In last weeks finale, Mindy & Danny reconnected except for one minor detail and Jody’s grand gesture was a little too grand; ending on an “oh shit” from Mindy that the whole fandom echoed.
The first person we see is Leo, which makes me want to run and hide but Danny’s not far behind and makes seeing a baby less traumatizing for me. Dan The Man is dropping Leo off at Mindy’s and also practicing his speech for when he tells her he’s ENGAGED and hands her a WEDDING INVITATION! By Danny’s logic of: “someone likes me, so I’m getting hitched,” I should’ve gotten married to every uggo who superliked me on Tinder. ALSO like, he didn’t just get engaged, his fiancée had time to PLAN a whole wedding! And he still hasn’t mentioned her to Mindy smh.
Once inside, he tells her he has to talk about something serious but ends up chickening out, midsentence, choosing to go with “I’m getting fed up with this mess” and attacking her life choices double smh. Mindy has a mini-meltdown, says he’s right, she feels like an unfit mother, and starts crying and he immediately backtracks and apologizes, making me think she faked the whole thing to get him to stfu. Danny leaves and puts the wedding invitation IN THE MAIL like a coward.
The next day at the office, Mindy, Whitney and Chelsea (#SQUADGOALS) are chilling in her office, jamming out to Enrique Iglesias’ Bailando and talking about their weekend trip to Miami, with all the dudes and 10 gallons of mojitos. Mindy is excited about all that but also getting away from Jody who keeps sending her lame apology gifts, like a ~loaded~ gun she she’s allowed to shoot him with (I VOLUNTEER). As Chelsea and Whitney tell Mindy to put the gun away and stop waving it around, he busts in to announce that he no longer has chlamydia (who. cares.) and to start reading a 30 minute apology letter. She quickly shuts him down with a “hey man” and says maybe she’ll let him apologize when she’s back from Miami “tanned, braided and engaged to Ricky Martin, or his husband.”
Next up, it’s time for Queen Tamra & Jeremy to have a random scene together. She seems to have cut the midriff off of her scrubs, leaving her, as Jeremy describes, 20% nude. He says that he too would love to cut the sleeves off his lab coat and make a trendy trench coat but he doesn’t because they must all “hide their true selves at work.”This lovely chat doesn’t have time to go any further though because the fire alarm goes off. Jer wants everyone to stay calm even though he’s the only one panicking and Collette busts in with her Volunteer Firefighter hat and an extinguisher and hoses the whole thing down.
So the fire was in the mop closet (where Mindy had her office during the dark James Franco days) where Dr. L has been keeping all the clothes she had to move to make a nursery for Leo. Clothes + contact with hot pipes apparently results in fire after a while. Mindy runs in, worried about her precious outfits, like the dress she was saving for an enemy’s funeral – aka Kelly Ripa. Jeremy tells her that she has to leave her things at home, his apartment is bursting with Lady Di memorabilia but we don’t see him waltzing around the office with a tiara. On their way back to their offices, he muses: “fashion is going to destroy this office.”
As Mindy is going through her clothing rack, Tamra comes in and tells her than Leo’s preschool called to say that he’s been suspended or that he’s wearing suspenders, she’s not sure because she didn’t write it down since her memory is so good. Mindy rushes off to see what’s wrong and what Leo could possible have done.
Meanwhile, Jody asks Morgan for the key to Mindy’s apartment, he wants to build her a walk-in closet. At first Morgan refuses because he almost lost his key privileges when he hosted a small gay dog wedding. But because she’s keeping her accessories on Brian The Skeleton who Morgan thinks now looks like Jack Sparrow he decides to give Jody the key. He even says he’ll take the fall if Mindy gets mad because he’s a sweet little angel that doesn’t get enough love.
Cut to Mindy and Danny at Leo’s school – talking to the principal. Leo bit a girl on the arm because he’s a violent evil baby and they don’t tolerate these outbursts. Even though she was wearing a cupcake onesie and looked delicious, the school still put Leo in baby cuffs before handing him off to the nanny. In order to tell us that the elevator in the school is very old and electric, the principal tells us a sad ass elevator story that Mindy thankfully interrupts. The principal think something is going on at home and that’s why Leo is lashing out, and Danny pulls his dick move again where he says Mindy’s work schedule is too hectic and Leo must be suffering because of it. SMH. Mindy claps back by bringing up Danny’s anger issues re his mom, his dad, his guil based religion, doping in baseball, mayor DeBlasio, etka. Danny’s all SHE’S THE BITER and Mindy’s all “I BIT YOU IN CONFIDENCE AND YOU LOVED IT! YOU DON’T BITE? WHY DON’T YOU TELL THAT TO MY NIPPLES!” and they talk about nipples for a while which is glorious
We then cut to Jody, doing the ultimate blasphemous thing i.e. trying to take down the iconic spiral staircase! I’ve been super lenient about story arcs but this I will not tolerate. THE STAIRCASE STAYS. It’s where we cuffed Heather; where Mindy was standing when Danny came back to save her from pain and take over the Christmas speech; it’s always been in the background and if you take it down you will be ripping out my heart cc @mindykaling. Okay, sorry, I’m focused again. Basically, Jody wants to build a walk-in closet in Mindy’s living room. It seems to me like that would be too small but he’s a doctor so he must be smart? He makes Morgan get up on the stairs to unscrew them and Morgan’s vertigo starts to act up when he looks down so he falls and the staircase rips a giant hole in Mindy’s ceiling.
Back to what matters, Mindy & Danny. They’re fighckering (fighting + bickering, pronounced fiykering, like high with an f and then ckering) as they leave the office, Danny whining that Mindy talked about their sex life and Mindy complaining that Danny’s 15$ bribe was not big enough. The fighckering continues as they get onto the elevator but they’re abruptly interrupted when the universe stops the elevator.
Mindy: “If you Quaker sons of bitches don’t drop your god damn oats I…”
Danny: “Okay stop! Stop screaming it’s a school on a Friday night, no one’s here”
SO WE’RE GONNA BE STUCK IN AN ELEVATOR TOGETHER ALL NIIIIIIIGHT wink. Mindy is gonna miss her flight and her sex vacation, she packed so many wet t-shirts thinking emoji. Side-note, why is there never service in elevators on shows? I get that it’s important for the plot for the character to not reach her friends but can’t we just say her phone died? I feel like most elebators I’ve been in have service nowadays right? Okay so anyway Danny says he doesn’t want to hear about her sexcapades, but Min is a sexual person so if she can’t be herself then she’s just not gonna talk – which Danny says he’d prefer, so she decides to catch up on her thoughts.
We go back to the 3 dummies aka Jody, Morgan & Colette. They’re just staring up at the hole in the ceiling. Jody’s hoping it’s an unoccupied unit but Morgan tells him that it’s Old Man Horowitz, same guy who bangs on the floor when Leo cries. At the same time, his voice shouts down and asks why there’s a hole in his floor. Morgan starts trying to fake a burglary but OMH doesn’t buy it. Jody decides to go upstairs – sans Morgan and his disarming comedy – to smooth things over.
BACK TO THE ELEVATOR. Mindy is tired of being quiet so she starts telling Danny why she was so excited about Miami – he cuts her off, saying dudebros like to think that a girl closes up shop after they’re through with her. Mindy lols and says she wouldn’t mind hearing about his girlfriends and he scoffs but she insists so natural storyteller Daniel Allan Castellano regales us with tales of his various women since Mindy. First up, Maxine; she liked dark leafy greens as much as he did but when he googled her, he found that her last boyfriend mysteriously died and was poisoned, so when she gave him soup with arsenic-looking flecks on it that she tried to pass off as parmesan, he bolted out of there. When he sees her a month later, she’s with a Danny look-a-like who looks pale as hell, like he might have been a ghost poisoned. Mindy loves it and wants more…
…but the show hates me so they cut away again. Jody is still upstairs talking to old man Horowitz and Morgan & Colette are bored waiting for him. They have some philosophical conversations about life hacks and about if Mindy will ever forgive Jody. Morgan thinks she won’t because she’s means & also he thinks there’s been some sexual tension between him & Mindy and that people want to see how it plays out. Speaking for the people, we’re all down with exploring this if only to replicate the hilarity of the Magic Morgan episode. Jody comes back right around this time and announces that the owner of the apartment upstairs is no longer upset BECAUSE HE’S NOW THE OWNER OF THE APARTMENT UPSTAIRS.
Back to the elevator and the next girl who was perfect for him but wasn’t Mindy. This bitch Gianna was Italian, liked the Yankees and loved to exercise. Mindy thinks that’s a very pointed remark and tells him that she went running the day before – well her coat got stuck in the bus and the driver wouldn’t stop. Upon hearing that Mindy had to be active Danny’s like ARE YOU OKAY which is exactly the reaction I get when I talk about spinning or running or leaving my bed. Anyway this girl changed the picture of Leo on Danny’s computer to a picture of herself, and while he didn’t have one of his Staten friends “take care of her” he broke up with her after a couple more sex sessions.
Mindy felt offended, outraged and vengeful which are her 3 main emotions. At this point, they’re eating sour straws and Danny finally acknowledged how great they are #YayJunkfood.
He then asks her to tell a story, and though she’s a shy pretty nun whose not much of a talker, she starts on a lovely little story. After deciding they should only see each other when handing off Leo, she once saw him on the street and decided to follow him – he bought a toy for Leo, yelled at skateboarders, picked a wedgie and helped an old lady cross the street, reminding her of why she loved him in the first place. Dan the Man loved the story and the look on his face was full of love and heart eyes, so he tells her about the time he ran into her in the elevators after yelling at Jody for mailing his stupid letter. With the saddest most pained expression ever, he asks if anything ever happened and she tells him they’re not a good match.
Danny: “I just don’t see it, he’s too old, you don’t share a frame of reference”
Mindy: “Really? Because you’re a million years old, you’re basically black & white!”
both giggle and melt my cold dead heart
When Mindy asks if anything ever got serious with his girlfriends, he flashes back to Sarah and how they met when he interviewed her BUT he snaps out of it and MAKES OUT WITH MINDY WHILE ZAYN PLAYS! GUYS!
“Wait, I’m sorry, you bought her an apartment but you made me chip in for the pizza?” Morgan is very confused as to how Jody just bought prime real estate in Manhattan but cheaped out when they got extra cheese. He says this was the best way to apologize to Mindy for what he did. Colette claps back with “you slept with OUR BROTHERS WIFE and all you got him was an edible arrangement!” It’s irrational and she’s not like anyone he’s ever liked before but Colette is on board because Mindy is actually better than anyone he’s ever been with. Morgan is still on the fence.
Cut to day brake and Mindy and Danny in the elevator, post-coital and happy, sprawled all over the floor. Neither of them know what it means but they enjoyed it and they make these adorable grinning faces that makes me want to just bang their heads against a desk until they realize they’re in love. Anyway, a janitor comes and opens up the elevator so they’re free to go after the eternity they spent in there, luckily Mindy had a hot man to have sex with and pass the time. Danny walks her home and I choose to believe they have a really meaningful conversation. As she goes up the stairs Mindy says “Danny, I love you” and he replies “I love you too.” As Danny walks away though, he seems to realize what he’s just done to Sarah and to Mindy. This is all gonna blow up in his face and it’s like he realized it instantly. I secretly hope that next season starts with him running back up the stairs and explaining everything to try and redeem himself a little.
Back in her apartment, Mindy throws her stuff on the kitchen island and gets scared by Jody’s presence. Why is he still in there ugh. She immediately pulls his gift gun on him and I’m chanting shoot shoot shoot but she doesn’t and guns are bad and you shouldn’t shoot people you don’t like I guess. Mindy’s like HEY WHERE’S MY STAIRCASE. Jody says he replaced it with something better and opens up a stair case thingy to the top floor. She thinks it’s Narnia so she doesn’t want to go because it’s for nerds but then she trusts him (why) and climbs up.
Jody tells her to close her eyes and imagine the whole apartment was hers and could be turned into Leo’s bedroom – because he can’t live in a closet forever apparently. The one nice thing about Jody is that he doesn’t call her selfish or self-absorbed, in fact he sort of sees her as always taking care of everyone else so he wants her to have a special place of her own – not a meat locker but her walk-in closet! All this time Mindy is picturing the most beautiful bedroom and closet and giving me a serious lady boner. Then, she snaps out of it, realizing that she SOOO can’t afford this place – Leo’s bitch future wife is gonna hate her so he won’t support her, obv. Jody tells her that he bought it for her and when she looks flummoxed he’s like “it’s a normal thing to do for someone you might be in love with” to which Mindy reacts with a HOLY SHIT and when I start banging my own head against the desk.
The camera then pans away in a great shot all the way down to Mindy’s kitchen island, past her purse, coat and gun, where her mail sits in a pile, topped with the invitation to Danny’s wedding gasp
Wow what a season we had! I don’t even know what to say other than season 5 promises to be a wild ride & the story has room to go in really new and exciting ways – hope to see you all for the new season premiere in October and make sure to check back here with me for all the latest Mindy scoop!