, and the only victim was her finger.
So a severed finger is a bit of an issue, but the Hammonds are wracking them up this week. Abby and Eric are about to do some serious protesting, which could easily land them in some hot water. Sheila still has to deal with Carl, and I’m SURE he’s going to be even worse after her “outburst” in the meeting. Joel has just committed another murder, and we know he does terribly after those. We’re still in the dark about Mr. Ball Legs, though Joel did smash the one from Colonel Thune with hammer-knife. I can’t wait until next week’s episode! So many questions, and under a half hour per week… you’re killing me Santa Clarita!